6.16.2005

I'm a contradiction

Just when you thought you can get over a hurdle, you realize you have to climb a hill. Sigh. God sometimes has a strange sense of humor.

A quiz once asked me a very stupid question: If you did not exist, what would the world miss? DUH! I won't even waste my time with an answer. It is just too dumb.

After struggling for three hours to get some sleep I'm bracing myself for the awful truth. I have scales and I'm hideous. I scare men with over-analysis of simple facts and suspicion. I am destined to be alone. I'm going to die childless and bitter and strange, with hair in a bun and glasses as thick as magnifying lens. Sob ... Maybe it's just my period kicking in. I do tend to be overly dramatic this time of month.

I'm not only complicated. I have a capacity to contradict myself. I laugh when I'm in pain. I shed tears when I'm too happy. I love deeply but can't trust fully.

Reminds me of a story I read somewhere:
A mother of a young boy told his friends who had invited him to go swimming, "I am not going to allow Michael to go into the water until he learns to swim." Obviously, the only way one learns to swim is by getting into the water.

Likewise the only way one learns to trust is to trust.

Sigh. If I drown, I guess it won't make any difference anyway right? If I die, that will be one cynic less in the world. Okay ... just tell me how to let go of the life jacket.

1 comment:

mellowyellow said...

Poor you! Goodness you sound blue. Hope you are feelin better by now, have a good weekend