6.22.2005

50 for Pistons

Tee-hee. Just wanted to post this.

I'm not a gambler. I don't play majong or card games when there is money involved. Neither am I a basketball fan. I stopped watching basketball when Michael Jordan folded up his Bulls jersey.

But today, just for fun, I went to bet on the Detroit Pistons with friends at the office. And I won 50 pesos. Hehehe. Yey! Free lunch!

6.21.2005

Blue to white

I didn't realize that I worry people with my words. I sort of just say anything that comes to mind without really thinking how people would read into it. It is a journal after all, right? And isn’t it supposed to be an unedited version of your thoughts? ... without the ramblings and the nonsense. But who can do without the ramblings and the nonsense? When they fill in the empty spaces in between the words?

I blog for therapy. I usually find myself blogging when I’m having a horrific day, or when I’m extremely blissful, or when I really have nothing else to do … like now. Most of the time, it’s usually the first reason because I tend to write short entries when I’m too happy. So this blog does look kind of depressing, doesn’t it? Hehehe.

Re-read my last entry and starting to think that people imagined me as either crazy or depressive. (Grin) Truth is, I'm a bit of both. And I'm also a bit of happy, and sarcastic and ... odd. But who cares? That's me and I don't want to change. It makes me feel better to tell the world whatever eccentrics my mind will conjure. It's better to see them in words rather have them materialize into ... something equally strange.

Thanks for cheering me up people. Things get better. I’m not going to die alone. And I wear my hair down so there’s little possibility of that bun unless the weather dictates it. The Viking has volunteered to be my therapist, everyone seems to think I need one - HAHAHAHA, so I’m in good hands. All is well with the world.

I’m working on a blog make-over. Nothing drastic. Just a change of curtains to let the sun shine in. So I’m turning the blue into white. What do you think?

6.16.2005

I'm a contradiction

Just when you thought you can get over a hurdle, you realize you have to climb a hill. Sigh. God sometimes has a strange sense of humor.

A quiz once asked me a very stupid question: If you did not exist, what would the world miss? DUH! I won't even waste my time with an answer. It is just too dumb.

After struggling for three hours to get some sleep I'm bracing myself for the awful truth. I have scales and I'm hideous. I scare men with over-analysis of simple facts and suspicion. I am destined to be alone. I'm going to die childless and bitter and strange, with hair in a bun and glasses as thick as magnifying lens. Sob ... Maybe it's just my period kicking in. I do tend to be overly dramatic this time of month.

I'm not only complicated. I have a capacity to contradict myself. I laugh when I'm in pain. I shed tears when I'm too happy. I love deeply but can't trust fully.

Reminds me of a story I read somewhere:
A mother of a young boy told his friends who had invited him to go swimming, "I am not going to allow Michael to go into the water until he learns to swim." Obviously, the only way one learns to swim is by getting into the water.

Likewise the only way one learns to trust is to trust.

Sigh. If I drown, I guess it won't make any difference anyway right? If I die, that will be one cynic less in the world. Okay ... just tell me how to let go of the life jacket.

6.15.2005

Barnacles and Tartar Sauce

I thought maybe it's high time for a post. Barnacles and tartar sauce! Instead of saying SHIT!, that's how my 9-year old nephew swears. And I echo him with amusement. I have lots to blog about. BARNACLES AND TARTAR SAUCE!

Woke up very early yesterday morning because of whispers and the sound of TV. That usually occurs when bad news happens so I forced myself to get up to see what the commotion was about. The last time this happened was when everyone was monitoring the news of the tsunami. My two sisters were up and awake in front of the tv. The jury has a verdict, they chorused. We are not really die-hard Michael Jackson fans. I do believe Jacko is wacko but I don't think he can do that to children. There's always the benefit of the doubt. Innocent until proven guilty. But who can really tell except those who were really there when it happened. Anyway, nobody really wins in cases like this. The damage has been done as soon as the press gets their blood on the papers. They will be marked for life, both MJ and the kids. I refuse to believe in bad things about people until I get really first hand proof. I realized this makes me subject to con artists and heart-breakers. But then again, I don't readily trust people either. I'm careful with lending money. With love, well, let's just say that I know my truth and that's the only thing that concerns me. If the guy plays around, its really his loss - hehehe. So I'm naive. BARNACLES AND TARTAR SAUCE!

Finally finished One Hundred Years of Solitude. Been reading it for six weeks. It was required reading when I was in college and I swore it was the most difficult book I've ever read. I couldn't finish it then because there were too many unreal things and I hated my Humanities teacher for choosing it as part of the course. But writer friend says its his favorite book. Then another councilor-friend from Leganes said its a must read. Which got me curious again. Why all the raves about a book I really hated? Then Oprah's Book Club was the last straw. I bought it. I read it. Slowly because Gabriel Garcia Marquez demands undivided attention. And vacation and kids sort of demanded the same. But when I turned the last page, I love it! Realized that everyone has in one way or another, a means to be and a need to be solitary. No man is an island they say. But everyone draws invisible circles around themselves to keep people away. I know this. I do it when I write and when I'm deep at work on a project. I do this when I grieve. I do this then I'm selfish. I also do this when I'm deeply in-love or when I'm in a silent rage. I also do this when I feel close to God or when I can no longer feel Him. So you see, we are more solitary that we thought we were. And it's not such a bad thing at all. Well ... most of the time it's not a bad thing. So I'm alone. Big deal. BARNACLES AND TARTAR SAUCE!

Been making the pain on my wrists even worse by non-stop tweaking on a new look for my blog. My Blog will turn a year old on July so I think it deserves another make-over. Don't want ready-made templates for it but I thought I'd create my own simple look without driving my readers crazy. I have this idea of posting new pics on my header every month, which those who have my header pic as links would not be too happy about. But it's the best way to show my pics without having to post something about it. Anyway, have realized that showing my blogs to my nieces is not such a good idea. It limits the things I want to talk about. But maybe it also challenges me to be more transparent to those close to me. I didn't want to be found out. But maybe there is a good reason for all this. Ouch! My wrists hurts! BARNACLES AND TARTAR SAUCE!

I'm down to my last 20 pesos. Gave my last money to pay the maid's salary. Payday will be next week and I have to live on 20 pesos. Hehehe. It's not even enough to get me to work tomorrow but I don't want to worry. I think I've trained myself to stop worrying about such things. I'm not being fatalistic and I'm not the type to say "God will provide" just to make myself feel better (although I do believe in that in most cases). I just don't want to worry about finances anymore. I refuse to. They add lines to my face and turn my head white. I will find a way to get to work tomorrow. I will find a way to go through 7 more days till payday. I believe that there are worst things that could happen, and a 20 peso bill in my wallet is not one of them. Maybe I am living Master Yoda's advice. Letting go of everything you consider valuable. Grin. Maybe I'll just start worrying tomorrow. So I'm broke. And for the last time ... BARNACLES AND TARTAR SAUCE!

I'm hungry! Gonna get me barnacles and tartar sauce.

6.07.2005

Contentment

The worse thing about going back from a long vacation is finding everything just the way you left them. Hehehe. Not that I was expecting everything to miraculously change. Perhaps it is my silent wish to see my reality through different eyes after experiencing a slight change from my usual. But here I am, back at work, back to my huge pillow and my comfy bed, and my computer, Kimberly; yet I find myself needing. Funny thing is, I don't really know what I need.

Which brings me to wonder if there was ever a minute in my life that I was 100% satisfied. Looking back, there were moments when I was so happy, I thought I could die right there. Like when I'm floating in clear beach water and the sun shines on me without the glare. Or finding myself so relaxed after a massage with the rain cooling the evening air, and a love one's arm draped around my waist. Or hearing a small child do or say something ridiculously funny that you start to think nothing could go wrong in the world. And loud boisterious moments with friends or family where laughter never seem to subside or end. Rare moments dug up from old photo albums. But valued.

Quoting the viking: "The worst thing you can tell yourself is that you will only be happy if you get this or that. It's the greatest lie ever." That is sooooo true. I don't think man was ever created to be completely happy. There would always be one or two things you wish to be better. But we can't and must not gauge happiness with what we do not have but with what we do have. The truth of the matter is we have everything we need, if we only know what attitude to take. Of course, I am saying that from the point of view of a 34-year old office worker. I'm not starving, I have a roof in my head, nothing explodes here except my daddy's farts and I have family who drives me crazy (but that's the reason why I still have my sanity). If you don't have the bare necessities, then I guess you will always be in need.

I don't know what I need. Therefore I don't need. In the words of Master Yoda: Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose (stolen from Spunky Daisy's blog). So repeat after me, in manner of mantra: I don't need anything. I don't need anything. I don't need anything.

6.02.2005

Good to be home

Back from an event-filled vacation. Pictures to come later. A re-cap:


May 27 - Friday

3am Took a 4-hour drive from Iloilo City to Caticlan, Kalibo inside Revo with 5 kids, 4 adults and me -not quite a kid, not quite an adult hehehe. With luggage, it's like packing 20 people inside a volkswagen.

7am Arrived at Caticlan, a bit cramped but in good spirits. After securing RoRo (Roll-in, Roll-Out boats for cars and passengers) tickets, took 30-minute boat ride across bay to Boracay for a breakfast, quick swim, lunch, shower, sleep, shopping.

3pm Island-hopped back to Caticlan to board the Roro (Nephew pronounces it Row Row) boat. Bummed around at port for awhile.

6:30pm Left Caticlan for a 5-hour ride to Roxas, Mindoro. Saw dolphins - two of them - jumping beside our boat for a short period. Love the stars in the night sky but couldn't get much sleep because of uncomfortable chairs.

11:30pm Arrived at Roxas, Mindoro and drove for two hours to Calapan, Mindoro for boat ride to Luzon. Kids sleepy but entertained with nephew's rendition of Sponge-Bob Square Pants the Movie - complete with sound effects and singing.


May 28 - Saturday

1:30am Arrived first at Calapan after imagined 'Amazing Race' with ABS-CBN car, several big buses who took the same Roro from Caticlan. Boarded another Roro boat to Batangas City. Estimated time of travel - two hours. Slept on deck chair with stars and darkness. Wished Viking could see the view.

3:30am Met Ver, our driver at the Batangas port and scrunged some more to make room. Drove to Eagle's Point Resort in Batangas. Long winding roads. Dark and very tired. Arrived at 5:30am only to be informed that reserved room will not be available till 11am. Slept at car for 1 and a half hours before we were ushered to a temporary room. With no dinner and no breakfast or coffee, everyone was grumpy. Was revived with bath and breakfast at Jollibee - in another town (Breakfast at Eagle's point was P300 per head - not in budget! LOL) . Went swimming in resort pool. Took pictures of butterflies, turtles, eagles, splashing water. Had nice dinner at resort restaurant overlooking breath-taking view, because it was my brother's birthday. Slept late.


May 29 - Sunday
7am Had free breakfast at resort. After game of billiards, packed bags and left for Tagaytay. Saw mountain quarrying. Feel sorry for nature.

12:30pm Arrived at rented house, had lunch with brother priest and brother#3 with family. Bonded. Laughed. Grilled fish and squids. mmmmmm. Don't you just loved Filipino families? Bribed 4-year old niece for kiss with Piyaya. She took the piyaya but no kiss.

2:30pm Went to Taal Lake to take boat ride to Taal volcano. When we got there, had to ride a white horse (Yey! My first!) on very steep trail to get to top of volcano to have a good view of the crater. Got on top first despite inexperience with my horse Shara (Had a guide who rode with me up there). Saw boiling water, sulfur, smoke coming out of crater holes, crows flying. Was expecting for water to open and out comes a rocket like in those James Bond movies. Nice. Except for trash left by local vendors. Tsk tsk tsk. Went down the same way.

6:30pm Attended mass at Our Lady of Lourdes Church. Amazed that they use a computer screen to show hymn lyrics. hehehe. was even more amazed to see pictures of Deacons shown to public announcing their ordination soon on same screen. Wondered if you decide to get married there, would they show your pictures too? Hmmm. Picture must be good if they get to be shown in that size. hehehe.

8:30pm Arrived rented house. Dinner. Tried to bribe niece for a kiss. did not suceed. More bonding with family. Fell asleep watching Binibini Pilipinas on TV.


May 30 - Monday

9am Left Tagaytay to go around this park, I forgot the name. Took more pictures of Taal Volcano, did a bit of shopping.

12nn Went around mall while waiting for Enchanted Kingdom to open.

2pm Entered Enchanted Kingdom and rode almost all the rides with kids LOL - felt like a kid too. All rides were tame except for the Anchors away ship that swings at 180 degree angles for two minutes. I was ready to puke. And I had my eyes closed on the jungle Log Jam. But I loved the other rides. Took the rapids two times and got really wet. Had to sit on towel on the ride home.

6pm - Drove to Pasig City where we stayed at my Brother#3's house. Had dinner. Bonded yet again. Tried to bribe niece affections but all I got was a loud "FINE!". LOL


May 31 - Tuesday

8:30am Drove to Makati to check kids into fancy hotel. Sister-in-law lost her ID so we had to wait around a lot but that was fine.

12:30pm Entered ABS-CBN on passes to view Wowowee. Hid at the back and made fun of people's reactions. Hid behind people everytime camera passes our way. Was not a fan and realized I didn't know half of the 'celebrities' present there. But glad to get the chance to see a live TV show. Went around the studio and ate lunch in one of the restuarants there. My nieces would point at this star and that star but I didn't recognize any. I ought to watch more local TV.

4:30pm Went shopping at Greenhills but didn't buy anything. Had dinner there.

6:30pm Dropped the kids at the hotel and with Ver, drove the car to the airport to pick up youngest brother flying in from Iloilo with girlfriend. Drove brother's gf to Pasay and arrived Pasig at 11:30pm for rest.


June 1 - Wednesday

9:30am Said goodbye to niece - still no kiss. Commutted to Megamall to buy pasalubong with youngest brother and Dad. Niece called cellphone to apologize for being mean and say i love you! and Umwah! (Sigh! Almost didn't make it). Had lunch there. Dad got lost. Good thing they gave him a new cellphone. Brother #3 picked us up at drove to Robinson's Galleria for coffee and more window-shopping. Was picked up by sister-in-law there. Started to drive to Batangas for home at 4:30pm. Left Dad and brothers at mall.

6:30pm Arrived at Batangas port. Said goodbye to Ver. Boarded Roro boat and got good seats. was able to lie down and stretch legs for the whole trip.

8:30pm Arrived at Mindoro. Rushed to Roxas, Mindoro to try to catch 12mn trip to Caticlan. Overtook several buses and felt pressured with the rush. Arrived at 11:30pm only to find 12mn trip is fully booked. Slept at the car for a few hours.


June 2 - Thursday

3am Rode the Roro to Caticlan. Paid extra Php550 to sleep in private room, on carpeted floor, so kids can get some sleep. (smirk) Nothing is free. Had a good sleep but missed the sunrise.

7am Arrived at Caticlan. Drove to Kalibo for breakfast. Listened to nephew sing. Priceless.

12:30pm Arrived home. Showered. Slept.

Sigh. I missed my bed.