I skipped an important community meeting just to be with them. So felt a little guilty when I got home and received late Christmas presents left by friends from my no-show meeting. To compensate, I tackled gift-wrapping late Christmas presents to priest-friends with zest and with the spirit of the hunted escapee. No escape there.
I consoled myself that I will be retiring from this community. I've sent in my notice yesterday and hoped they don't include me in the 2006 calendar. I even had my speech ready:
There was this story (by Henry Nouwen I think but I'm not sure) about a monk who lived in the mountains. One day, he woke up as saw mountains and trees and asked himself, is this all there is to it? So he left the monastery, travelled and experienced God. When he came back he saw the mountains and saw how great and big the world is; and when he saw the trees, he saw life and hope there. And he saw how stupenduous and wonderful it all is. He left again to experience the world and after returning in the monastery for a few more months, he started to view the mountains as mountains again. And the trees as just trees. That, he said is enlightenment.
That will be my argument. I have found enlightenment and need to move on.
Why do I feel so sad? It's Vee's birthday pa naman. ;) I've lost 4 pounds in a week by just avoiding rice and exercising. I am elated by the thought that losing weight doesn't seem that difficult to me anymore. I'm not skipping meals. But I feel so !@#$%$#%^$ tired as if I've just run a marathon.
The Viking is still busy with work problems. He's handling it like a champion so I know he will be alright.
I look at my camera, now sitting on a borrowed tripod with a borrowed flash. It's the last thing I see when I sleep and the first thing I check on when I wake up. I love it. Yet I hate it too. I will be using it soon for the Dinagyang festival. And a certain muslim comes to mind and without really understanding why, I really wish I've never met him.
This is enlightenment, I say. To experience God, yet see the world at it is. I can almost hear God tell me: "You, daughter of Eve, YOU THINK TOO MUCH!". Hehehe.
Inshallah, sigh, I will get what I need this 2006.