Life is a series of stages. When you outgrow one, you move on to the other. You don't stand still. Because staying in one stage will just limit you and you will miss all of God's wonders by just taking a long sojourn in one phase. You stay for the period you needed to stay. Sooner or later, you would know in your heart when you need to move on. And God will be with you whichever stage you are in. Because He is a God of order and is the All Mighty.
A friend of mine from one community came to visit me one night. He came to talk me into attending this and that seminar which is suppose to be good for me and draw me closer to God. I guess that because I'm no longer in a church community, I am giving the impression that I've become godless. Which is okay, for I alone know my truth.
I became aware of my resistance to his cause. I nod and smile and pretend to be interested. I didn't want to offend him. But at the back of my mind, I wished he would stop talking about his community. If you came to talk to me about God, then let's talk about God. Not some community. If you want me to attend it, why don't you just say it in my face so I can say no and we can get on with the process of being friends and talk about the real important things. Sigh. The feeling I got, which is probably why I am no longer in community ... is that he wants me there because they need me there. That they needed something from me.
Organizations, communities, affiliations are good, always good ... for the time that you can get something from them - may it be growth, spiritual nourishment or an outlet for your enthusiasm and energy. It becomes a life force itself and you get fulfilled for being there. But as the life force in you ebbs, so does the interest. I don't want to sound ungrateful for all the organizations I've been involved in. I served them all with as much energy and time as they would give me and I appreciated everything I've learned and experienced in each of them. But there's a point where you have to say, I'm alright. Please leave me alone. I am moving on. I am discovering new things that involves another group of people. They may not be a community but they are helping me in my new stage. I don't need a seminar to tell me how to be emotionally mature, or how to connect with my inner child. I've been there. I've done that. I know a lot of emotionally mature people who have figured that out without a seminar. I don't want to severe my affiliations. But please, give me space to make room for new things, new experiences. new possibilities, which if I don't try now, might never ever experience again.
I have moved to another stage. It doesn't require me to attend community. It doesn't ask me to preach or to raise my hands and shout just to pray. It allows me to appreciate God within the confines of my own reality. It permits me to be angry and be sad, and to feel a whole lot more and I believe, this is not such a bad thing. I am where I need to be. If a turn in my stages would someday lead me to where your community is, let me be the one to go to you and say, "I'm ready to be here now."
For now, I am happy where I am. So please, just let me be. Because that's how it has always been for me. Stages. Life will always be in stages. And I am happy where I am.