on being ms finch

I'm back to work

2012-01-23T10:54:00.000+08:00

Or that what I keep telling myself. I haven't been lazy. There's too many things going on it seems that I keep neglecting a little bit of everything. I did get some jobs done though but they were mostly edits and tweaks and nothing that required any artistic, dig-through-your-soul passion. So now, I'm back to work. Already have jobs lined up, about two probono projects and a few serious ones. I haven't had time to close my books yet but I'm projecting a bad verdict for 2011. Too many expenses although the income was alright. I'm now beginning to think I charge too small for my services but I don't really want to change my prices for now. It's a passion so as long as my bills get paid, money is really not that important. I have decided not to travel this year - at least that's the plan. I think I need to recover my losses for 2011. Last year I had Davao, Macau, Hong Kong and Boracay as major vacations and it made a huge hole in my pocket. But no regrets though. They were deserved and much needed.I've also given up coffee and sticking to water. I need to be healthy to work.Just finished a hectic weekend with Kasadyahan and Dinagyang Festivals. I stopped focusing on photography for now. Better photographers are around whose talents I really appreciate so I will leave it to them to produce the goods for the festival. Had a good time but a bit sun-burned. I have a wedding to attend to next week plus a mini-reunion with my yahyah friends. Everything's good. So I'm back to work today, Chinese New Year. to design two website templates. Kung Hei Fat Choi everyone :)

2011-12-31T10:59:00.000+08:00

I know I should post something but I'm having so much fun this Christmas, I can't stop grinning.

A belated Merry Christmas to all and a Prosperous and Happy New Year :)

Pajamas that were made for me

2011-12-10T05:52:00.001+08:00

I haven't posted anything for a loooong time. Life just got very hectic lately and I have too many things happening all at once. Anyways, I got these pajamas from BFF last night and I love them. They fit like they've been tailored for me - and that's usually rare for me with clothes.

Which makes me really happy to have really great friends and family tailored for me. I've been meeting up and re-connecting with old friends and relatives - and will probably be doing that for the rest of December. I have meet-ups scheduled until the 30th so it will be pretty tight but I'm looking forward to all of them.

Just wanna say that I'm very thankful and very lucky to have all these wonderful people around me and supporting me. I celebrate our differences and our likeness. I celebrate the years we've spent with each other. I'm just grateful to have them in bounty, that we are like-minded and share a wicked sense of humor.

Yup, these pajamas were just made for me. Wearing them makes me sleep soundly.

Hawaii Five Owwwwww

2011-11-12T22:06:00.001+08:00

Saw this in You Tube and can't stop listening to it. Makes you want to grab a grass skirt and shake your booty all the way to kingdom come. My older siblings were fans. I never did like watching it because I was too young to understand it. But I loved the theme then and still love it now.

Started watching the new Hawaii Five Oh. Still love the theme. Not too impressed with the show though, It has it's moments. I'm on my second season.

My TV

2011-11-12T09:43:00.001+08:00

I just finished watching the last episode of the first season of The Big C. Yup, I was weeping my eyes off as if I've just lost my mother. I am grateful to great writers and extremely in awe of great talent like Laura Linney. Still basking in the aura of storytelling, I thought it was time I do something cheeky. Like post an updated list of my favorite American TV series :). Glenn, a family friend once remarked how our family can soak up ironic American humor. I asked him what he meant. He said that very few people can understand how you can laugh about something terrible happening in a House episode. Anyway, here they are:

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. Las Vegas, the all original series. I like New York too but I detest Horatio. I only watch them when the other CSI shows when they somehow interlink with the Las Vegas. But CSI is my all -time favorite. Grissom is an interesting character and I like how he blends with his supporting staff (Catherine, Nick, Greg, Sara, Jim Brass and even the eccentric David). When he and Warrick left the series, it still remained a strong source of entertainment. Laurence Fishburn did not quite replace Grissom but still I found him a refreshing addition to the cast. You pick up a few curious tidbits about forensic science along the way. I don't know if I'll ever put them to good use but still it's good to know. The most basic thing I learned in CSI is that that you can identify time of death by just identifying bugs found in the body and lighted sticks can show you the path of a bullet. Really geeky but I love it. It's on its twelfth season and still going strong.

Weeds. Nancy Botwin is a real unconventional mother and a huge BI. Not someone you'd want to get mixed into in real life. But her story is hilarious and exciting - although not in a good way most of the time. I used to follow the show because of Martin Donovan but his character turned out to be a real ass and I'm glad they had to kill him off. I still like Martin Donovan though. The series is full of tense melo-drama that pisses you off when they end each episode because you;ll have to wait another week to see how it turns out. There's a stark contrast between the "good" life and the "bad" which is quite poetic in some way. But it's great and I love that just when you thought things are going to be alright, something else fucks up and you're back to the whirlwind of lies and drugs. Intense. Love it.

The United States of Tara. Deranged and sardonically lovable, Tara played by the talented Toni Collette is all-intriguing in all her disassociative indentities. Helps you appreciate being deranged to a totally new level. Add John Corbett as the insanely perfect husband, brings everything to a somewhat distorted balance. Maybe crazy people just live more interesting lives? Of course, my favorite identity is Tara herself. And the artwork in the opening credits - I love love love that. Tara is an artist - I connect with that. I think that this is one tiring series to act on if you're playing multiple personalities. But Collette played everyone quite well. Her daughter reminds me of my younger sister. :D

House. Hugh Laurie. Rude, Unreasonable, Crass, Abusive, Drug-Addict, Brilliant. My kind of guy. I love him as the modern day Sherlock Homes. I was not too happy when he got involved with Cuddy and was not too comfortable with seeing House in jail. I think he was more at home in a nuthouse but still, he's a funny guy and brutal as he may be, his reasoning is flawless :) I do miss Olivia Wilde though (13). But I like to see that there's a dry and humorless asian in the team. Makes you think of home. haha. Foreman to me is House' conscience and Wilson, his puppy. Taub is the funny guy and Chase the eye-candy. :)

The Big C. The series that born this post. I'm happy to learn that there;s a second season and are planning a third. I love how American tend to tackle subjects that people would rather not talk about. So they talk about it and it's hilarious. And sad. And scary. But all the emotions are there which makes a hit of a series. Laura Linney is great as Cathy Jamison. And I've always loved Oliver Platt. And the Oncologist Dr. Todd ( Reid Scott) - sigh. Marlene somehow reminds me of older Audrey Hepburn for some reason. I dread it when they start chemo - I think that that will be difficult to watch but if they could make fun of death quite successfully, who knows what they could do with sickness.

Criminal Minds. If you like forensic science, then you will probably be drawn to serial killers as well. Again, I miss Gideon but Gibson has become a great leader for his team and Rossi adds italian sass, My favorite charcater of course is computer wizard Penelope, and the walking dictionary Spencer Reed. We often wonder why they describe the killer in the same way when they brief the police, each profiler taking turns to speak - one after the other. But its become tradition, much like the beginning and end quote of each episode. It;s here I learned that people of the same race have a hard time distinguishing differences on facial features in a police line-up. If you're an Asian witness, you'll have more difficulty picking up criminal in an all-Asian line-up than in an all-white line-up/ And when you're abducted, you're best chance of escape when they lock you inside the back hood of the car, it to break the taillights from the inside/ Of course, that's only applicable in America because most cars in the Philippines have broken tail lights. LOL.

And these are just the current top six. :)

Chasing Pavements

2011-11-11T20:25:00.000+08:00

Current favorite. And I keep it playing in repeat1 :)

I've made up my mind, don't need to think it over
If I'm wrong I am right, don't need to look no further
This ain't lust, I know this is love

But if I tell the world, I'll never say enough
'Cause it was not said to you
And that's exactly what I need to do if I'd end up with you

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?

I build myself up and fly around in circles
Wait then as my heart drops and my back begins to tingle
Finally could this be it?

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep on chasing pavements
Should I just keep on chasing pavements?

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?

Bite Me!

2011-11-08T23:45:00.001+08:00

Haven't blogged for quite awhile. Been busy. Have projects lined up and good thing there's plenty of holidays this month.

So I created another secret blog (insert echoing evil laugh). It's my ... I dunno. I think I stopped counting after six but these things just come and go and they're a great outlet to vent off feelings. :)

For now, here's a pic of my baby boy - well, not really my own baby but someone I borrow from his mother now and then coz he's cute and adorable. Here he is getting ready for trick or treat. And here he is practicing his bite by hanging on my shirt. The costumes not complete yet. There's a motorcycle there somewhere. We have decided that he's too young for a gun and we couldn't find a leather jacket. He looks scary enough. Anyway, he made it a few blocks (Thanks to the motorcycle) before dangerously falling off because he was dozing from tiredness. Had to carry him home on my shoulder while pushing the motorcycle with another hand. But let me just say like a proud aunt, this boy can drive standing up. Of course, he doesn't know how to turn the handles yet but for a one year old - he rocks :D

Yes, I know. We distort their minds at a very young age. It's tradition.

Arrgggghhhh ...

2011-10-26T20:50:00.000+08:00

I've always told myself that there is no room for idealist here. People are only human after all. But I can't accept that people can't change when they want to. For me that's always a possibility but it's probably a naive understanding of human nature. People will have excuses. People will want to stick to their comfort zones. People will always be stubborn. Like me.

A friend of mine posted this in fb: "All successful people these days seems to be neurotic. Perhaps we should stop being sorry for them and start being sorry for me - for being so confounded normal."

I am not happy today. And for once, I hate being the idealist. It's the winter of my discontent.

Change before you have to

2011-10-05T22:09:00.000+08:00

I'm in the middle of ... something ... don't really know what to call it yet. Finally had David (the PC) fixed. Also solved the problem with the adaptor for Atticus (the laptop). When I hooked the former, I accidentally spilled glass cleaner all over the keyboard. So now I also have keyboard problems. So it's been decided that I need to buy that new PC before the weekend. Meanwhile, I've been working on my laptop which handles mostly everything except for my graphics work - I need my wide monitor for that. For now, I'm just doing research for my next project and anticipating working on it on my new PC. I've actually went window shopping the other day and found what I wanted. This will be my first brand new PC if I do get it - no more second hand computers. It took me four years to replace Kimberly (my first PC) and now it's been three years of working with David. While Kimberly handled my first experiments with the business, it was David who launched most of my work to the public. So I feel both sentimental and excited. I'm making changes. And I've probably postponed it for a long time now. No more dual core. Bigger screen. Bigger disk space. New.

Now I need a name. I'm torn between Arun, Rancho, Nixon or Major Winters. LOL. Which one is better?

I promised you a sneak peek at my Starbucks Planner on my last post. Didn't get to post them because of the PC problems but here they are now:

This is Nixon

This represents Arun - his muse Yasmin.

Major Winters

Bottom one represents Rancho

Too early for humanity

2011-10-02T06:17:00.002+08:00

It's 5:46am and too early for humanity. That's because slept at 3am doing sketches of people with pencils - something I just learned to do and find it fun. But the baby had to sleep next to me early today because his parents had to go to the market to buy food. So this little piggy stayed home. The baby had this bad habit of waking up and wanting to put back to sleep only if you carry him in your arms and croon him back to sleep. I wonder where he got that idea. LOL. Sigh. So no sleep for me until the parents come home.

Anyway, I wanted to post pics from my Starbucks diary. My sister-in-law gave me this Starbucks Planner last January. It had everything I wanted in a planner - good paper, hard bound cover and enough room to be creative. I have converted it to a notebook, sketchbook, a taskbook and an ideas book while it still continues to be a planner at heart. I've wanted to post pics of what it looks like in the inside but it's taking forever to load so let me just post two and resize the rest of the pics for web to post later. I have to do this now before the boy wakes or else will need to rock him to sleep again and I'm running out of songs. LOL

The Sale tag was created for a client and the bahay kubo sketch was from a drawing workbook I bought in Manila to teach me to sketch. Yes, even in creativity, I tend to be bookish - at least with the technical part. If you can't read my terrible handwriting - it's a note about "Good Performance" -something I pick up here and there on my readings. I copy it in THE notebook so I can remember it since I tend to forget where I read it.

Ooops! The boy woke up and is saying hello to the remote control. Be right back with more pics later.

Misanthrope

2011-09-26T20:30:00.000+08:00

I have a new word. Misanthrope. LOL. Blame it on this guy.

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk

Wala lang.Haha.

I don't feel like working today with the rain from Pedring making all that racket. But let me just post this one trivial detail. There's a meme going about that says the No. 1 single on the day of your birth serves as the theme for the rest of your life. The No.1 song on my date of birth is George Harrison's "My Sweet Lord". For some reason, it's not only hilariously funny, it's also terribly ironic.

I cannot bring myself to work today. Just have too many things on my mind. Maybe tomorrow. Good Night.

Misanthrope. Somebody who hates people: somebody who hates humanity, or who dislikes and distrusts other people and tends to avoid them. (Microsoft® Encarta® 2007. © 1993-2006 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.)

Flee Fly Flew

2011-09-07T03:48:00.000+08:00

Went jogging after work yesterday at the Sports Complex. I haven't done that in about hmmmm ... eight months? I pushed for at least 1Km of jogging with at least 1km intervals of brisk walking in between and the usual sprint on the last few meters. It felt good. I miss my jogging buddies. Didn't want to stress myself after gaining so much weight and not much exercise.

Anyway,I'm going back there later today. It's become a more crowded place since I last remember it. I still prefer the Boulevard - for the better fresh air. But with my new jogging buddies, this will do. :)

It's 3am and I'm wide awake.

Astonishing Kiran Rao

2011-08-30T01:46:00.001+08:00

Kiran Rao Pictures

Ahhhhh Shit! Just saw the movie Dhobi Ghat (Mumbai Diaries, 2010). Written and directed by Kiran Rao, wife of Aamir Khan. And now I think I'm in love with both husband and wife. (Insert expletives here!)

I'm already having a hard time getting over Ghajini and Taare Zameen Par, and now I have another movie stuck in my head. I LOVE IT! I love the screenplay, I love how it was directed, I love the cinematography - the display of colors and culture, I looooooove how the characters were portrayed and revealed. And the music (by Gustavo Santaolalla of the Babel and Motorcycle Diaries fame) - ahhhhh, I keep hearing it over and over in my mind. It's disturbing! I've been re-playing all Aamir Khan movies since I saw Three Idiots. I think this one tops all of them. I love Kiran Rao! And I love her more than Aamir Khan.

The film will remind you of the movies Magnolia, Jologs and I think I saw a Korean film with somehow similar idea that starred Jung Woo Sung. The intertwining of lives - and how each person affects another in a deep and subtle way. How each solitary soul can somehow connect with another - by just understanding the depths of their being. I love how shots were made with a handheld camera - I think that was a great idea. I love the simplicity of the conversations that deeply lie about the turmoil the characters were going through. I love the windows and the looking in. I love the old woman neighbor and her role in the film as a silent witness. I love the ending - how everything was resolved but not quite. I love. I love. I love.

Dhobi Ghat is a great movie. Hollywood should see it. I think the world should see it.

Ah shit. Now I won't be able to sleep again tonight with the movie replaying in my head. I now desperately want to meet Aamir Khan and Kiran Rao and tell them how I love their art. As difficult as it is to get foreign independent films in this country, I'm gonna try and look for their next projects.

Ahhhh, fucking A! I hated getting wired up over things like this. But shit happens. What else can I do?

Stellar Aamir Khan

2011-08-28T03:15:00.001+08:00

I am so happy to hear that Vilma Santos and Sharon Cuneta are going back to acting again. I loved "Tagos ng Dugo" and "Madrasta" among others and would list them as my top Pinoy films. But this post is not all about Pinoy films, although I think they deserve one and I hope to write one soon. Tonight, I wanted to write about Aamir Khan.

I first saw him years ago in Lagaan (Taxes, 2001), a Bollywood film about a small town trying to save its sad plight from high taxes by waging a cricket match against British Officers during the height of the British Rule in India. I saw it after a series of seminars on "Christ on Film" given to our Catholic community for free by the screenwriter of "Nine Mornings" Ton Sison. It was explained to us why Bollywood films take 3-4 hours and why dances and singing were essential to their films. I normally could not stand to watch a long film - I fall asleep quite easily. But Lagaan got me weeping and cheering for the Indian Team all throughout the movie. I especially loved the part where they worshiped their gods to help them win a game. That segment alone was overpowering to me and reminded me of how glorious it is to be in God's presence in quiet surrender. From then on, I listed Lagaan as one of my favorite movies, next to Amistad, Shawshank Redemption and Children of Heaven (Pakistan). Lagaan was nominated Best Foreign Film in the 2002 Academy Awards.

I didn't know the name Aamir Khan then although I found him quite a handsome young man acting as Bhuvan in Lagaan. A few months ago, I saw Rang de Bashanti (Color of Sacrifice, 2006) about a documentary filmmaker covering a story about freedom fighters during the Indian Independent Movement. This one I fould a bit overdone although I still find the film impressive. The character DJ was now recognized as Aamir Khan, the headstrong Bhuvan.

My sisters and I started to follow his films. You must have heard of the Three Idiots (2009). I blogged about it a few months ago and Aahmir Khan also played the lead role. That story strongly resonates with me - being a college dropout who feels that people have more to offer in life even without a college degree. I also love the script on textbook definitions, the demonstrations re: price of shoes, the speech about following passions - very smart screenplay.

Last week, I saw Ghajini (2008), a total impressive film that first reminded me of the movie Memento but with a different twist. It was about a man with short term memory loss and how he coped with the reason for his brain disease. Aamir played a different man here - a tortured brutal killer - and played in quite well too.

I just finished Taare Zameen Par (Like Stars on Earth, 2007), a heart-warming story about a young boy coping with being misunderstood. All my favorite people are mentioned here: Einstein, Picasso, Edison. I loved how he tells the story and how his characters develop during the film. I think there is quite a bit of exaggerated emphasis on some parts but this seems to be characteristic of all his films. Sort of like a trademark but I love that too, surprisingly, for someone who detests corny. Aamir Khan produced and directed this film himself of which he played a supporting role. Again, the quality of the movie in script, acting, cinematography and direction - stellar.

I now want to marry Aamir Khan - or at least, the roles he plays in his movies. He is however married to Kiran Rao whom he met in the movie Lagaan.

Let's see. Robert Redford would be my favorite American male actor, Sean Connery my favorite Brit, Jung Woo Sung- my fave Korean, and Christopher de Leon my favorite Pinoy artista. Khan would be my Bollywood idol. Thank God for unreal men in movies.

Oink

2011-08-16T05:33:00.000+08:00

I've been eating like a pig. I cannot seem to stop. If I keep this up, I'd soon be qualified for the Pinoy Biggest Loser 2. I don't know if it's depression or stress or just good food. What more, the baby broke the weighing scale by picking it up and throwing it for fun. I don't no how much I weigh and that worries me.

I'm suppose to be on a weight-loss challenge with my friends but it seems I'm going in the opposite direction. I also haven't gone to the gym or walked or jogged for a looong time. I miss my gym buddies. I miss my walking therapies. They are currently losing weight in other countries. But it's been raining and I don't like to get wet. LOL. I have exercise and dance videos which I don't touch. Running after the baby is the only exercise I'm getting. That worries me too.

I finished a whole pint of Rocky Road ice cream by myself last weekend. That worries me the most.

I need to do something about it. But that sandwich looks tempting.

eternal sunshine

2011-08-06T21:10:00.000+08:00

I've been working since last night and finally took a break late afternoon. It's been raining hard and after a bath, all I could really do was watch a movie. I started this Korean series about assassins called Athena but didn't have the patience to wait for it to download. So instead I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Again. And yet again, I find myself analyzing every confusing moment of the movie. It doesn't help that my sister is playing classical music in the next room while the baby sleeps. The music is suppose to stimulate his mind in his sleep. So we have rain, a depressingly mind-boggling movie, no dinner and classical music.

All I can say is my mind right now has no sunshine, is not entirely spotless and that chocolate is not helping :\

Maybe I'm just tired. And need sleep. I think I should play Angry Birds. I'm stuck with game 20 and can't go pass it. Dang pigs are depressing me.

Okay enough of this. I'm going to bed early.

Call a spade a spade

2011-08-04T22:39:00.005+08:00

There are a few valuable lessons I learned from my father. One of them is to call things as they are. It's easier to solve problems that way. We cannot sugarcoat words just to please people because that deprives us of a clearer view of how things are. And that usually blurs the process of investigation and analysis.

So you call a pirate an opportunist, a wheeler-dealer a manipulator and a bitch a BITCH. Because that's what they are.

Seven Year Itch

2011-07-30T22:03:00.001+08:00

My blog turned seven yesterday. Unfortunately, I was in a workshop somewhere in Oton with no mobile signal and no hope for internet wi-fi. But I did get sentimental about my blog turning seven for a whole four minutes. We started singing videoke. Without wi-fi, there's no point of living life in your laptop when you have real people to live life with. So I decided to celebrate my blog's birthday by singing Dianne Reeve's Better Days with a drunk but very appreciative audience :D Life has soo much to offer outside the four sides of my monitor. And it what feeds the writing. I belted out song after song, with duets, solos and and an all-girl group. Without a drop of alcohol. And turned in at two in the morning. Who says you can't get high with life?

I was thinking of writing about the seven-year itch since this relationship with blogger would've started 1st grade by now. But there is really no point because there's is nooooo itch.

For sentimental reasons, I'm enjoying Andrea Bocelli's Con Te Partiro (With You I Will Leave) as I write this.I searched for the English lyrics, played the song and read the English translation that went with it. I change the LEAVE word of the lyrics with LIVE. Much more meaningful to me that way.

Sheesh! Try playing it on surround, dim lights and alone - and see if you heart doesn't threaten to explode by it's sheer power.

Sigh. Is it the song or me getting old?

Harry Potter for grown-ups

2011-07-16T06:20:00.001+08:00

I watched my last Harry Potter movie last night on 3D. I had to do overtime work and left the office about seven pm when I met up with a friend. Unfortunately all we could catch was the nine o'clock show and it was expensively 3D. But I said that to give allegiance to the last of the series, we should not mind the expense. After all, I was a Harry Potter fan for almost thirteen years. Very little people knew about Harry then. And the world didn't seem normal ever since :D

I started reading Harry Potter in 1997. A very good friend, Gjean insisted I read the book,The Sorcerer's Stone. She had to borrow it from a cousin who bought it in London because nobody heard about J.K. Rowling at that time. It was aimed to be a children's book but I loved it. I bought a copy and gave it to my nephew to encourage him to read. My friend and I started following Harry after that, even after she moved to Canada. When she came to visit me a few years later, she even bought me a hard-bound copy of the sixth book.

I went to a lot of trouble just looking for those books every time they come out. I don't usually buy the books I read - because they are all quite expensive. Most of the time I just borrow them from generous friends with some begging and bribing.

There was a time I had to beg a friend, RP, to let me borrow his since there was a long line of borrowers in a single Harry Potter book back home. So he sent the very thick hard-bound (the Goblet of Fire I think it was) from Manila to Iloilo by mail so I could read it. That was sooo nice of him :D

My other friend, Ethel, a lawyer, who buys these books a lot, gives me first dibs because I was the one who introduced her to Harry Potter. Borrowing the Harry Potter books alone was an adventure. I read the Deathly Hallows with an e-book copy in a tiny PDA. No wonder I have very thick prescription glasses now.

The first Harry Potter movie didn't come out until 2001 - ten years ago. Daniel Radcliffe was a tiny boy back then. Look at him now.

Anyway, I have to work today. It's a Saturday but that's ok now that I've seen Harry Potter. I would not recommend you watching it if you're not a fan. You will need a lot of catching up to do. The movie is for fans and it did some justice although I still do wish it would go on and on.

I feel separation anxiety. They are all so grown-up now. Sigh. And so am I. Lol.

Beautiful

2011-07-13T20:29:00.000+08:00

Been experiencing several allergy attacks. It's driving me crazy. Can't think right if I'm itching. Will post a more noteworthy note later.

Watched two great movies during the weekend. The first was a French film called "I Loved You So Long". I like the subtlety and quiet of European films - makes emotion so much more intense for some reason. And I love the simplicity of the ending. It stars Kristin Scott Thomas who displayed a powerful performance. Must see.

The other one was also European - Romanian but more disturbing. It was called "Four months, Three Weeks and Two Days" - all about a girl helping her friend get an abortion. The plot was simple but the emotional load - a bit heavy. But I liked it because I kept thinking about it even after it was over.

My friends and I got ourselves a theme song "because we were that girl too". It's called "Beautiful Flower" by India Arie. Check it out.

Couch Potato

2011-07-08T22:07:00.001+08:00

So I've been spending my nights on the long black couch, laptop balanced on my stomach, coffee on the side table and TV on mute. I wait for Pinoy Biggest Loser which airs at ten during weekdays and pass the time reading blogs, experimenting codes and looking at pics of half-naked men. That last part was not intentional. There just happens to be half-naked men on some of the blogs I read because they're promoting albums that seem to require them to be half-naked. Not that I mind. Lol,

Anyway, Friday night and here I am again. A friend texted and invited me for a drink but I didn't feel like dressing up so I ignored the text. Our friend Glen gave us free tickets to the Sarah Geronimo-Martin Nievera Concert but we gave it away. It just feels right to stay home tonight and watch Robin Padilla move on screen without a voice. It just feels right to be typing here with my re-formatted laptop and not worry about anything else. No talk. Minimum movement. Visually full.

Ahm show about to start. Maybe will talk to you later. Or maybe Monday when I start this whole thing all over again after the weekend break.

To Teach Is To Learn Is to Lead

2011-07-07T08:17:00.000+08:00

I've been attending a seminar on designing templates for websites, specifically Joomla because that's what the unit uses as CMS. I don't know Joomla but I was tasked to document the process because documentation is part of the training too. So they started with basic html and css - something I've been doing for a couple of years now and I know those codes like the back of my hand. So I was asked to assist the Australian Volunteer Chris to go around and help those who can't quite catch up. I kinda like looking for wrong syntax in codes and teaching the participants what went wrong with their code. And I like it when their eyes shine when they finally figure out how to make it work. I like seminars like this. But at a short time, Chris can only teach so much. We will have to figure out the rest for ourselves. It all boils down to how much do you really want to learn to improve yourself. Sort of like losing weight, how much do you really want it?

There's a pararam maxim I came across another training that says:

He who knows not, and knows not that he knows not, is a fool. Shun him.
He who knows, and knows not that he knows, is asleep. Wake him.
He who knows not, and knows he knows not, is simple. Teach him.
He who knows, and knows he knows is wise. Follow him.

I have very little patience for fools. The rest just needs to be led. Which would probably bring me to a topic on leadership, something I've wanted to blog about for a long time but I can't seem to finish the post.

The thing is ... I have such high respect for leaders who know how to bring people to follow them without force or intimidation. Ghandi and Mother Theresa use quite means: prayer and peace. Kennedy did it with powerful words that inspire. General Richard Winters did it with strategy and great example.

There is a big difference between a manager and a leader. I got this from research:

A manager deals with status-quo; a leader deals with change.
A manager work in the system; a leader works on the system.
A manager reacts;  a leader creates opportunities.
A manager controls risk;  a leader seeks opportunities.
A manager enforces organizational rules;  a leader changes organizational rules.
A manager seek and the follow direction;  a leader provides a vision to believe in and strategic alignment.
A manager control people by pushing them in the right direction; a leader motivates people by satisfying basic human needs.
A manager coordinates effort; a leader inspires achievement and energizes people.
A manager provides instructions;  a leader coaches followers, create self-leaders and empowers them.

That's why people have very little respect for managers and have high regard for leaders. Me, I want to follow great leaders. With the rest, I just have to grudgingly obey. LOL.

The human circle

2011-06-20T09:12:00.000+08:00

So I had an overload of Rizal info yesterday. I kinda like the dirt they throw in about the heroes though. Juan Luna killing his wife and mother-in-law. Rizal dating two chicks at the same time. Every hero has his weakness. And every hero is just human. Makes them real that way and not some unreachable icon. Which also means everybody else can be a hero because everyone else is human. Right?

Anyways, a brief update. My new nephew has been welcomed to the Christian world - which decides the kind of God he will have to learn in his lifetime. I'm good with that. I kinda like my God - wait, I love my Christian God. It's just the practice which confuses me sometimes. I'm a sinner. I feel relief just admitting that because it means I could still do something about it. I wonder about people described as "Banal na Tao, Santong Kabayo". If they think they're saved, then where do they go from there?

My other nephew, the grown up one who just moved to Manila to work just received his paycheck. And he enjoys his work and he likes where he is now. Kinda makes you feel fulfilled to have contributed to something that feels right. I've also been told that he has took up body building and has become a gay-magnet. He had elevator proposals twice already. I'm not really worried about how he handles himself. He's very polite about turning people down - but I do wish he could be just straight up blunt like his mom and Titas are. "We don't like you! Deal with it!" And being the street-smart kid we raised him to be, he remedies the situation by bringing his female cousin along on places where his magnet is strongest - to discourage any indecent proposals. I say that boy is an improvement to the race.

Our baby boy is currently visiting his grandmother. So all is quiet in the house. That is why I'm taking the opportunity to clean up my stuff before the boy gets home and messes it all up again. I miss him though. He has learned to kiss, hug, dance in such a short period of time. Pretty soon, he'll be saying, "I wuv you" and reciting his ABCs.

I live for moments like this. :)

Hidden savings

2011-06-15T21:35:00.000+08:00

I'm going broke. Encountered some unexpected expenses and I'm still waiting to be paid for some projects. I knew that I will eventually have to break the bank - my piggy bank. The good news is I no longer need to slaughter a pig since my pigs Violet and Dodo have nine lives or maybe more :)

So I was sadly contemplating on prying them open when I dug in my pockets and found 400 bucks on my newly laundered shorts. So now, I have money to give Dorsy to go buy fish and meat. Otherwise she would've gone to market with a bunch of ten peso coins on her pocket. Relief. At least I know I can still survive for another week until the money comes in.

Currently in the mood for canned goods. Here are some I want to purchase and give to my nemesis. :D They are real. People actually sell them although now I can't remember where I found them. I do want to see what's inside though. Mortal Terror scares me but I think I can handle the Colly Wobbles and the Heebie-Jeebies. I love the labels. Maybe I can find them in Diagon Alley.

Off I go. Just finished working. Going to watch Pinoy Biggest Loser, then maybe a few episodes of Criminal Minds then I'm off to bed.

I watched the movie Hanna - a disturbing movie about raising an assassin. I love Saoirsee Ronan's acting and I love the cinematography. I like the symbols hidden in the movie and I like Cate Blanchett. Must watch movie.

And also the movie Something Borrowed - a romantic comedy starring Ginnifer Goodwin, Kate Hudson, John Krasinski and the hunky Collin Egglesfield. Sweet. I always root for the underdog. Must watch too!

Okay, off to watch tv. Good night world.

33 Ways to Stay Creative

2011-06-14T21:57:00.001+08:00

From twitter = D

I try to do all of the above. I have problems with 22, 29, 31 and sometimes, 33. But I get by.

Ka-tweak!

2011-06-12T13:25:00.000+08:00

What's up? Not much.

It's a Sunday and I just finished doing a catalog layout - and as usual, I want to tweak everything all over again. But I'm trying to curb the impulse by blogging. First, it would be costly for the client because I'm being paid by the hour. Second, I know I will never be satisfied.

Don't feel like going through the vacation pics right now and selecting which ones to post. I think I had good ones on my facebook already so there's really very little to add. But I will get to that soon because I want my vacation pics where I can easily find them.

I finished watching Community Season 2. And I can go through Hawaii-5-O but ummmmm ... don't really feel like it like now. I miss my daily dose of CSI and Criminal Minds. But they can wait.

Oh, we have new neighbors. The house next door have been empty for a long time. The Chinese renters left after the mother died. They were not a friendly bunch so never really got to know them. The wall between the two garages is separated by cyclone wire so we could see who goes in and out of the house and they could see my Dad's underwear when he choose to hang his laundry in the garage. A lot of people have been interested in buying/ renting that house because we are such good neighbors (nyahaha). Well, not really. We live in a very nice neighborhood. It's near a hospital, various pharmacies, a supermarket, a school, a park, a basketball court, a soccer field and a Catholic Chapel. Anyway, movers began carrying stuff inside since yesterday. I didn't know the difference between who was moving in and who was just helping out in the moving in and I'm not the type to stare and go greet the neighbors. An opportune time will come soon enough. The good news is they listen to Queen. I can hear it from my bedroom. I like people who can belt out the Bohemian Rhapsody with the wrong lyrics Like me. LOL. I think that's a good sign.

Did I tell you that our baby is now walking about? HE IS SOOOO DARN CUTE! We bought him shoes that makes squeaking sounds so we will know where he is at all times. We bought electric outlet guards because he likes to touch things and throw them. We turned Paolo's room into a storehouse of things that the baby cannot touch or play with like large bicycles, a huge gym ball and my computer chair (he drives it around the house like a truck - and crashes with it when he looses his balance). We taught him to bounce and shout like a banshee. He has a good set of teeth which he puts to good use on skin, leather chairs, wood paint and anything he can insert his mouth into. He's adorable. It helps that I can return him to his mom when I get tired of baby sitting LOL.

So that's about it. I'm going to get some rest now. Or else I will start tweaking that layout again.

Hi world

2011-06-09T20:32:00.001+08:00

I have plenty to say but I'm too busy. So here's a short note to tell you that I'm back from my vacation (pics to follow) and moving through my daily routine, pffft during the day and awake with design thoughts at night. I also wanted to tell you that I'm currently hooked at watching The Biggest Loser on TV and disturbed by all my weight gain (although I did lose a few during those long walks in Hong Kong and Macau). Anyway, I have lots to say. But I have to work tonight - nice project that involves playing - my favorite pastime. :)

Talk to you soon.

Pride and Free will

2011-05-17T09:07:00.000+08:00

When something is eating me, I would know. One sign is not being to solve a single puzzle of four suit spider solitaire in five tries. Another would be not being able to sit still to fix a problem in my pc or read a book. And the last would be escaping through movies or babies :) I've been doing both lately. I know I desperately need a break - just to keep my sanity - but it can't seem to come soon enough. There are days when I just want the earth to open up and eat me alive. But thinking back, if that ever is a possibility, I don't think I will ever say that last statement. LOL. No matter how depressed I am, I have to say I do want to live and see more of the world. But then again, there are days when you think you've seen enough and just want to - I don't know - puke?

I have to admit, I bore easily. I can't stand not doing anything. And more than that, I can't stand not being inspired. It's like I'm semi-bi-polar. My highs and lows are so high and so low. Sigh. Nanay said there will be days like these. It just seems like I'm having too many of it and I'm counting the days until I blow up.

Okay, enough of my gloomy disposition. I have a baby in the house. That is reason enough to get up everyday.

On another note, I've been reading a lot about pride. There's this logo designer I've been following, David. I love his designs and I love his thoughts. A few days ago, he wrote Tell Your Story. "No one sets you apart - It's you". I copied that on my notebook. I think it's inspiring to own up to your creativeness, your uniqueness, your identity as a person. And I also think it's daunting to own up to the responsibility of your creations, your decisions, your identity as a person. I always tell my kids (meaning all nephews and nieces willing to listen) to be proud of what they have done no matter how small it may be. I like people to take pride in their work and say that they have contributed a tiny part of themselves to the world to make it a better place. Some Christians think pride is the work of the devil - I think they are wrong. Everything has to be in moderation. Too much of everything IS the work of the devil. Or more importantly - work of our own decisions.

The movie Adjustment Bureau (stars Matt Damon and Emily Blunt) talks explores the idea of free will. Everyday we are faced by options. Do we really want things decided for us? Do we really want to be manipulated into thinking we did make the choice ourselves and not swayed by invisible forces? I think I celebrate free will. I also detest it and wish someone take responsibilities for the path I found myself in. But we are products of the choices we make - (parang Coke commercial?)

And since I'm talking about movies, I recommend Reign of the Assassins (Jianyu). I'm not even sure what language it is in since it has a multi-lingual cast: Jung Woo Sung (Korean, yes - I love love love him lol), Michelle Yeoh (Malaysian, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon star), Barbie Hsu (Taiwanese, Meteor Garden), Shawn Yue (Hong Kong). I love the plot. I love the actors. And I love the symbolism of Wisdom (oooohhh) :) - it helps that he's good-looking too. Here, a leader decides who and what they do, until someone else decides who she is. I love this movie. I've watched it twice. I'm captivated by the flying and sword fighting. And the romance - well, I've always been a sucker for very unusual love stories. This one - sigh - is a must watch.

And one last movie before I go back to being boring, Gnomeo and Juliet, an animated film of the Shakespearean tragedy - but different. It contains voices of James McAvoy (Yup, I love him too), Emily Blunt, Michael Caine, Ozzy Osbourne, Dolly Parton among others. Here fate is decided by color - blue and red. Until two people decided they don't care if they're pink coz they're in-love. Another atypical romance. Funny jokes. Great 3D animation. Lovely characters.

Ah shit. Now I want to live in the movies I watch. I think I've hit bottom. LOL.

Real

2011-05-09T00:02:00.004+08:00

My nephew who was born and raised here with us will be leaving for Manila today. He's all grown up now and ready to conquer the world. And even though he has doubts about himself, probably scared to death too although he wouldn't admit it; he's street-smart and I know he will do well. I miss him already and he hasn't even boarded a plane yet. Sigh. Who's gonna play the guitar during brown-outs? Who's going to show me goofy dances when it gets too serious? Who's the guy who will lift the 5-gallon water to the dispenser? Who's going to the store and buy the Coca-cola? :) We will miss you bud. See you soon.

I'm feeling sentimental today. I have done too much thinking this weekend. And since I had trouble with my pc and laptop, I think that's all I've been doing. It's tiring to be me. LOL.

Here's a thought. I've always thought that the true gauge of friendship is honesty. My friends all know that I'm brutally frank, and at most times I do not hold back and will not sugar-coat anything. Because of this, my mouth often gets me into trouble. But this is how I see it. I say what I think. Others may not want to hear it. Or even tell me things I don't want to hear. My real friends tell me I'm fat. Which is true. What can I say, the truth hurts. We will fight about it. We will not even talk to each other for days. But if they are my real friends, honesty will be the only thing that will keep us together. I have very few friends, and I do not need many. I just need them to be real.

I was finally able to see the episode where J.J. leaves the Criminal Minds Team. On the last part, she wrote this on her report:

Maybe it's because I look at everything as a lesson.
Or because I don't want to walk around angry.
Or maybe it's because I finally understand.
There are things we don't want to happen but have to accept.
Things we do not want to know but have to learn.
And people we can't live without but have to let go.
- Criminal Minds, Season 6, Episode 2

That pretty much sums up my weekend. Moving on.

about my day

2011-04-22T23:44:00.000+08:00

Just a short note before I go to bed.

I had a long long-distance conversation with my friend Jeff on the phone this morning. He's visiting soon with his wife and I'm looking forward to longer discussions with him. Anyway, he asked to call me Beth instead of my nickname. I don't know if it's because he finds it difficult to pronounce my nickname or because the nickname means something else in the US. LOL. Anyway, I will find out when he comes over. He promised me an explanation.

I watched several episodes of Criminal Minds. AJ is no longer with the group which saddens me. And Prentice ... sigh ... It feels like losing Grissom in CSI all over again. Maybe it should make me happy that they could never replace Hugh Laurie in House?

Oh and I've been meaning to blog about the TV series called "Community" and "The United States of Tara". DON'T MISS THEM! They're funny and very entertaining.

Also watched the Inidan film "3 Idiots". Much to learn in this movie about education and success. I give it two thumbs up. There are corny parts but the whole movie more than make up for that. I even find the cultural Indian dancing showdowns, present in all Indian movies, quite entertaining. If you get the chance, don't miss it.

What else? I saw Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher's "No Strings Attached" - another romantic comedy - nothing like You've Got Mail - but I like it. And if you have unusual taste for weird conversations, also try "How Do You Know?" which stars Reese Witherspoon, Paul Rudd, Owen Wilson and Jack Nicholson. And I have seen almost all the movies nominated in the Oscar's but I guess if you're an avid movie fan, you would've seen most of those too - so no need to list them all here.

Right now I'm just trying to decide which favorite guy to draw to practice my lineart again. I'm torn between John Mayer (those tattooes will be difficult) and Jason Mraz with the guitar. If you've read this blog long enough, you would have known that I have a thing for guys who can sing, write, play the piano or a guitar and sport a camera like a body appendage. Or maybe my annual sketch should be a girl this time? Natalie or Kiera with those killer abs?

Ok that's all for tonight. I'm off tomorrow to attend a family reunion in Ajuy and have to wake up early. Good night everyone. All Izzz Well.

Animal Farm

2011-04-21T10:32:00.000+08:00

Just finished reading Animal Farm by George Orwell yesterday. I was smiling to myself all throughout the book. Its resemblance to real life is uncanny. Sad. Sick. But True. I often wonder if this country is going in that same direction. But I still have hope in the goodness of people though. I'm not impressed with Noynoy, but at the very least, I think his heart is in the right place.

I've been telling my old boss how ironic that politics is preventing good and honest governance. And pitiful that we cannot separate one from the other. Or can we?

I cling to the hope that we can. That we have great leaders who will choose for the good of all and not a chosen few. We need more pigs like Snowball. I'm sure we have plenty of unappreciated stallions like Boxer. And visionaries like Major - only I hope they don't die early - and I hope we roast all Napoleons of the earth and lock their mouths with apples.

In the book, the initial commandments of "Animalism" have been changed to suit the privileged few. It's painful to read and more painful to see it happening in real life. While the small pickpockets rot in prisons for long periods of time, those who steal millions from the country scoot away free. As Orwell, or Eric Blair in real life wrote, "All animals are equal. But some animals are more equal than others."

Old Major had a dream. It's my dream too.

The paradox of pedigree

2011-04-17T09:49:00.000+08:00

I wanted to start a project. Having lost a lot of precious photos during the Frank flood a few years ago, I've been in the lookout for old family pics I could recover. If I find them, I try to keep a digital copy when I can in the hope that dvds will keep them safer than photo albums. Here's what I have so far:

My family drives me crazy. But they are also the one's who keeps me grounded and sane. You hate them yet you love them. You can't live with them yet you can't live without them. The paradox of pedigree. Blood is thicker ... more cardiovascular for reasons we all know very well :)

Pffffttttttttt ...

2011-04-15T22:29:00.000+08:00

I'm currently listening to the music of Ennio Morricone. I found out about him while trying to find the theme song for the movie "Love Affair" which starred Annette Bening, Warren Beatty and Katherine Hepburn. Anyway, I've been drowning myself in the wordless melody. Sometimes, solidarity with the right harmony could be the only paradise left in this world.

I should not be allowed to talk ever. I am an emotional eater. I'm also an emotional speaker. I speak what I feel and what I think. Otherwise, I will burst. But in the words of Stephen King, "The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of because words diminish your feelings - words shrink things that seem timeless when they are in your head to no more than living size when they are brought out." I should not talk. Whenever I open my mouth - my feelings shrink to nothing but just words. And words will never seem to to capture just what I have in mind. I hate myself when that happens.

But if I can't say what I have to say, I might as well put a gun in my head and pull the trigger. "God is cruel. Sometimes he makes you live." (Stephen King again). Sigh. This dark mood has to be attributed to the bad news I got. Sigh. I miss my walking buddies :) There has to peace when the music stops.

Maybe I should learn the ways of the Buddhists. I wonder what I look like with a shaved head.

I could listen to this all night long.

2011-04-09T22:23:00.000+08:00

A Song for You is a 1970 (MY YEAR!!!!) song written and originally performed by rock singer-songwriter Leon Russell on his record album titled 'Leon Russell'. A slow, pained plea for forgiveness from an estranged lover, the tune is one of Russell's best-known songs.

Leon Russell - the original artist and songwriter as he was inducted to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame last month. (With John Mayer among others :)

Ray Charles - the version I love the most

Gavin DeGraw - the cooler rock version

Ellit Yamin - the new sound version

Donny Hathaway - the version that first made it a hit in 1971

The Carpenters - the more popular but never recorded version

I've been so many places in my life and time
I've sung a lot of songs I've made some bad rhyme
I've acted out my love in stages
With ten thousand people watching
But we're alone now and I'm singing this song for you

I know your image of me is what I hope to be
I've treated you unkindly but darlin' can't you see
There's no one more important to me
Darlin' can't you please see through me
Cause we're alone now and I'm singing this song for you

You taught me precious secrets of the truth witholding nothing
You came out in front and I was hiding
But now I'm so much better and if my words don't come together
Listen to the melody cause my love is in there hiding

I love you in a place where there's no space or time
I love you for in my life you are a friend of mine
And when my life is over
Remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singing this song for you

You taught me precious secrets of the truth witholding nothing
You came out in front and I was hiding
But now I'm so much better and if my words don't come together
Listen to the melody cause my love is in there hiding

I love you in a place where there's no space or time
I love you for in my life you are a friend of mine
And when my life is over
Remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singing this song for you
We were alone and I was singing this song for you

Against the wind

2011-04-02T06:17:00.001+08:00

The President came by our office today. Yes, I meant the President of the Philippines.

On my free time (nyahaha), I work for the government in this huge building at the center of city. Now, it's quite common to have important people visiting our building all the time. I've seen a lot of politicians / celebrities come by from Cory Aquino, Manny Pacquaio to Miss Hawaiii-Philippines. So there is a large range of personalities we get to see - even celebrities I don't even know about. I even shook hands with Noynoy Aquino and Mar Roxas when they were still running for the top positions during the election campaign. But I voted for someone else - who also came to visit our building - but didn't get to shake his hands. (I'll give you a clue - he's a pilot - LOL.)

The only time I got really psyched-up to see someone up close was when Parokya ni Edgar came to visit and I did my best to get a closer look. I wanted to see Chito - genius that he is - I didn't even dare take a picture with him when I had a chance. I don't know. It just not me. If people flock to a certain magnet, I tend to turn the other way.

As I was saying, the president came to town. The ID card I designed a few months ago haven't been given out because we were waiting for the ID Band that's suppose to go with it. They were finally delivered the day before the visit when everybody was jumping everywhere getting ready. We've been told that we had to wear the ID at all times during the Presidential visit and while we are in the building premises. They distributed the ID about an hour before everyone was to go home so a bit of panic for those who didn't have IDs ensued but all ended well.

We were told that we have to get early lunches and be on the lobby to welcome the President by noon. He arrives at 1pm. So we were planning our workload so we didn't have to leave anything hanging while we were waiting downstairs.

On the day of the visit we were told to stay outside of the building on the duration of the President's visit. For security reasons, they will be limiting the number of people inside the premises so we were asked to stay outside. Sad to say I'm not that important. But I'm happy to say I don't really mind LOL.

So yes, I did stay outside - way outside. So no, I didn't get to see the President. I've seen him before - just last year when I shook his hands - so I don't think his face would change that much. I didn't want to join a shoving crowd so I let them have their fun.

I think the best part of the President's visit is when he remarked of how beautiful Ilonggo women are. LOL. What can I say - there is real truth to that.

And we start back at one

2011-03-28T05:46:00.001+08:00

Hello world. It's 4am and I woke up feeling refreshed yet feeling doomed to work on yet again another Monday morning. It's normal to feel like this on a Monday I guess, when you have to compare it to a somewhat eventful weekend.

My weekend started Friday night when we celebrated my co-worker's birthday at Pirates with videoke. I miss videoke. I don't sing as much as I did before. Having joined the choir late in my life (haha - daw ka old na gid me), I think I'm not bad. I'm not the diva that can belt out high notes but at the very least I can sing in-tune and with good timing. The nice thing about Pirates is they have an updated songbook list - like they have Colbie Caillat and Jack Johnson - people you usually don't see on videoke machine lists. They even have the Korean songs I used to listen to. So I had everything I wanted there - my Gilbeys premium, my wacky co-workers and my favorite songs. I'll make it a point to return there and sing those songs again.

On Saturday, had to wake up early to do a photoshoot - again something I haven't done for quite sometime. Using my old beat-up 6 or 7-year old point and shoot, I went to my cousin's house to take pics of her products which we will be making into a website later on. I wanted to buy a DSLR last December so badly, but decided it's really not a priority, so here I am again stuck taking pics with a very old point and shoot. But you see, I never really wanted to make a career out of photography., I wanted to concentrate on my web and graphics design more. So if given the choice between a camera and a computer upgrade - I'd probably pick the later. And besides, it's not the camera that decides the good shot - although it does help a LOT! Ok, I'm sour-graping here. I want a DSLR camera badly. Preferably a Nikon or a Canon with lenses 50mm and another 20mm-80mm. It's the only thing in my website wishlist that I haven't bought. I want it badly. So here's a shoutout to the world in general - I want a DSLR camera! Please conspire and find a way to get it to my hands. :D So there, the curse have been broadcasted and I can no longer take it back. be careful what you ask for for you just might get it. Tsk tsk tsk.

Moving on. After the photoshoot, I met my high school friend Yasmin to celebrate her birthday. She's treating me to food and movie with promise of serious talks in-between. We had lunch at Chowking - for the perfect Halo-halo which she was craving for. And we watched Snow White - a really nice and dark movie about the Big Bad wolf. Reminded me of the age-old film about a falcon and a wolf -hmmmm, what was that movie called? It starred the young Michelle Pfeiffer and a German looking guy - Rutger Hauer - that was one great film too. Anyway, my friend and I parted ways coz she had to meet her kids and I've gone off to buy techie things (a card reader and a Bluetooth dongle) and (drum roll) a glass computer table - not the one I wanted to have for years but something similar. It's huge investment for me since I don't usually buy expensive furniture for myself. But it was cheaper than the tables on the other stalls - and I went back and forth three times to make sure that's what I really wanted. The best part of the table - SPACE! I have plenty of space to layout all my shit when I'm working. So a table for my David - and it's black too.

After buying the table, I went home and assembled it for four hours. LOL. I don't think it would take a man that long to assemble a DIY table - but although I did love the process of figuring out which part goes where, I will never be quick in assembling furniture. I analyze that problem too much so it took me longer than what normal men do I guess. By evening, I was done but then I was too tired to work - although I did get some design and web work done first before heading off to bed.

On Sunday, I went to open a savings account - a real one this time, because BPI was holding a Easy Savers campaign at the Basketball court. So Dorsy and I took the baby and opened accounts for him and another one for my Dad and one for me - so I will be forced to save money instead of putting it away. I'm not much of a saver. I can be good at piggy banks but that's about the extent of what I have done it terms of savings. A savings account is actually like losing weight. It's a decision. And I've been trying to lose weight and save for as long as I can remember. So I'm starting again. I promise to put away 10% of everything I earn this year.

That done, I went home to watch The Way - a Martin Sheen movie that made me cry and wish I was Emiloio Estevez. I'd like to walk to Santiago and see the great view. Buen camino. That'll be a blast if you have at least a month to take leave from work.

I slept most of the day. And did a bit of work in the evening. This is a requirement for me when I work nights. I need to catch up on sleep during the weekend or else I'd be a zombie for the rest of the week. To end my day, I watched Edward Norton's The Illusionist - very nice. I think the perfect ending to good weekend.

So we're back at Monday - and I need to get ready for work. :)

I'm tired of being me

2011-03-24T21:08:00.002+08:00

There are days when I'd rather be someone else other than who I am and be somewhere else than where I was. There are days when I wish I had a different life - maybe an easier life - or at the very least - a life with more room to be ... well ... ME. Does that make sense?

I guess I just feel overwhelmed lately that even when I'm sitting still, my thoughts go in all different directions while my hands move to a very predictable rhythm of work and play. It's all so ... dull. I need more excitement in my life and I sometimes ask myself if ... is this it? Not far from the Darna comic I tweeted a few days ago. Sigh. I know I make my own happiness but I think I'm running out of ideas LOL.

I had another asthma attack today - my third day in a row. It's the quick changes of hot and cold temperatures that causes this and I wonder if I should be in a place that should be predictably cold all year long. But what can I do because I do love sunshine on my skin at just the right amount.

I decided to stay home today to rest up - well, because I couldn't breathe right. I - who plainly detest anything medical, finally took out my nebulizer from the box and just realized I had never used it since I bought it. It's my 2nd nebulizer, having the first one (donated by my favorite and very kind Danish DJ) drown during the Frank flood. I bought the second one to control yet again another asthma attack but never got to use it because I was drinking my meds that time. I'm not drinking meds this time but I do get puffs on my inhaler when the going gets tough. I figured I can will the asthma away and it's never a secret that I'm brainless and dim-witted when it comes to health. It didn't go away so I nebulized.

I stayed in bed and tried to sleep it off. Now, I don't normally get that many text messages. I'm not very much of a texter and my friends know this. So it was quite surprising that everybody suddenly texted me, one after the other, on that particular moment when I'm trying to catch my breath. I got twenty-five different messages from twelve different people all talking about twelve different things. And good girl that I am, I replied to all the messages while laboriously enjoying the little bit of air that entered my lungs. And the phone kept going beep beep on me. So much for peace and quiet.

At about lunchtime I got a call from a friend inviting me to lunch for a quick client-meeting. I consented, yielding to the fact that I cannot will the sickness away and I was not getting any better by staying in bed. Lunch was at a small kubo restaurant outside town - fresh air, gulay and water. I think it was air that allowed me to take in more oxygen than my little room allowed. I should go and take drives like that more often. Anyway, got home at about 3pm and slept until the sun went down. Felt better when I awoke.

This was not a wasted day after all. Though I'm again on the verge of yet another asthma attack and just realized that all my remaining Salbutamol nebules had expired last January, I'm ok to be me.

At least for a little while longer.

Yogs. DARNA! LOL. Sometimes I crack myself up. :D

Famous Objects From Classic Movies

2011-03-15T20:53:00.006+08:00

I get bored easily. And I love movies. And I'm stuck in front of the computer most days.

So put all together and discover this: famousobjectsfromclassicmovies.com - the perfect solution to boredom.

It's harder than I thought. I got 39 movies right and 36 wrong. I'm not such a movie buff as I thought I was but try it and let me know how you score :)

Confessions of deranged me

2011-03-08T19:19:00.010+08:00

This is a note written by my sister Weng for herself in Facebook. I just had to re-post it here coz I find it both alarming and comforting at the same time. LOL. Why? Because it describes me as well. That's me in every number :)

by Weng Daquilanea on Wednesday, March 9, 2011 at 11:15am

I woke up at two in the morning to the buzz of my son’s thesis group working through the night, preparing for their defense. I’ve been so tired lately. The weariness from all that running around warped my circadian rhythm and I am now such a shallow sleeper -- the click of a light switch can wake me. We’ve been busier than usual. More work has come to our hands. This Synod implementation process has taken over our entire office and I now realize that this is too colossal a task for our ridiculously shorthanded team of three. I lie awake musing over these things and this just hit me…

10 reasons why I’ve been feeling more tired than usual:
1. I am too controlling. I like to keep everything within my circle of influence because its easier to carry out tasks to my satisfaction when I know I can easily take it over
2. I want to learn. Lately, I wake up looking forward to the day with eager anticipation for something new to learn and discover. When an opportunity to do so presents itself, I willingly volunteer because I know that moment could be a chance I will never have again.
3. I have so little patience for people who lack initiative. I would rather take over than suffer through a task because someone’s ineptitude is slowing everything down.
4. I am not afraid to risk making a mistake. Because a mistake is an opportune time to get educated. Experience is unquestionably still the best teacher.
5. I am the boss of me. While I may have a boss, I know I function best if I am in charge. Admittedly I can be a bully. But just because I have a small voice doesn’t mean I have to be one.
6. I am my worst critic. I know my limits. I know my strengths, I know my weakness. I know what I can and cannot do. I do not allow self-doubt to prevent me from pushing myself further because I know if I try hard enough, with some allowance for mistakes, I will get better at it if not really really good.
7. I am resourceful. All my life I’ve had to compete with six siblings. Having six siblings will teach you sooner or later that life is all about survival of the fittest and if you can’t come up with ingenious ways to get to the chicken leg before they do, you’re going to end up with the bone.
8. I can figure it out. Whatever it is that I or other people claim they can’t do that needs to be done I’ll find a way to do it. I trust myself enough to know somewhere out there lies the answer to the problem. Rather than wait for the answer to come to me I seek it out myself. Why should I let my ignorance deter me? I have a brain after all I might as well use it.
9. I am empowered. I find greatest satisfaction in work that involves empowering others because I know what it feels like to be empowered myself. There is an immense joy that comes after you discover your inherent capacity to change the world or your shitty little life for that matter.
10. I am a moocher. I like to sit with people who can carry a decent conversation with me for at least 30 minutes and if they can keep it up longer then I know they are smarter so I don’t have to worry about entertaining them. I just sit back so they can entertain me while I pick their brain for free.

Evidences of the fact:
1. Training hog. I volunteer to stay through all the trainings even if everyone else won’t because that’s how I can get the most out of any learning exercise
2. Willing delegate. I willingly accept delegated task, even if I don’t know how it is done because I know I can just try to figure it out if there is no one else who can show me how to do it. We live in the Google age for crissake! Any information we need is just a google click away. Lack of information is just a sorry excuse to be a dud.
3. Slacker sickness. I hate to be late and have such an acute repugnance for people who are unreasonably SLOW… in every sense of the word.
4. Overempowerment. Empowerment can be intoxicating and sometimes I have to remind myself that if I can’t trust other people’s capacity and risk the ignominy of an agonizing defeat when we fail then we lose the point of empowerment.

That is all for now. I am convinced that I’m going to be burned out before I reach the age of 50. Maybe if I’m lucky I can simply self-destruct. Fifty would be good enough...

Note to my sisters: I know you see a bit of you in here... just admit it.

A working break

2011-03-05T21:48:00.000+08:00

When I got home yesterday, I felt sooooo knotted up thst all I can do is read. I had to stay away from my computer for awhile. My life revolves too much around my digital life that my real life just seem unreal - the reverse of Inception - my real vs the sureal - well, you get my drift.

So today, I decided to stay away from my pc some more and work on another project. One which requires hard labor - like cleaning and re-arranging my room. Half of the day was saving a small shelf from it's miserable state. It required a screwdriver, lots of ill fitting screws, scissors and double-sided tape. I was on all fours with reddish sore hands but I am very satisfied with my work. My room is clean - although the word "clean" is subjective in this household; and I'm typing from my newly rejuvenated work area in my room. The pc still stays outside so I can stop looking at the bed when I'm working long hours into the night. I still have a four inch pile of papers to go through to make my workplace feel like a real one but I feel accomplished - like I've just lost 35 lbs. or got paid for making 3 websites - LOL. I wish!

Anyways, I will be back to working the computer tomorrow and snubbing everybody who wants to chat that is not work related. I will be back to my normal self again soon enough folks.

A quick hi to our bunsoy who's in the hospital right now. Please, be a monkey and eat plenty of bananas. You will be an ape real soon so you need to take care of yourself.

To my BFFs, sorry for the neglect - but you know me long enough not to complain. I miss you too :)

Public Transport

2011-02-23T20:42:00.000+08:00

Finally! Some ME time. Decided not to do anything tonight. I have some projects on the side but since I'm awaiting more data, I can put them off for another day or two. Tonight I'm gonna relax a bit.

I wanted to blog about public transport or rather the thoughts that run through my head while riding public transport. You see, it's a basic luxury of mine that I ride taxis to and from work. This can be expensive but bearable when you're sharing cab fare with your sister to and from work. When the flag down rate of taxi meters increased a few weeks ago, my sister and I have been taking cabs to work but hitching a ride here and there with her co-workers from work. This week, my sister will be out of town - which leaves me with alone with the cab fare.

I promised myself to wake up early so I can ride the jeepney to work but since I've been working nights - I can't get up early. I wake up at 6:30- and panic to get to work by eight. But I have been taking jeepney rides home for two days now.

To keep these passages short and sweet, I bring a book with me. My current read is Umberto Eco's Focault's Pendulum which I have started and stopped only to start again when work becomes less demanding. I've realized that jeepney rides will be the only time I can read without work and the baby distracting me. When I get home, I usually start thinking about the projects I have to do within the week. In jeepneys. I only have to think about getting home. So I read in jeepneys and shut the world out.

The funny thing is, when I ride jeepneys, I also think about what I would blog about when I get home. Or think about past conversations with friends and family that I thought would be nice to talk about. But when I get home, I play with the baby, have dinner then go to work on websites and forget about blogging. But now that's I'm blogging, I can no longer remember the things I'm supposed to blog about.

I have a short memory.

Me thinks I'll sleep early tonight and try to get to work early by riding a jeepney.

Work - Issshhhhhhh

2011-02-11T04:15:00.000+08:00

Things turned a bit toxic when I got back from Davao. I don't mind my day job - that one is manageable - well, maybe except for the fact that I will be working today - which should have been a holiday here in Iloilo. But it can't be avoided.

For the freelance work, I am nostalgic of the days when I used to handle one website every two months. Now I'm handling three or four at the same time which is a bit hell to keep track of but I'm getting good at it. I have somewhat of a system in place which makes work faster. Still, I long for the days when I can do other things at night - like read :D

I remembered when we played Pinoy Henyo last Christmas with the kids - and they let us pick the words to guess. And my sister picked hiligaynon words like "kisame" (ceiling) and "yab-ok" (dust) and nobody could get the words. Then the kids paid back by having us guess words like "hangin" (air) - and we guessed it with time to spare. The kids didn't realized that the trick to Pinoy Henyo is deduction (going from the general to the specifics) and listening only to to one person you trust who will get you to the word you need.

The trick to getting the job done is logic: deductive reasoning - taking the general and going to specifics or vice versa or just removing the whats-not with the what -can-bes. And just listening to just one person - the client. I remember someone telling me that if you solve root of the problem first - then things will just fall into place.

I'm watching a movie with a friend tonight. I need to rest my mind or they will fry.

Tao? Hindi. Hayop? Hindi. Bagay? Hindi. Liquid? Hindi. Gas? Oo.
Aso (Smoke)? Pwede. Utot? Pwede.
Hangin! Oo!

La lang. Hehe.

Davao

2011-02-02T04:19:00.002+08:00

Davao is great and lots of fun.

Went to Eagle Park and saw Pag-asa, the 18 year old eagle who was the first of its kind to be bred and hatched in captivity.

We stayed in Hari Royale Suites which is a block away from Gaisano City and just across the street from the Sta. Ana Church where my brother got married. Next to it is a bread house for coffee and snacks and a 24-hour Calderetta eatery if you need something more substantial. A few houses away there is an affordable carinderia where we would eat breakfast or have a quick meal.

The wedding reception was held at the Grand Men Seng Hotel at the Serenade Ballroom with a winter wonderland theme. Very cool and classic.

After the wedding, we went to Matina Town Square (MTS) and tried the durian coffee (hot and cold) at Blu Gre - the Davao version of Blue Jay. The family occupied a long line of tables and laughed their heads off.

To cap the night, we headed to Jack's Ridge to see Davao City in lights, it's a mountain top restaurant and bar overlooking the city. Had drinks and was serenaded by four gentlemen with Tatay's favorite songs.

The next day, we went to Malagos Garden Resort to catch the 10:30am Bird Show. Tatay got pecked on the hand by an ostrich there but he was fine. We saw miniature horses, a whole lot of birds of course, goats, white mice and a whole lot more.

Then we had lunch before going into the Japanese Tunnel. They have a tiny prison in there if you want to try it. lol.

Then we headed for the zipline. Unfortunately it was raining when we got there so we didn't get to zip. So instead we tried the zorb ball and in pairs, we all rolled down a hill like jack and jill inside a huge rubber ball. Nasty ride but a whole lot of fun. Still reeling from the vertigo though lol.

We skipped the crocodile farm because my brother had to catch the afternoon flight to Manila, so instead we had waterball rumble. Only one of us managed to stand in the water. Makes you wonder how Jesus did it.

By the time we got back to the hotel, we didn't have enough time to buy our pasalubongs. We again talked late into the night, said our goodbyes, packed our bags for a very early flight back to Iloilo.

Would like to thank my sister-in-laws, Rhoda and her family in Davao for the warm welcome, Daisy for helping me find a dress, Vangie for my Starbucks 2011 Planner :) Also Armin, for letting me hold and unprofessionally use his Canon DSLR camera during the wedding. Thanks to Mart, for the bubble gum episode - that was hilarious, for my talented nephew, Paolo - for singing great songs that makes us proud; to all my nephews and nieces who have inherited every sarcasm and wise cracks their older counterparts are known for.

And to my family, travelling with you is like moving to a different planet :D Hopefully we could all do this again.

Ding ding ding didi-ding-ding

2011-01-26T22:40:00.022+08:00

I'm under pressure. I have had a wedding, funerals (yup more than one!), plane tickets, expenses, website projects, birthday parties, Dinagyang duties, pasalubong, payrolls, work on my mind for the last few days. That's a lot to think about. What more, I need a dress for the wedding - an issue which I had set aside because I thought I can get away with wearing a pair of formal pants to my brother's wedding; but apparently, as sister of the groom, I was told that I would look under-dressed next to my female family members who would all be donning a skirt for the occasion. I will need a dress by tomorrow.

I'm obviously not a girly girl. But I need a comfortable dress. I saw a very expensive dress at Options which actually fit - it's a bit dark for a wedding but it's blue and black so more or less near the wedding motif and more or less me. Or I could just buy a cheap dress but I haven't found anything that fit, anything I like or anything formal enough for a wedding. So here I am arguing with myself if I should buy the expensive dress. I figured it would be an investment, I would now have a wedding uniform to wear in all the weddings I'm to attend - of course I'd probably opt for a pair of formal trousers if I can get away with it but a dress is surely something every girl needs right?

I'm under pressure. Ding ding ding didi-ding-ding.

Don't Dare Me

2011-01-19T20:11:00.002+08:00

Been working nights trying to get some things done when all my projects are just coming in all at the same time. So trying to control the wave by dealing with the first few ripples first. I take breaks in-between by running after the baby who has discovered walking very fast in his walker. And he moves like a catfish. And at 8 months, he had started to bite and pull hair.

Anyway, was entertaining the kid by doing goofy dances when suddenly I started singing, "Ready to make you move, Step across the line, Touch me one more time, Don't dare me" from memory. I didn't even know who sang that song but I love that song and it was a blast from the past.

So I decided to google it and found the right lyrics and the Pointer Sisters in You Tube. What can I say, I was an 80s teenager. Life will not be complete without the Pointer Sisters.

I love this song. I love Jump for my love and the Neutron Dance. They don't make it like this anymore :) It felt so cool to dance with these songs back then. Haha.

On Committed

2011-01-16T20:58:00.000+08:00

So I've been reading Elizabeth Gilbert's book, "Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace With Marriage" all weekend. It's her follow-up to the recent hit "Eat, Pray, Love" which they made into a movie.

My friend gave it to me as a birthday present with a written note on the title page about "being committed to our addiction". My friends and I, in a recent get together has finally admitted our addictions - that we are Addicts to certain things, or certain someones. Amongst my friends, only one is married but might not be married for very long. It's timely that my friend picked this book as my 40th birthday gift. I, though still adamant about not getting married, also need to make peace with this institutional commitment which is holy matrimony.

Let me quote my personal favorite lines from the book. They are also the most obvious ones people learn but take for granted anyway. They might not mean anything to you but if read within the book, these lines will be appreciated in the paragraphs where they are at:

But for the very reason - exactly because she had chosen her spouse out of love - her marriage was more fragile than she realized. (I was not convinced about marriage at this point, and neither was Elizabeth Gilbert).

The Buddha taught all human suffering is rooted in desire. (Nyahaha! Don't we all know this!)

The Quaker teacher Parker Palmer once said of his own life that depression was a friend sent to save him from the exaggerated elevation of false euphoria that he'd been manufacturing forever. Depression pushed him back down to earth, Palmer said, back down to a level where it might finally be safe for him to walk and stand in reality. (This is something I can relate to right now so I marked it in the book).

Don't overthink this, buddy, okay? Just put one hoof in front of the other and you'll come out on the other side just fine. (I'm placing this on my desktop as a daily reminder of getting by at work).,

It is not we as individuals, then, who must bend uncomfortably around the institution of marriage; but rather, it is the institution of marriage that has to bend uncomfortably around us. (You have to read this in it's proper context to get the point but I want it here for posterity)

Rome, don't be an idiot tonight! (Haha. Great song to sing to your future spouse.)

Also, since I don't want to type the whole page here, please read the "really, really big issue of mine" - and mine too, on page 184-185. :)

Here are some more that might prove more useful to you if you are married or about to get married. I'm sorry if my quotes seems useless to you, but they are useful to me so bygones. Here's a link to a blogger who probably has even greater appreciation for the book Committed: Borrowing Wisdom. Because she wrote so many quotes from it :)

I'll be back to work tomorrow. I'm taking my quotes and making them my mantra for the week.

Changing the stars

2011-01-15T17:50:00.000+08:00

Astronomers say I'm not who I was. Tsk tsk tsk. Now what?

My birthday usually borders between Sagittarius and Capricorn. I've always identified with the goat but I also find having the traits of the Archer. Now, astronomers says I'm really an Archer. Hmmm, I should look that up. Will get back to you when I find out who I really am. LOL.

A New Years Benediction

2011-01-12T20:11:00.003+08:00

Because I feel so down and low and can't see any sun in my future, I've decided to give myself Neil Gaiman's New Year Benediction. It goes:

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.

I also wish it on everybody; with a more fervent prayer to my good friends, this year.

May we find what we are all looking for :)

Life of a Henna Tattoo

2011-01-09T19:50:00.000+08:00

Everytime I go to Boracay - which is quite often, I always wanted to get a henna tattoo but that never happens because I always ended up doing something else.

Last year. we spent the night there in Boracay. I just started reading the Stieg Larson's Millenium series - the first novel was entitled "Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" and. I thought it would be a great time to try the henna tattoo. And how convenient that there was this guy called Jeff who was just outside our cottage inking anyone who was willing to pay a hundred bucks.

I chose a small butterfly design and while Jeff was painting on my leg, he showed me his original drawings which he offered to paint for a little extra. I told him I just really wanted the butterfly.

Now, if I really wanted a tattoo it would never be a butterfly. I thought that butterflies are really the easy way out. If I were an animal. I'd be a koala or a free-spirited mare. But they don't seem to to be very popular for quick and unplanned ink art. Anyways, I liked Jeff's original artwork to allow him to add free swirls to my now stained leg which grew from a butterfly to a more elaborate painting.

Maybe I forgot that I wasn't Lizbeth Salander, and that I wasn't smart enough to think about skin testing henna since I've always used it for my hair after a re-bonding treatment. To cut the long story short, after the ink faded into my skin (it usually last two weeks) and seeped into my pores, I developed a rash in the exact same shape of my elaborate butterfly. Not only was it itchy, it was so inflamed that not even my Earth and Me Boo Boo Cream can contain it - although it relieved the itch quite a bit.. I have yet to see a dermatologist to make sure it doesn't stay permanent. But right now, I have a brown abstract and ugly tattoo on my leg that hopefully, will dissipate in time.

Ah shucks, this will not look good in the new swimsuit. LOL..

Kids, don't try this at home. Get a skin test before you get that henna tattoo.

And try to remember that you're not the superhuman heroine in the books that you read. You're just the girl with the blotched up henna tattoo. LOL..

Early Bird

2011-01-03T04:37:00.000+08:00

A quick post. It's four-thirty in the morning. Too early to get up. Too late to go back to sleep.

Trying to pass the time checking out twitter and blogs. I feel I'm sooo not ready for 2011. Just had so much fun these past few days that I haven't touched my computer as often as I thought I would. Which I think is a good sign that I will not overwork myself to death this year. Or at least I hope not. January already holds promise of new jobs. I also have a wedding to go to at the end of the month - not mine! So will have a short vacation to look forward to.

Anyway, Happy New year Folks! And hope that this year will have less angst than last year - hahaha.

Best Gift Ever in the Big Four-Oh!

2010-12-27T08:27:00.000+08:00

My nephew, Paolo bought me a backpack for Christmas. It's big enough to carry my laptop, my notebooks, books and all the IT gear I tend to lug around. :) I knew there was something special about that kid.

Anyway, sorry I didn't get to post any proverbial account of my four-oh birthday. Rest assured I had a great time. They scheduled the office party on that day so I went there after spending time with the current man in my life - LOL - the guy on the right. Won a cellphone during the raffle while feasting on my favorite poison - Gilbey's Premium. Birthdays and Christmas Parties are the best excuse to get drunk at work. After the party, my friends and I went to Bourbon and had margaritas and did hand dances to unheard music. Then we went somewhere that involved peeing in the bushes, puking and a flat tire. Those I will keep between me and co-workers to laugh about in the years to come. But heck, I enjoyed myself.

So my life begins ...

Merry Christmas Everybody. :)

Gush!

2010-12-12T19:14:00.000+08:00

My two favorite people in one place, one time, one picture. How about that! :D

awake

2010-12-06T05:17:00.000+08:00

Been awake since twelve midnight. I think I just ruined my natural wake-up call.

I was working all afternoon and decided to sleep early. Since my biological clock just seem to need 5-6 hours of sleep, I woke up past midnight and can't get back to sleep. So now I'm just waiting for the sun and for my phone to to signal me off the bed.

It's Monday and I feel like I have to drag myself to work. I love what I do but for days now, it feels like I'm doing nothing for nothing. Nothing at the day job inspires me, no exciting project on the horizon and no meaningful tasks to look forward too.

Good thing that I have friends at worknwho is always ready for a good chat.

There are days when I wish I could just stay home and curl up with a book. This is one of them. Finished Stieg Larrson's "The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo" (the first book in the Millennium trilogy). Last week I read the "The Girl who Played with Fire" (the second book of the trilogy) and fell in-love with Lisbeth Salander, the computer hacker who solves crimes as a researcher for a security agency. I'm now waiting for book three: "The Girl who kicked the Hornet's Nest"which I guess would end the Lisbeth Salander and Mikael Blomkvist saga. The author had a plot for ten books but due to his untimely demise (yeah, I know, read too many spy thrillers), he got to write only three. I have a feeling I'm going to hate book three because there would be more intended for book four.

Stieg Larsson is a Sweddish author who died at 50 in 2004, of a heart attack. The story is sometimes quite violent but I like how he makes unexpected twists and turns of the plot. It never turns up like you expected ... almost like Korean movies. LOL. And I just love this Salander girl with her tattoos and her powerbooks and her boxing. I love how Larsson places secrets in his characters and the neurotic tendencies that each of them has. A must read.

Working Break

2010-11-29T06:02:00.001+08:00

Hi folks. Been pretty hectic for awhile. After the concert, things didn't really stand still like I expected it,

My younger brother arrived with the future wife and we have exciting plans for their wedding souvenir which I will be working on in the next month or so.

Then I had family dinners which are a never miss bit occasions coz I have this one big crazy family with a great sense of humor.

And then I fell in-love with a book - but that calls for another post entirely.

Then there was this trip around Panay with my Coop. We went from Iloilo, to Capiz, to Aklan with an overnight stop-over to Boracay (I have a henna tattoo to prove it), then off to Antique and back in Iloilo in 48 hours or so.

I slept the whole Sunday and woke up only to catch the Harry Potter movie.

I'm awake quite early today and my mind is filled with work and projects to do. I'm excited again, a product of separation from my computer and my workload for at least a week. I needed that.

No deep philosophies to share today. Sometimes it pays not to think at all . The trick really is knowing when not to. And planting that idea in your brain so it knows when to stop. Sort of like Inception :)

Or maybe I'm still dreaming. Hehe

Letting God

2010-11-15T05:33:00.000+08:00

I've been carrying around a lot of anger these past few months that it has consumed me. It's no wonder that I feel tired and heavy all the time. And what's worst, I think I was also responsible for feeding that anger or allowing people to add to it.

It's timely too that this Friday, we will be having a Reunion concert of the church group I so dearly love. No matter how much I question religion and its practices, I still believe in a Catholic God and I worship him in ways I feel is right to me. In the end it's all between you and you're God. So after practicing for the concert last Saturday, I realized that I can no longer carry this resentment with me. I needed to let God. Hehe. Good thing he is All Mighty right?

So after working late on a website Saturday, at 3am, I poured out all my anger in prayer. I felt I needed to cleanse myself of all my resentments. It was bloody. LOL I had a lot of reasons to be angry. But being angry gets me in more trouble now and it's making work more burdensome. So I'm letting God carry the burden for now. These things take time to heal but I will battle hate this week. I cannot forgive yet. That will take awhile. With all that had transpired, it may even take years. But I will try to be less vindictive. And I will be more patient with this person and with myself. God cannot make miracles overnight.

I feel so blest with friends and more blest with family. I have everything I need. I think I'm surrounded with a lot of goodness and goodness begets goodness. I shouldn't let negativity take the best of me.

For now, all I can do is avoid negativity. I cannot promise to be silent when I think something is wrong. But I will stretch my patience longer. And I will try not to let my anger rule me. I will let God.

The kids will be singing this song in the concert. It's my mantra for the week: LOL.

I know I sound boring when I get all prayerful LOL. Maybe we just need to rest from all the profanities for now. ; ) Profanity will not help my dancing -haha.

Waves of hate

2010-11-13T00:58:00.001+08:00

It's been awhile. Everything just feels off-tangent these days that I couldn't find the time nor inspiration to write anything.

Today, I encoded data for ten straight hours without eating anything. I know I didn't have to do it but I was compelled to. Anger is a strong motivator albeit a dangerous one. I realized now how much I could do with that much focus.

I wish the circumstances or at least my motive was more honorable? No, that's not it. I wish there was less resentment but the events that has transpired during the week had made me emotional and rage was inevitable.

So I forced myself to sit there and type with just one goal in mind: the quicker I get the job done, the more distance I give between me and a certain person. That reward to me drove me hard enough not to stop or think about anything else but achieving it. It also helped that I was moved not to rest when I hear her voice.

I was in rage. All I could see was red. When it manifested itself Thursday evening, I cried out of sheer frustration that I CANNOT, WILL NOT, WANT NOT to be like her. I hate that she's spreading lies and rumors about me. I detest that we can see her hidden motives and others cannot. I hate that when she spreads these lies, we are not there to defend ourselves. I hate that she's making up stories about my friends and manipulates people to get sympathy but most of all, I hate that I hate.

Hating her has become an obsession. The sound of her voice irritates me. Her mere presence makes me want to smack her. I need to put as much distance between us as fast as possible. It's not healthy. And having this much hate does not make me happy.

How can I let this go if I know she's going to keep hurting me like this? How can I stop hating?

The Difference Between Then and Now

2010-10-27T05:57:00.000+08:00

The Greeks have two words for time. The first is "chronos", which refers to the chronological time or sequential time - the time which passes our watches when we look into it. It's also the time when we look on our calendars and see Monday through Sunday.

The second is "kairos", which is the time in between - a time of indefinite period in which something special happens. I think our teachers back in the church days called it "the opportune time" - the right time for something to happen, the God-given time.

While chronos describes quantity of time, kairos refers to the quality of how time is spent.

I'm mentioning this because people around me wonder why I changed. Why what worked ten years ago may not work the same way today. Why I, who never complained ten years ago, suddenly became fierce at this point in my life.

I used to be meek and peaceful. Most of the time, I still am. But I am at this point in my life where I'd like to be able to say: I learned something in the last ten years. And the things I learned had taught me what works for me and the people around me and what does not. It has also taught me that I can change things and that in my own small capacity, I can effect change for the better - for others and for myself.

Yes, I've become more talkative than before - maybe because I know more than before. I have formed more opinions. I now know what I like and what I don't like. I know who I love and who I hate. If I happen to say it out loud now, it just means: (1) I no longer want to keep my silence, and (2) that I now know what I believe and (3) that it's time for me to say it.

E.C. White describes kairos as "a passing instant when an opening appears which must be driven through with force if success is to be achieved".

I no longer want to be meek, quiet and pretend I know nothing. I don't know everything. But I know enough. I no longer want to wait for change if I know change is inevitable. I just want to be heard.

It's kairos. It's time.

Too early

2010-10-17T06:23:00.000+08:00

It's too early to get up on a Sunday morning. I can hear baduy 80's music blasting from somewhere. A more muffled Christian music is playing from my sister's room. She's organizing a Fund-raising concert and sleeps with that music day and night. And Binoy is screaming like Freddie Mercury - probably from the medicines he has to take for his cold. That baby doesn't like the sight of a medicine dropper and belts his way to Kingdom come.

I'm on my bed typing this. For the life of me, I can't bring myself to get up even to pee. Good thing that I slept with Atticus (that's the laptop's name) beside me and I have a very thick blanket around me.

A mental checklist of things I have to do flashed before me. Let's see. I have a website mock-up to finish, a concert logo to design (my sister's project), two tarp layouts for the YE event, a birthday caricature for a friend - if she emailed those pics, and a campaign poster for a friend for the Barangay elections. All that in a day. Phew! Just thinking about it tires me.

It's cold -er. I have my curtains drawn and the fan off but I still feel cold.

My friends came by last night and again invited me to go to mass today. The bell is not tolling yet. But I don't know. I still don't feel like it. I don't think a priest's sermon will rouse me enough to do good today. I need a more deeper inspiration. I think I need Freddie Mercury. Or maybe a bit of classical music. It will take more than Sunday mass to get me out of bed in this cold.

By the way, I just killed two mice with two separate mousetraps last night. You know, those white gel-like traps where the mouse sticks to and cannot move. Have to buy more of those. I'm running out of names to call those rodents invading my peace.

My nephew's room got flooded again last night too. When rain started getting stronger - maybe the typhoon passing - the roof in that side of the room burst and created a waterfall. Flooded the dining room and my nephew's bedroom. Sigh. I really need a new house. I need to win the lotto. I need to buy a ticket to win the lotto.

But alas, I cannot bring myself to get up today. Too early on a cold -er Sunday.

But wait, I have to pee now.

I Pray For You

2010-10-08T08:46:00.000+08:00

My sisters and I are all single. Maybe for good reason. You will need to ask our ex-es for references LOL. Our friends sometimes call us the Wicked Witches - not because we are wicked just to be wicked. But we can be really hateful to people who have done us wrong. We tend to say what we think for starters, and can be very harsh with words. Or sometimes we can just be very quite - too quite to the point that the other person becomes dead to us that we can no longer hear them. I think being brutally frank is the best weapon against a clueless boyfriend. We hate being nice when we are hurting. We don't think it's healthy.

It's normal to be bitter after a break-up. I keep telling my friends that they can never be kind to partners who did something terrible to them and took advantage of their being "too nice". Sometimes you need to be evil to be kind ;)

So we were teaching this particular friend how to be evil, because she has a good heart - sometimes too good for her own good, if you know what I mean. Anyway, we might have gone a little bit too far with Evil 101. She's now singing this song. LOL.

Or maybe we have just prepared her for someone much much better for her?

Bygones to the partner. As they say, all is fair in love and war. Haha.

Years Fly

2010-09-27T10:51:00.001+08:00

The CROSS Tambourine Dancers way back ... 1997? I'm on the back row, third from right.

A friend of mine asked me to dance again for a concert. Now before you raise that eyebrow, let me just tell you that I'm not much of a dancer - but I can dance. I have rhythm and in my time, was part of a group who volunteer themselves to dance in public - hehe. And some people surprisingly think I can dance. It's one of my childhood frustrations - to be a ballerina, like my friends Emily and Sheila - minus the sores on their feet from wearing toe shoes. But no, I guess my purpose in this life is to work in front of a computer and not in front of an audience.

When I was active in my church group, I used to teach the tambourine dance to younger teens. It was a form of worship and prayer, and I like that I can do that through movement. Of course, I was about twenty pounds lighter then but I loved doing it.

So, fifteen years later, a friend asked me to do the same thing again, with a group, for a fund-raising next week. I said no. I couldn't imagine myself dancing. I feel fat, and too old to do those things again. Plus I was busier than ever - with three website design jobs and a waitlist, plus my day job - I didn't think I can teach, much more make time for practice. So NO, I can't do it.

Now, my BFF called me, she's a dancer too, and said that she said yes when asked because she was given the impression that I said yes. And she tried bribing me with cake and baked lasagna so that I would change my mind and go dance with her. Looking at my schedule, I was convinced that there is just no way I was doing it. I said I was not making any promises but that I will show up to help in whatever way I can.

You know how sometimes you get signs about things that pushes you to do things you do not want to do? The world conspiring - and all that shit?! LOL. Well, I saw Jennifer Grey (from the Dirty Dancing flick) doing a number in the show Dancing With The Stars. She's 50 years old. And she was as graceful and terrific, moving like she did 27 years ago. And the next day, Lisa Macuja decided to dance in ASAP - and I know she's much much older than me. Sigh. Made me think.

So I showed up for practice yesterday. They gave me a tambourine with the usual ribbons. My bribe - chocolate cake and baked lasagna - were pre-heating in the oven. And when they played the music, everything just came right back. Yup, I'm turning 40 and I can still dance. :) Serves me right to start thinking I'm too old to do anything at 40.

Now, because I still have a busy full schedule within the week, I will have two more practices before the performance (we used to have everyday practices for a month!) and then dance on Saturday with six other dancers. My only problem is buying the ballet shoes, and fitting in my dress LOL.

But I'm thinking again. And I'm having dangerous thoughts involving a bat. I blame my BFF. Jennifer Grey and Lisa Macuja. And I go back to feeling old again. LOL. Sigh. It's a cycle. I might need a new batch of chocolate cake and lasagna. :D

Nothing

2010-09-20T21:13:00.000+08:00

In honor of Toto Mel and Ma'am Elvira Tabobo, my junior year high school english teacher:

I have nothing to write :) wehehehe.

he has though: Nothing to Say

Email Scam Spam

2010-09-13T21:17:00.000+08:00

I'm sure you've received bogus email from people spamming your inbox asking for money in an emergency, or that you won in a lottery, or by some miracle, you inherited an insane amount of cash from someone you've never met.

The letter below was sent to a Photoshop E-group of which I'm a member. It goes:

How are you doing and how is everything. I like to inform you that I came for a program here in London but I am having a terrible expirience here, I was robbed off my small bag containing my cash and my credit card in a taxi when I was returning to my hotel room, My stay here was extended due to some important meetings i needed to attend. At this time am totally out of cash and I need to pay my bills at the Hotel and also procure some important paper work for the program I came for. I have contacted my bank for funds transfer, but they said nothing can be done because i will need to sign some papers before funds can be transferred to me here.

Please I need you to lend me the sum of $2,800, till I return home, I will need you send it to me via Western Union Money Transfer or money gram with this information. Name: Ramon Aguilar, Address:- Mollard Hotel, Milton , Wokingham , RG41 5QG London , UK .

I am sorry for any incoviniencies this may cause you, I promise to make refunds to you as soon as i return. I have my hope on you please don't let me down, send me the informtaion from western union after sending it.

I am waiting to hear from you,

Kind regards
Ramon Aguilar

And here's the reply he got from one of the members:

Dear Ramon,
What a coincidence! I just happen to be in London on the same conference and staying in the same Hotel Mollard as you........ Not only will I be happy to loan you the $2,800.00 you ask for, but I will also advance you a further $10,000.00 in cash as I wish you to also enjoy a few extra days in the U.K. on holiday as my personal guest! To collect the $12,800.00 in CASH, meet me in the mens toilet of the basement parking lot under the Hotel. Be there at precisely 20 minutes past midnight tomarrow...... I will await you in the 3rd cubicle from the end. Come alone, as I am a bit shy, but assure you that I am an honest fellow and will have the cash waiting your arrival.

Thank you so very much for spamming the PhotoShop Techniques user group, as I would not have been able to offer you my hospitality without your request. REMEMBER, come alone and bring a large bag to carry the CASH I promise I will have awaiting you..................
Can't wait to see the look on your face when we finally get to meet, face to face..............
In all honesty and trust, I remain,
Curt H.

And a courteous response from yet another member:

That is very nice of you Curt. I couldn't find a local Western Union to transfer the money. Please give my regards to Ramon, when you see him by the third stall of the downstairs bathroom. I had thought of going to that conference as well, but didn't get signed up in time.
Andrea

Hehe. Nice to have caring and helpful people in this group :)

The Litany

2010-09-12T07:32:00.000+08:00

By Billy Collins

You are the bread and the knife,
the crystal goblet and the wine.
You are the dew on the morning grass
and the burning wheel of the sun.
You are the white apron of the baker,
and the marsh birds suddenly in flight.

However, you are not the wind in the orchard,
the plums on the counter,
or the house of cards.
And you are certainly not the pine-scented air.
There is just no way that you are the pine-scented air.

It is possible that you are the fish under the bridge,
maybe even the pigeon on the general's head,
but you are not even close
to being the field of cornflowers at dusk.

And a quick look in the mirror will show
that you are neither the boots in the corner
nor the boat asleep in its boathouse.

It might interest you to know,
speaking of the plentiful imagery of the world,
that I am the sound of rain on the roof.

I also happen to be the shooting star,
the evening paper blowing down an alley
and the basket of chestnuts on the kitchen table.

I am also the moon in the trees
and the blind woman's tea cup.
But don't worry, I'm not the bread and the knife.
You are still the bread and the knife.
You will always be the bread and the knife,
not to mention the crystal goblet and--somehow--the wine.
---------------

I saw this poem being recited by a small child in the Butterfinger website. I loved it and just had to share it. I also would like to be the "evening paper blowing down an alley". Don't really know why. I just do. Haha.

Sunday today. I need to do overtime work at the office. And I need to work on a website. I don't know what to prioritize but I need to do both. I wish I was the bread and the knife and not the house of cards :)

devour, deliberate, devote

2010-09-04T08:34:00.000+08:00

I've been reading - or rather listening to the audio book "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. I started it right after a friend's bbbbbbbreak-up. Which goes to say I gave too many unwanted advice, narrated too many learned lessons and experiences before the book. So I found the book quite interesting because evrything I've been telling my friends about God, soulmates, religion, approach to life and depression were echoed in the book. And I said to myself, "Oh goodie! Someone actually agrees with me!" So I recommend reading it to women ... or men ... in their mid-life who thinks they have seen too many bads,and have taken too much effort to look for the goods. It would be the journal I would write if I was as good a writer as Elizabeth Gilbert. And I didn't even have to go to Italy, India or Indonesia to learn those truths. They unfolded themselves in every experience and learned from everyone I meet.

There's that noteworthy part of the book about Liz crying in the bathroom while the husband is asleep. I went through that, only on top of my bed (er, no husband), in the middle of the night, fetal position weeping. And I heard the same words, "Go back to bed" - only in Hiligaynon - from deep within myself. And that it was the most practical thing I could tell myself that night. And I slept exhausted but I had surrendered myself to whatever comes when I wake up.

And don't get me started about my thoughts on God, heaven and hell - sigh - Liz Gilbert Knows LOL because I have those same thoughts - except I'm Catholic. But I would like to embrace God in all forms of religion. And I would preach that God does love me - encompassing, unlimited, unconditional. I believe God thinks I'm precious ... and I make him laugh ... so yeah, I'm pretty special. And you are too, if you can only believe that truth.

And soulmates. Yes, about those, let me just quote from the book:

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master..."

See? Sounds like me - only written better :)

I just love people who thinks the way I do. It just confirms that I'm not the only crazy person in the world. And in our similarities in thought, we also find we are unique - the one and only :)

I should write more about this but not now. My thoughts are somewhere else, between me and someone else LOL! Geez, I wonder if God plans to drop me a David, or can I hope? - a Felipe LOL :)

Read the book sister. You'll know what I mean.

The Sweetest Thing

2010-08-17T10:00:00.000+08:00

I'm typing this in bed. While encoding data on a table last night I got red-faced and suddenly can't breathe. You know you're overworked when you get asthma attacks while sitting on a table writing. But I finished half of what I was suppose to do last night and collapse in bed when I got home. That was how tired I was. Sometimes I don't know when to quit.

So I called in sick and will be in bed rest the whole morning. If I get better today, I plan to jog at the boulevard tonight for some fresh air. I don't know if that's exactly the cure for asthma, but I do know that I feel better after a jog. I shouldn't have stopped running just because I was working my ass off. It should be a priority but alas, the workload sometimes gets the better of me.

I think the fatigue was also due to a very busy weekend. I attended one party after another. All I really wanted to do was stay home and work but duty calls. Binoy got baptized last Saturday and I was photographer slash godmother. We had a catered lunch at home and since kids were invading my PC, I stopped thinking about work altogether. I devoured Ox Tongue the whole day and nothing else. Gleca's makes a mean mushroom sauce so I just loved the tongue :) Had a fun time with the family and family friends.

So in the evening, just when things were winding down, my cousin called and invited us to dinner at Olio because her parents were home from the US. So after a short nap, we headed to Smallville again and I had the sweetest native chocolate in Smallville. After brief updates on what's happening to who and who said what, we were in pretty light spirits. so we headed to Nothing But Desserts and had figillato and tea. And I got home full and very sleepy.

Determined to get some work done, I worked all of Sunday and finished a website by nightfall. Then I watched two movies - the ATeam and Salt. Was just about to call it a day when I got an email from a client with some web updates and I decided to work on it until about 2am.

The next morning - Monday, I was useless at work LOL. I was sleepy and since I finished all my workload the week before - I had nothing much to do but watch tutorial videos online. At least I was learning despite being useless and almost comatose. I had to work after six for a project - and that was when the asthma hit like I just swallowed a black boulder and it went right in my left lung. I turned red and well, wasn't feeling dandy. I took puffs on my handy ventolin and swallowed french fries to fight the panic of not being able to breathe. I know it was not the smartest thing to do - but it calmed me a bit. Food is quickest remedy to not feeling well - except when I'm combating acid. Anyway, I finished my overtime work, got home and collapsed in bed with my clothes on.

A friend just reprimanded me that I was doing all work and not enough love life. Sigh. If only I had an option, it would be all love and no work. And I know that would end very badly too. LOL.

I need to keep my balance. I suck at it.

Age of No Reason

2010-08-13T05:53:00.000+08:00

When you're falling in love, the first thing that goes is objectivity. Next is reason. Next is common sense. And finally, self-control.

- From the Yahyah Handbook Chapter 3

I wrote that one.

Because love has no mission but to fulfill itself.

The Yahyah Handbook does not really exist. It's actually a collection of quotes from friends who had sudden astute awareness during long deep conversations or after a lonely pondering of things that are. That's why quotes like this should be documented on blogs before they disappear into thin air and before the lesson is again lost in memory.

Last night I had dinner with friends at Ramboys. It was a gathering of the broken-hearted and the recovering love addicts and love gurus. I don't exactly know which category I fall into but I was in good company.

The guys had a lot to say about love this time. They claim to have the ability to read women in courtship. They say they know when they "got them" - that we women are quite transparent when it comes to feelings. Hmmmm. I think this however does not apply to all men. Hahaha. Some are just a bit more dense than others when you say NO.

Anyway, one guy-friend said, and take note women everywhere, that if a guy likes you, he will do whatever he can to pursue you. That's the only way to know if a guy likes you. If he doesn't do anything, then he has no interest. Period. Move on. He says that women should wait and not make the first move. The word he used is "Hunter". Men are the hunters. And are we the prey? Hmmmmm. He also said that the easier women are to woo, the less respect they get from the men who woos them. Or should I say woe instead of woo? So we should give them hell during courtship. Of course, if he loses interest during his hellish experience, he would not be worthy of you. Hehe. Hmmmm.

We agreed that doing something really stupid in love does not necessarily constitute a wrong. Sometimes, we need to be stupid. If for anything else, we need to learn. But sometimes, we just need to be stupid for self-preservation, for sanity and perhaps, for just wanting to be happy. So yup, we are all for stupidity ... but we are also for the wisdom of the consequence of stupidity. So cry all you like when you do something stupid. But be assured that it was your choice so take responsibility for the stupidity and stop blaming others.

All right enough. That is the liempo speaking.

There's more about rebound relationships :) but that's meant for another Yahyah Chapter hehe.

Have to get ready for work. Thanks friends. Had a good time last night.

Uh oh, it's my birthday

2010-07-26T22:56:00.001+08:00

So I got an email last week of a job offer telling me they would pay me if I would write a novel. Nyahaha. I thought it was a joke but apparently they were not kidding. I said no - well, because a novel takes too much time to write and I'm balancing two jobs and a life. So I was hoping for smaller projects. So they asked me to write short stories - but of course my idea of short stories are the ones people write on blogs - teeheehee. I'm pondering on this opportunity a wee bit longer. I don't think I'm that good a writer but it wouldn't hurt to try. But then again, I don't want the pressure. So I'm sitting on it Ms. Editor.

Before the day ends, I would like to greet this blog Happy 6th Birthday!Yeehee!!! Woooot! Woooot!!!

I was preparing something sentimental for my blog's birthday but I couldn't get to it because it just got too toxic at work and at home.

So let's keep it simple. First, I would like to thank my writer friend in London who got me started writing and for awhile became this blog's sole purpose - LOL. Emphasis on "FOR AWHILE!" Then I would also like to remember my other writer friend in Manila who introduced me to blogging - Vaylazoo! - and now I just cannot stop. Third, I would like to thank all the bloggers I've encountered through these years that have inspired me to formulate my own opinions, ponder on my own existence, be inspired by their writing and just enjoy the chance to get a glimpse about life on every tiny planet in which they live in. And finally, I thank my very few (and I probably can count them with my hands) - and dare I call them - FANS - hahaha - for taking time to drop by and read, and leave comments. Your presence is greatly valued :)

And about that thing I planned for this blog's 6th anniversary. I decided to post links to top ten posts. My criteria for choosing them is ... I didn't have a criteria. I didn't have time to make a criteria. But these are just my favorites. Maybe because I was angst-y when I wrote them. Or maybe I felt the entire post was really really me. Or maybe it just made me laugh. And feel. And you know how I love to feel!

So here it is. My top ten posts.
1. What I Really Feel 2004
2. Morphing Into Spinsterhood 2005
3. We Finally Meet
4. My Room
5.Cruella De Butt
6. My Mondo Beyondo List
7. Proust
8. So It Is
9. Happy Birthday To Me
10. What would you do if you know you can't fail

of mice and men?

2010-07-21T04:20:00.002+08:00

While my day job keeps me alive, it is my web bootlegging that keeps me sane. But I love both so I keep both.

Nowadays I have to drag my feet every time I wake up. There's really a big difference between working inspired and passionately and just ... working. I hate not being able to use my head when I toil. I really miss working for a goal that means something to me. I need a vision - wait - I already have a vision but pity that my boss doesn't think it's worth her while. I happen to think that it's a brilliant idea - and I'm not the only one. But she doesn't so life sucks right now. I feel like a walking keyboard at work - all keys, no cpu. I hate doing nothing.

The thing is, people scurry all over the maze at my day job. Some are hiding out inside dirty holes. Others are scampering in panic looking for a bit of cheese - which is quite pathetic to look at. I don't really know which is worse - the attempt to conceal or the blatant display of attention-seeking. I think people should stay still and keep clean. Like white mice, if you're clean enough, eventually someone will give you the cheese you need. If you know your way around the maze long enough, you will also know that those who work hard will be rewarded. And in a maze, there's only one way in and one way out - you just need to figure out the right one.

Ok, so I don't really hate my day job. I do love what I do.

I just hate my boss.

I wonder if I could adopt the puss-in-boots look and ask for better cheese?

Celebrity Autobiography

2010-07-11T11:35:00.002+08:00

This is just hilarious. Look through the series. It's quite entertaining.

Eye of the Storm

2010-07-04T11:44:00.000+08:00

So it's been a quiet weekend. I'm bracing myself for a chaotic week but I also know I have to stop being lazy. I haven't touched my freelance work folder for quite some time and started working on billing old jobs that I've put off far too long. I'm putting myself back at ODesk and I'm also following up loose ends that haven't quite made it to the finish line. So it's a start - a slow one - but a start. I decided that I will try to limit my freelance workload to 3 hours weekdays and 8 hours weekends. I plan to keep my workout routine for as long as I can. I remembered how I love running - so I hope that it doesn't rain on our Boardwalk days.

I finished reading the Niffenegger books my friend gave me. I read The Time Traveller's Wife a second time and had the urge to draw a timeline for Henry and Clare - something I wanted to do when I first read it. But that means I had to draw not just two but three timelines - Henry's, Clare's and the time travelling Henry's - which would probably end up with a doodling mess on paper. Her Fearful Symmetry is slightly heavy emotionally as all books dealing with afterlife and souls and cemeteries should be. If I had to be locked up as a spirit, I wish to be in a Smithsonian - or the Louvre. Wait, I take that back. I don't think I want to be locked up at all - dead or alive. (Sings aka Nelly Furtado): "I'm like a bird, I only fly away. I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is." Yup, I want to roam free. And if I had to haunt people, I already have a short list of people to haunt (insert deep creepy laughter here). I'll start with my nemesis (Nyahahaha!)

On the lighter side of life, I have found a new gift. I seem to be very good at putting babies to sleep :) I don't know, maybe I'm soooo boring, they just shut their eyes when I start talking or singing. Or maybe they find my arms alike a comfy spa waterbed. Whichever, I can put Tyo Mike to sleep with a bit of crooning and rocking. Of course, once you put him down, he starts belting like Freddie Mercury again. But I really like having a baby in the house. It's true what my married friends say, babies take away stress just by looking clueless and dumb : ) - No, I haven't changed my mind about marriage or babies. I'm too selfish to be a wife or mom. Me likes being girlfriend and Tita until death do us part. Treat me right and I promise not to haunt you in the afterlife - Nyahahaha!

Ok, that's it. Have to go. It's Sunday and I plan to land a freelance job by next weekend before I go broke. Fingers crossed. Ah, the life of starving artists! Haha.

Pictures

2010-06-27T18:43:00.000+08:00

I'm making up for all the lost time I should've spent blogging. I have been doing it sparingly but life goes on and does not stop for anyone. I have nothing much to say but here are pics for some quick updates.

1. Baby Pic- The new guy / toy in the house.. We call him Tyo Mike. :) Born two days after the elections, he earned the nickname Binoy. Dark but cuddly in sooo many ways. Grrrr.
2. Books - gifts from baby bro! Finished the Web Design book today. Love it! Recommend it! Must read! I wish all text books were written this way. School would never be boring!
3. Pug - the green pig who made it possible for me to leave for Thailand :D. Butchered him early May I think. Sold him for 2,750 pesos LOL. Enough for the elephant ride and a bit of pasalubong - hahaha.
4. My two remaining pigs - Dodo and Violet :) Dodod currently eats ten peso coins and will take awhile to fatten up. Violet is currently on loan with my nephew Paolo.

Attention Span of a 5 yr old

2010-06-25T11:29:00.001+08:00

I was cleaning the mess in my desk this morning and found these:

A speaker once said in a seminar that doodling means your not listening or that you're bored. Then she singled me out and asked me if I was bored. I said "No" and continued doodling. I don't know if I insulted her that way because she kept calling my attention after that. LOL. I'd like to think I heard every word she said.

I think it's her job to keep me interested. If I don't hang on to her every word, maybe she just wasn't that good of a speaker. Haha - gina-justify pa! Anyways, I doodle when listening to people talk. Maybe I'm not just an undiagnosed obsessive-complusive. Maybe I'm autistic too. Hahaha.

I share this bad habit with a couple of siblings and several nieces and nephews. What can I say? Crazy runs in the family.

Quiet

2010-06-21T09:15:00.001+08:00

So everything's been quiet and slow around here. I really have nothing to report because I haven't been really doing anything particularly important. Well, a few things here and there but no long term projects for now.

The truth is I've been spending a lot of time feeling good. LOL! I've been running/jogging a lot with my friends. And I have also enrolled myself in a gym :) I don't know if I've told you that before but I'm liking it. I like feeling energized after a workout. I like sweating profusely (LOL) and inhaling huge chunks of fresh air after a sprint.

Am I losing weight? LOL! A bit. Nothing drastic since I still don't want to give up my favorite food but I do choose what I eat. I don't starve myself but I don't reward myself with food either. I am still an emotional eater. But I am losing weight. Not too much. Slow progress. But loving it. Living it. - Us Girls!

It will take me more than 2 years to get to the weight I wanted. But it's not just the goal that is to be enjoyed ... but the journey. : )

Did I tell you that I have fabulously great, supportive and encouraging friends? I do :D

What I like about Bangkok

2010-06-03T23:12:00.000+08:00

It's colorful.

It's creative.

Size matters.

Detail does too.

It's modern.

It's old.

It's quite and meditative ...

But fun and noisy at the same time.

Ahhhhh This is what I needed!

2010-05-31T19:42:00.000+08:00

If you're good, I believe God will grant your prayers. If you are extra good, he will give you what you need. I love my vacation. I'm having fun. I'm losing weight - although that hasn't been confirmed yet. And I love love love the people I'm with. I promise I will make it a priority to save up for vacations like these. Next time, I wish the whole family would go together. What a blast that would be.

Will post pics soon. For now, I just want the world to know what a great idea this was despite the possibility of a protest, the untimeliness of the situation and the lack of funds.

Stop Trying So Hard

2010-05-18T14:20:00.001+08:00

There will be bad hair days and just really bad days.

Yesterday, on the way home, I took the wrong jeepney. Then after realizing this and how late I was, I got into a cab that couldn't take me home because the driver needed to pick up another passenger. So he got me into another cab who had to drop off another passenger at SM City before he could drive me home. So finally got home late and started to change gear for my boardwalk run. I called my friend that I was ready and then realized that I had locked myself out of my bedroom. My keys, my money and my cellphone were inside. And I couldn't get it to open. So I borrowed money from my sister and headed off to Boardwalk. Halfway there, my sister texted my friend (since I didn't have my phone) to let me know that my Dad just sawed off my bedroom window so that he could try to open the door from the inside. Only it wouldn't open from the inside because the lock was jammed (probably because I kicked the door several times). So my Dad took his hammer and broke the doorknob from the outside. And that leaves me with an open window and a broken bedroom door.

On the bright side ... I ran 2.4 km, walked 4.8km and had fun with my friends that night even with bad hair :)
------------------

Was reading through my favorite blogs and found this note from John Mayer on his blog:

I'm living out of a duffel bag and a messenger bag. I'm taking photos and taking cabs and taking chances on restaurants that might be the equivalent of a Spagos or a Shoney's. I'm re-using socks. (once over.) I'm sweating on a treadmill. I'm taking cat naps while in motion. I'm you, only with a guitar and some songs that people can sing along to.

La lang. I'm just happy to know that he is re-using his socks once over. Haha.

Motivation

2010-05-13T14:19:00.000+08:00

Started going to the gym yesterday with my yahyah buddies. It helps to do it as a group because we all keep encouraging one another to keep up. It's much more fun to get through the routines with a bit of laughter in-between. Not attending the scheduled work-outs means you stood up your friends which we don't want to do to each other. And having Cid Lucero as bodyguard helps a lot too.

Anyway, my friend Super Mama started a trend while we were gritting our teeth through crunches yesterday which prompted me to make a motiovational list while doing all our circuit training exercises. For beginners there are 15-20 counts through each repetition with usually 3 reps for each exercise. There are about 20 exercise for the workout program so it gets harder as you go along. I thought that instead of counting the number of times we grunt our way through a leg raise or a bicep pull, we should recite motivational words to get us through a repetition. They must be recited in order because as the exercises get harder, the stronger the motivation needed. So here's my list: :)

long gown
skinny jeans
tuck-in
pantsuits
mini-skirts
pencil cuts
sleevless
halter tops
spaghetti
strapless
sarong
tube
belly-ring
see-through
backless
tangga
swimsuit
two-piece
topless
nude :)

Feel free to adapt it in your own workout. If this doesn't work, I don't know what will. Haha.

Season of Good Rain

2010-04-27T23:47:00.001+08:00

My friends know I'm a sucker for acoustic guitar music and great movies and great conversations. Combine those, add bamboos, rain and a cute cross-cultural love story - ahhhhh love it! The Director of the film was also the Director of the movie April Snow = love that one too. Anyway, reminds me of Before Sunrise and After Sunset. The actors had to switch from Korean to Chinese but the conversations were mostly English. It is better to get the movie with subs because there are words you they pronounce thats better read :) Likey very much.

This is my third Jung Woo Sung movie. The first one was devine but heart breaking called A Moment To Remember.

The second one was a re-make of The Good, the Bad and the Ugly but was called "The Good, The Bad and the Weird" of which he won an award as Best Supporting Actor. I did think he wasn't bad at all considering that he had to be compared to Charles Bronson and Dirty Harry : )

Must watch.

Bored - walk

2010-04-25T07:58:00.000+08:00

I haven't been blogging much. Sometimes I get caught up with work that I can't remember to post anything. Other times, I find myself having a very slow week with nothing to do and so end up with no topics to post. I remembering that there was a time when I forced myself to write even if I had nothing to write. It's a writing exercise that once you get started, you will soon get to a topic and it will begin a chain of thought that ends up on you blabbering yourself away to kingdom come. Which is why I'm posting today. I've been neglecting this blog far too long.

So what have I been up to? I've been walking in Boardwalk. If you live in Iloilo, you would have heard about the bike lane in Boardwalk.

It's a 1+ kilometer of concrete road alongside the Iloilo River - sort of like the sidewalk in Manila Bay. It begins perpendicular to the Marcos highway and ends on the smaller Tabucan Road. It started as a bike lane. But in the afternoons up to late into the night, it has become a hotspot for healthbuffs and hangout enthusiasts. After office hours, it gets populated with bicycles, street vendors, joggers, motorcycles at controlled speed, strollers, skateboarderss, waveboarderss, skaters, taebo and belly dancing groups right in the middle of the road. It's colorful. Not exactly an ideal place to jog if you are a serious jogger. But it's free and conveniently located right in the center of the hub. Walking distance to Smallville, UP, the real Boardwalk establishments and a short ride to SM City - the one stop shop.

My friends and I have started joining the taebo class - if schedule permits it - at sevenish or 6:30ish in the evening. To support the program, you can drop any amount in the basket they pass around to pay for the trainor and the sound system. Good business if you ask me. It's also a sight to see because people of all ages and all walks of life converge into a dance routine together. I find it enjoyable to watch. There are several older people there who memorized the routine way better than the trainor does which is funny. There are kids jumping up and down together with their moms. And there's us who just wants any excuse to dance and sweat off. My friends and I have started walking at least 3 times a week. While the guys jog, the girls walk back and forth along the road while updating ourselves with the latest gossip and talk about what's happening in our lives. The talk is just as much therapy as the exercise. So by the time we finish, we had a bit of exercise and a bit of fun for two hours.

Hmmm, the post is longer than I expected. I have to go now. Next time, I'll talk about murder - hehehe. I butchered another pig. Will tell you about that later. Or maybe tomorrow. I'm off.

Beauty

2010-04-02T00:52:00.000+08:00

I've spent the whole afternoon editing pictures of a beautiful girl to make her picture perfect. As I was doing it, I started to reflect on the body's imperfections and started to love every wrinkle in my face - LOL. I know I would like to be younger, more healthy. more fit and YES, have the body of an image model - or at least her height. But I also realize that every wrinkle in my face represents the bit of wisdom I've acquired through the years. And every scar is a token of somethings survived or a reminder of a past mistake I promised not to do again (but end up doing again anyway LOL). I'm glad this model needed a make-over. Her wrinkles, though I had to hide them, revealed what she had gone through and survived. Makes her more human that way. Makes her more like me - well, maybe a hundred pounds lighter LOL.

While doing this job, I argued with myself a lot. It goes with the territory if you're working alone freelancing. I wanted her to be beautiful. But I also wanted her to be real. A smudge can make so much difference in Photoshop. But do I really want to smudge it there? I know people like looking good. I just wonder if people ever thought that being real is so much better? I follow a lady photographer's blog, and the pictures I really like are the ones where it doesn't hide the person's flaws but it's the flaws themselves that adds beauty to the picture. That's why I really like portrait photography and like to draw people. There's a story behind every line.

Speaking of stories, had client meetings during the week. Talked to a new client, a black British businessman. I usually talk to foreign clients over email and IM or Skype. Most of the time, I just meet up with my local clients to talk of projects or make a pitch. This guy was here for business so I got to talk to him without having to type my words. Which was weird. I realized I was less nervous speaking to foreigners than I was speaking to my local clients. And I was not intimidated at all. Which was also weird because I always tell my friends that foreign clients tend to give me more stress than my local clients. Maybe because they demand so much? Not true really. Maybe I just give more pressure to myself with foreign clients than with local ones. Is it because they pay more? That's not true either. Maybe in my mind, there are more opportunities with them when it comes to service? One thing I know, this business is broadening my horizons quite a bit. And I like having a better view of the world from where I'm at.

I should blog more. But I've been busy. That's not really an excuse but can't help it. I have very little to say nowadays. Well, that's not really true. I have plenty to say. I just don't say it here quite as often as I should. I'm currently trying to give my life more balance. It's a struggle but it might result to less time with the computer and more time with reality. ; )

Fall In Love 18 Times

2010-03-21T22:30:00.000+08:00

I know I post a lot of movies, books and TV series in this blog. But when I do, it's because it's totally worth a post. Paris Je T'aime is a movie of a series of short movies from various artistic directors all different locations of Paris, France and with an impressive cast that describes Paris and love in a very entertaining and creative way. Love the scripts. All of them just ... leaves you thinking, a lot of them ironic but quite lovely. Think "Love Actually" only three times better.

The Americans made their own version with "New York I Love You ". Saw that one too and liked it too but it pales in comparison to Paris Je T'aime. This is a good way to end the weekend.

I started the weekend by watching "Lovely Bones" which was a bad idea because the power keeps going out and kept me in suspense for several hours. Just when you get to the best part, the power goes off and then had to wait until I see the rest of the movie. Because I haven't reached the redemption part of the movie, the scenes kept appearing in my dreams and I would wake up sweating and disturbed. That is why I don't watch horror movies at night. And if I do watch suspense thrillers, I have to see the villain dead or the victim avenged, otherwise - my mind won't give me peace until justice was served ... even if it was just a movie. So after a disturbing Saturday, Paris was a refreshing change.

Anyway, worked all day and rewarded myself with Paris. Perfect ending to a slow weekend.

I LOVE THIS SHIT! Je sentir vivante!

Year of the Tiger is Eye of the Tiger?

2010-03-14T09:14:00.001+08:00

It wasn't much of a day-off but I managed to stay away from the PC and just watched TV and relaxed a bit. I had another frantic month and after finishing a website, an annual and a talk with just a 3-day preparation, I finally got a day off yesterday. I spent it doing another passion of mine ... movies ... very good movies ... very disturbing but poignant movies :)

One particular movie that's been circling my mind hours after the credits were over is this Agentinian film that won Best Foreign Language Film in the Oscar's recently: The Secret in Their Eyes (El Secreto de Sus Ojos). MUST WATCH! Left quite an impression on me. One line which strikes me (translated of course to English) goes: "Men cannot change one thing about them. They can change how they look, where they live, but they cannot change their passions." The line just resonates :) I kinda like the idea that there is a bit of predictability in people. I'm not a person for surprises; although I do love the good-natured pranks once in a while. But one reason I love to make programs is because they can be predictable or solved or structured. People are not like that - in a good way. I like that humans have choices and sometimes make those choices, without thought, without plans, with just the expression of the self. Ok enough. Dalum na. Just watch the movie. Love it love it love it!

I have trouble looking people in the eye. It's a habit I formed after being shouted at by a very gay professor back in college in front of faculty - long story LOL. Traumatic experience that left me with a shattered ego and an inability to look at my superiors in the eye. It has become a habit. Just last year, I observed how a mentor would look us in the eye to get a point through. He said that you have to look people in the eye when you toast because if you don't, you will have 100 years of bad sex. LOL. I don't believe that but hey, that made me look at people in the eye when I toast. And just a few weeks ago, it was Anthony Pangilinan who taught us a trick of connecting with people - look them in the eye when you talk. Connect-shift, Connect, shift.It takes practice he said. I haven't made a conscious effort but I want to re-learn that. I want to be able to look people in the eye. Connect. I've been looking at computer monitors far too long. I don't want to live with my shattered ego hehe. I think I have managed to prove to myself that I'm not useless after all. I should add that to my To Do List. LOOK PEOPLE IN THE EYES.

To end, here's a list of Oscar movies you must must must see. I saw them and they were all good.

Avatar (best art direction, cinematography among others)
The Blind Side (Sandra Bullock, best actress in a leading role)
Coraline (nominated, animated feature film)
An Education (love it, nominated for best adapted screenplay)
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (well f=of course, nominated for cinematography)
The Hurt Locker (hot actor in a leading role - haha. Worthy of best direction Oscar)
Inglorious Basterds (worthy of best supporting actor Oscar, funny but disturbing plot, great director)
Invictus (love the story, love Nelson Mandela)
Julie and Julia (not quite impressed with the story but Meryl Streep is impressive as Julia Fairchild - she really gets it!)
The Messenger (worthy to be nominated for best original screenplay; great story)
Precious (Mo'nique is ... wow!)
The Secret in Their Eyes (Love the beard?! Hahaha! Great!)
A Serious Man (Hmmm, disturbing, don't quite get it though)
Sherlock Holmes (Best Sherlock Holmes movie ever!!!!)
Up (two thumbs up)
Up In The Air (if you can look beyond the lovely George Clooney, a lot more is to be appreciated and loved)
The White Ribbon - (disturbing. both love it and hate it)
The Young Victoria (worthy of best costume design)
Bright Star (The John Keats movie)

And here are some more non-Oscar films you also must watch:
Memento (great disturbing movie)
New York I Love You
Sin Nombre
Valentine's Day (what?! I love corny romantic flicks sometimes too)
Daybreakers (Very Hancock but with a twist)

I think I have two or three more but I can't remember the titles. I will post those later.

Oh, and if you get the chance to watch the latest episodes of House, the Office and the Criminal Minds :0 - you will forget that you need a social life too. :)

Will have events to go next week. This weekend, I intend to stay home and just chill.

This is Jim Checking In

2010-02-25T21:51:00.002+08:00

I've been busy. No, actually I've been living in an insanely chaotic frenzy. Yup, that's the best way to describe it. I feel so tired and a bout of asthma just attacked me today while I was in the middle of giving a training. I was coughing my way to kingdom come between words and drowned the cough with water to silence it. So, I hope thing will get better tomorrow. Sigh.

I wanted to blog about the books lining up in my bedside waiting for me to read but they remain untouched since December. I wanted to blog about the books my friends sent that I haven't even picked up because ... as I said, I'm in chaos.

I wanted to blog about Anthony Pangilinan (blink blink blink) whose training on Knockout Presentations I attended last Saturday and whose inputs I sooooo highly value. I wanted to tell the world how lovely and entertaining he was and how great his topics were. I wanted to blog that he will give the same talk in Kalibo this Saturday at Sampaguita Gardens and want to convince everyone in Kalibo to attend his talk because it is soooooo worth it.

I wanted to blog about my poet-friend's digital artshow and how cool it was. And that you can still catch it at the new art gallery in the Old Provincial Capitol.

I wanted to blog about the termites attacking my home and that I'm waiting for my house to fall down on my head any time now.

I wanted to kick my dad's ass - I still do - and I wanted to blog about that too, but I do love my Dad no matter how much I want to kick his ass; But GRRRRRRRR, let me just say that.

I wanted to blog about power problems we had at the office (for three weeks) and how it affected work productivity. I mean we never realized how important air-conditioning was until we lost it. And that dang heat immobolized us as effectively as a stun gun would.

I wanted to blog about how stressed I am at work because I'm the only female and the lonesome Admin Support- although I do forget that I'm female most of the time. I wanted to talk about how my best friend wanted to stop my co-workers from calling me, "Parts!" (short for partner) because it's a guy's buddy term. How I pointedly answered that I can't exactly ask them to call me "Girl!" or they would sound gayer than Dinagyang flaglettes.

I wanted to write about the wonderful movies I watched while resting on my back. To name a few: Hurt Locker, It's Complicated, An Education, Invictus, The Messenger among others.

I wanted to write about my new website project which I really like and that I'm working with two cool guys where I can say anything that comes into my head and they can roll with it and that they have the courage to disagree with me - hehe.

I wanted to bitch about the heat, and the lack of funds and the need to get more sleep. I want to bitch about not having enough time to work on my own new website design which I hope to get online by tomorrow.

I wanted to blog about ... hahaha - the highlight of my year but I will keep that one between me and my best friend :) (blink blink blink)

I've been neglecting this blog far too long and I just wanted to check in so my friends will know I'm still alive. Anyway, while thinking of a title I remembered a quote in this story in my younger years that goes:

I JUST CAME AGAIN TO TELL YOU, LORD, HOW HAPPY I'VE BEEN, SINCE WE FOUND EACH OTHER'S FRIENDSHIP AND YOU TOOK AWAY MY SIN. DON'T KNOW MUCH OF HOW TO PRAY, BUT I THINK ABOUT YOU EVERYDAY. SO, JESUS, THIS IS JIM CHECKING IN."

That's how I pray everyday.

I'm tired. But beautiful - HAHAHA! So this is me checking in. :)

Death by chocolate again

2010-02-05T10:30:00.000+08:00

There are days when being the primary bread winner in the family is so much like carrying an anvil in a backpack while trekking through ice in Antartica. I'm having one of those days. A quick death would be relief. Life is giving me a major headache right now. It shouldn't be this hard and burdensome. I shouldn't be feeling this tired. I should have more fun.

A friend of mine and I were talking about death the other day. How we are soooo ready for it. I told her that feeling like this might not be a healthy thing psychologically. It's like we have a death wish and we're daring it to happen. At this point, I really don't care. I have done things I wanted to do. My goals in life are simple. My wishes that haven't been achieved will happen when they happen. I don't want to depend my happiness on them happening because I'm not very good with disappointment. If I should die today, what happens after that will not be my problem. They can just burn my body in a big can and scatter my ashes in the front yard. I have left an unsophisticated written will somewhere in my dairy because Neil Gaiman says it's important to do so. I don't have much so there's nothing much to give away. I also have left instructions on how to deal with whatever things I may left hanging. I'm good to go. So is there's really something seriously wrong with me if I do this?

My friend and I agreed that we will both be very good this year on the premise that good people die young (smirk). We will try to be good. We will be sooo good that sana kunin na kami ni Lord. I know. It's depressing and morbid. But so was Catcher in the Rye by the late J.D. Salinger but everyone loved it.

Do I care if I go to hell or heaven? Hell, yeah! But I also believe in a forgiving God. And I haven't done anything remotely sinful since I stopped attending mass. Okay, let me rephrase that - nothing on the list of the ten commandments. Okay - that's not necessarily true either - LOL. Let's just say that with the things I've done, God will send me to where I truly deserve to be. I believe in a just God at the very least.

This depressing post is brought yo you by the movies Hurt Locker, It's Complicated, The Blind Side and Up In The Air - very good movies by the way. And by Hershey kisses too.This is something chocolate can cure. Sigh. Mom said there will be days like this.

Dinagyang Part 2

2010-01-25T19:53:00.002+08:00

I posted my Dinagyang pics on four of my social networking sites. Each site contains different pics so everyone can have a taste of the different tribes. I will post the links to the other sites as soon as I can upload all of them. All pics were taken with my six years old (?) Canon point and shoot.

Links to other Dinagyang pics posts:
Taga-Iloilo
Flickr
Deviant Art

Last Dinagyang?

2010-01-24T16:28:00.000+08:00

It's unlike me to not talk about anything under the sun for more than a week. It's also unlike me to leave my blog unattended for more than a week. But things have been kinda hectic and I'm going through battles with self-pity because I'm overworked, have not slept much and feel more stressed out than I would care to admit. So I took time to address those so I could get back to normal or some semblance of normalcy. I still need a real vacation - one that doesn't let me think of work even in my sleep. But I guess, unless I'm not in some foreign or far away place, that will ever happen. So Lord God and the universe that makes dreams come true, please grant me a vacation to Thailand this year - bwahahaha! I know I need it.

I've been helping out as part of the Dinagyang Committee in Stage 3 Judging Area for the last five years - I think.It started out by volunteering to design the tickets. Since then, I've been designing the Dinagyang and Kasadyahan tickets every year. And every year, I was allowed to help usher people to their seats, explain to difficult people that they can't sit where they're not supposed to, argue with the media on placements and tell people that the tickets in Stage three Dinagyang Area are FREE!!!!! And not for sale!!!! And that they can't complain about our stage rules because having a ticket and a chance to watch Dinagyang at Stage 3 is a privilege and not a God-given right! Hehe. Ok, sorry about that. Guarding the doors gets me into war mode - ready for battle ;)

Anyway, I'm tired from all the running around these last two days. Dinagyang ended at about 1pm today and after a very late lunch, I slept like a log. I just realized that this might be the last Dinagyang Festival I'm going to help out with. We will be changing governors this year and who knows who gets to help out in next year's Dinagyang Festival. I might not make the list next time. But bygones, I've had five years. I think that should be enough. One thing I know though, I will never get tired of taking pictures of Dinagyang. Even with just a point and shoot, I think I did well for an amateur photographer. And I did enjoy watching the dances live. Kudos to the Iloilo Dinagyang Foundation for making it to the Hall of Fame. I do think Dinagyang has improved a lot in terms of quality. Of course, there will always be criticisms about it but that can't be helped if you're in the hall of fame. It goes with the territory I guess.

I'll post the Dinagyang and Kasadyahan pics soon. Right now I just need to chill and enjoy the last few hours of the festivities before I go back to the real stress tomorrow. Decided to go out for dinner with friends and watch street dancing or if I get drunk enough, join in the dancing..

Hay, life is so peculiar. A I keep saying, be careful what you ask for because the world just might give it to you. If there is one more thing I could ask for this year, I don't want Erap to be President. :) Amen. hehe.

Mysterious Black :)

2010-01-09T20:25:00.001+08:00

There's a reason for the title. It's a secret that only women are supposed to know. I can't tell you coz men are lurking in this blog. But should you have a facebook account, watch out for emails that are for women only. If I had my way, I'd like to change it and copy my cousin's color: Barely there :D. Like that one.

Anyway, I'm taking a break from work. I will need to get back to it in a few minutes but I need to rest my back a bit. Currently listening to a piano piece by an unknown artist with an unknown title. All I know is that it's Korean and I like it and would like to learn how to play it. Now, if I could only find a piano, I would lose myself in it. For now, I'm content to playing it over and over again. It's also my wake up alarm tone - and it fails miserable because it just makes me want to go back to sleep.

Today begins a no-weekend week. I worked today and will be working with no weekends until the Dinagyang Festival. That happens annually so I'm getting really used to it. I should turn dark and not my sunny self in a few days so be aware that you might need to avoid me when you see me in the streets. Yup, despite the powers of my lovely rebonded hair - my mood will be very ... unstable. So you know.

On a lighter note, I closed my dudsonline.com financial books yesterday. The verdict: I'm doing good. Not bad for a college dropout with no business sense who works part-time on an online venture with just a website for an office . I'm re-doing my site by the way. Started during Christmas break but haven't had time to finish it. I'm going chocolate this year. Watch out for that soon.

Tradition Tradition Tradition

2010-01-01T04:54:00.000+08:00

Just sort of want to mark this date. Every beginning of anything should be marked. I just feel that this year would be significant when I look back later on. So this date is ticked and marked in red - it's the beginning of something - woohooo! Of what? I don't know yet but it will be ;)

Anyway, to recap where I've been hiding these past few days. It's really been one party after another, but surprisingly I had very little booze. I kinda like the natural flow of adrenalin by just friends and family holed up in one place. But I really kinda like just staying home and chilling. I can't seem to get enough of that for some reason. I feel that vacation is just too short.

I really have to make it a point to visit Nanay today - just to let her know that we're still alive and all = not that she wouldn't know hehe. I haven't gone to see her since November - tsk tsk tsk. And I just think we should remember our dead during the holidays too. We miss her dearly. Nobody prepares for Christmas and New Year like my mom.

I went to mass at Christmas Eve - where we had the flash mob :) before the mass began. Unfortunately I was too shy to join coz I really can't remember the dance steps. Sayang. Will make sure I join the next one though.

We had the annual Daquilanea Christmas Party on the 26th - that was a a blast. We had the traditional gift exchange with a maximum amount of P20 each. That alone is a challenge because you really can't buy anything at P20 nowadays and there is a required proof of purchase. I got a knife this year - from Passi market :) One of the kids got it and had to trade a used-bookstore-book to make sure nobody gets hurt with that knife - which I doubt can cut through anything but it might be a good letter opener in the future.

We had a year-end party at work last Tuesday. It was kinda nice. We had breakfast together at JD Roadhouse, then lunch together at Allan's in Oton. We would've had dinner together too had it not been for an upset stomach due to overeating. The guys don't let us pay so we were spoiled princesses for a day which is a bit refreshing.

I spent the last day of the year holed up in a beauty salon for 11 hours having my annual hair touch-up. It's become almost a tradition. Hair rebond every year end so I'm sporting a new look - long spiky hair. I had to cut about three inches of the mane and the salon owner wished I didn't chop it off but I'm really getting tired of all that hair. I would've done shorter but it will make my face more robust :)

I watched fireworks with friends at the plaza just before midnight and had a late lunch/dinner and early new year snack after that and headed off to bed. I heard the world turn a year older but I was too tired to get up. I woke up early just now coz of the diana - the marching band that wakes everybody up for the fiesta mass at 4 in the morning. I love traditions.

That's about it. I'm going back to bed and wishing the world new blessings this year. I hope we all get what we want this year ;) - just be careful what youa sk for - hehehe. Happy New Year!

Happy Birthday to me

2009-12-22T00:01:00.017+08:00

Warning: There is no point to this birthday post. Just random thoughts put together.

On the year I was born, the well known First Quarter Storm happened in the gates of Malacanang, where Marcos was then President; 50,000 students and laborers stormed the palace and were met with gunfire and tear gas grenades. That year, the Constitutional Convention of 1970 was called to change the existing Philippine Constitution which was made during the Commonwealth of the Philippines.

It was also the year when they held the largest rock festival of all time, The Isle of Wight Festival, that took place with 600,000 people attending; where Jimi Hendrix, The Who, the Doors and Chicago performed. Later that same year Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin died. It was the year when Simon and Garfunkel released their final album, “Bridge Over Troubled Water” and “The Long and Winding Road” became the last No. 1 song of the Beatles.

My mother’s mother also died that year. I didn’t get to meet her but I was the three month bump under my mother’s dress in the old pictures. While all of the above was happening, I wasn’t really born yet. I arrived on the last month of that year, just when everybody else was looking back at the year that was. I was born just as my new year was about to end.

I was born in the year of chaos. I don’t think that has anything to do with my personality – although it would certainly explain a lot; I do think it played some part on how I grew up or how I was brought up. Not much has changed. It is still a chaotic world. I wonder if this world has ever known peace?

The most troublesome habit formed about being born on the year that ends in zero, I tend to count my present age according to that year. Like 2009 – I will turn 39 – only to remember that I don’t turn 39 until the year ends. And I pretty much think I’m 39 the whole year instead of thinking 38 because it was 2009. Get it? Nevermind.

I turn 39 today. I’m supposed to self-destruct at the age of 38 so while writing this I’m half expecting something to happen to me, which is unlikely, but who knows. I’ve always thought my 13 year old self was quite wise for thinking of self-destruction 25 years into her future. But if that’s not going to happen, well, onward I go.

I started the above montage four years ago. I wanted to document how I age. It was quite difficult to put together because my age and the years the pics were taken jumbles up the chronology. Anyway, a friend told me that I seem to have lots to smile about all through out my life. I agree. So despite the chaos, there is … a lot of sense of humor in there LOL. How else could I have survived all these years? So cheers to all the funny people I’ve met in my life – I thank you for your wit, your craziness and your perfect timing on the punchline.

To my God who knows me better than I know myself, thank you for another year. Again, I am overwhelmingly grateful for my weird family, my ever-lasting friendships, my wise mentors, for love in all the wrong places – LOL! ... Bansai! For Peace!

Below is The Doonesbury cartoon posted December 22, 1970 in the New York times. Pretty much sums up my philosophies in life haha!

Movement ...

2009-12-20T11:31:00.000+08:00

Watched Avatar yesterday and regretted not watching it on 3D. Lovely special effects, creative character animation and exciting action. I also love the direction, how the cameras twist is angles that are - well, I don't know - just right? Haha. Anyway, it's a must see.

On a more serious note, I marvel at how stupid we decide on things especially the environment. We know so little about the world that we sometimes think we've seen it all. I know how ignorant and passive I can be. And I've been very good at making bad decisions in the past. But we learn. And I hope we will never be smart enough to stop learning. I think it's exciting - learning. There is so much to discover, so many new things to see. Ok, I'm going to stop now. I'm just saying ...

On the lighter side of life, I've been dancing again since Thursday. Remember my last post? :) We are the change we want to see in the world. Ask and the world will conspire to make your dreams come true. I know I keep repeating that but I honestly believe those words. They work. It's all about attitude. If you want it, make it happen. And it's happening - in a small scale - but it is just the beginning. The sudden changes in temperature is bringing out the worst of my asthma, but allow me to wiggle my booty and I will forget that I can't breathe. Haha. I just love that I can be able to move again. Don't feel that young anymore though. I have a couple of white hairs to prove it. When did I get so old? LOL. Still, age is mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't really matter.

Flash Mob

2009-12-09T22:00:00.004+08:00

From wikipedia: A flash mob (or flashmob) is a large group of people who assemble suddenly in a public place, perform an unusual action for a brief time, then quickly disperse. The term flash mob is generally applied only to gatherings organized via telecommunications, social media, or viral emails. The term is generally not applied to events organized by public relations firms or as publicity stunts.

Saw my first flash mob dance while watching an episode of Weeds. Love it so much, I almost broke into tears - hahaha. Then my sister said that there was a flash mob that happened again in Oprah. Posted it below. And another one at the Central Station in Belgium. Then a different one in Singapore, London, Australia. Maybe they already had one in the Philippines. If someone plans to organize one here in Iloilo, Please Please let me know! I want to be right in the middle of it. I don't want to be at the side watching.

Central Station in Antwerp, Beligium - Do Re Mi by Julie Andrews

The Oprah Show, Chicago - I Got A Feeling by the Black Eyed Peas

Advertisement by T-Mobile, Liverpool St., London, England - All Time Favorites Medley

Raffles Place (Been here!), Singapore - Medley including Nobody (Wonder Girls), You're the One That I want (Grease)

Piccadily Circus, London - All The Single Ladies by Beyonce

Mall of Asia, Philippines - Medley

Weeds Episode

On a lesser note, we did something like this before in a smaller scale. It started with a Thriller wedding entourage video in You Tube. My family decided to replicate a similar dance in my cousin's wedding. The whole family gathered for 5 nights practicing Thriller and Disco Inferno. Nobody but us knew that we were dancing. My cousin and his bride did the customary bride and groom dance, then all of a sudden the whole family (young and old) were on the dance floor dancing to Thriller/Disco Inferno in what seemed to be a spontaneous dance number. The guests were thrilled and surprised but we enjoyed it as much as they did.

I guess the best thing about it is that it looked so spontaneous and took unsuspecting onlookers by surprise. It just seems like you were at the right place at the right time - and that's always a pleasant feeling isn't it?

The Difference

2009-12-08T09:59:00.000+08:00

This was e-mailed to me this morning. It resonates.

The difference between the poor countries and the rich ones is not the age of the country: Examples are countries like India & Egypt, that are more than 2000 years old, but are poor.

On the other hand, Canada , Australia, & New Zealand, that 150 years ago were virtually unnoticed, today are developed countries, and are rich. The difference between poor & rich countries does not reside in the available natural resources.

Japan has a limited territory, 80% mountainous, inadequate for agriculture & cattle raising, but it is the second largest world economy. The country is like an immense floating factory, importing raw materials from the whole world and exporting manufactured products.

Another example is Switzerland , which does not plant cocoa but has the best chocolate in the world. In its little territory they raise animals and plant the soil during 4 months per year. Not only that, they produce dairy products of the best quality!

It is a small country that has an image of security, order & strong labor force, which made it the world's strongest, safest place.

Executives from rich countries who communicate with their counterparts in poor countries show that there is no significant intellectual difference.

Race or skin color are also not important: immigrants labeled lazy because of their countries of origin are the productive power in many richer European countries.

What is the difference then?
The difference is the attitude of the people,
influenced along the years by education, culture,
& flawed tradition.

On analyzing the behavior of the people in rich & developed countries, we find that the great majority follow the following principles in their lives:

1. Ethics as a basic principle.
2. Integrity.
3. Responsibility.
4. Respect to the laws & rules.
5. Respect to the rights of other citizens.
6. Work loving.
7. Strive for savings & investment.
8. Will of super action.
9. Punctuality.
10. and of course .... Discipline.

In poor countries, only a minority follow these basic principles in their daily life..

The Philippines is not poor because we lack natural resources or because nature was cruel to us. In fact, we are supposedly rich in natural resources.

We are poor because we lack the correct attitude. We lack the will to comply with and teach these functional principles of rich & developed societies.

If you do not forward this message
nothing will happen to you.
Your pet will not die, you will not be fired, you will not have bad luck for seven years, and also, you will not get sick or go hungry.

But those may happen because of your lack of discipline & laziness
your love for intrigue and politics,
your indifference to saving for the future,
your stubborn attitude.

Kkkccccold

2009-12-03T05:44:00.000+08:00

Woke up at 4:30am with an idea for a project and just had to write it down. Now I can't sleep. It's colder now - December - but it doesn't feel anywhere near Christmas. We have put up all the decorations and all. I wonder, as we grow older, do we lose a bit of the Christmas spirit? Maybe it really depends on the person. I'm sure there are people out there who can still be as jolly as Saint Nick during the holidays.

I was having this conversation with a friend one day. I asked her if I've become heartless by the way I judge people. She said no. And since she's a therapist by profession, I'm assured that she knows what she's talking about LOL.

Had another mini-reunion dinner with friends at Afrique's last Monday night. We started talking about kids since one of us is obviously very pregnant and blooming at that. I wasn't the only one in the group who didn't want kids but I was the only one who didn't want to adopt. Truthfully, I can't see myself with a child - my child. Does that make me a bad mother? LOL. My preggie friend tells me that those feelings can change when you do have kids. I guess that has to happen for me to find out. I sometimes think that I will eventually regret this, not getting married and settling down. But I'm living in the now and my now seems content with what is there. My nephews and nieces are inspiration enough for me. I may not have a lovelife - but I am loved. I don't need much. Just a bit of attention now and then.

Kkkkcccold? Am I?

I guess that as long as it doesn't matter to me, it doesn't really matter. or does it? I'm confused now hahaha. Better get back to sleep.

I'm Alive

2009-11-28T11:06:00.000+08:00

Looks like I'm going to survive November after all. Felt like I haven't stopped working since October. It's been one project after another - and I know this should be a good thing although I'm already tired just thinking about it - I have a waitlist for December :) I am thankful (Lord, I really am!) ... but sometimes I'm afraid for my life. LOL.

People tend to think that just because I have lots of projects also means I have lots of money. What they don't know is that since I love making designs, I also tend to say yes to a lot of probono work. And tend to say yes to all my friends (and I have lots of them!) - and relatives - although I make them wait a lot too. I can usually manage my dudsonline workload easily but my day job got kinda hectic this month. People in my day job discovered my hidden "skill" - LOL - and keep passing me work that's not on my job description. And on top of that, I have to keep doing jobs that is really mine. Oh, and the IBM people introduced us to lots of ideas that I want to work and implement. And since nobody at work seems to be taking the initiative, I keep pushing it. So it's like I have five jobs.

I might need therapy. I need to learn to say NO. Or STOP! But how can you say NO to something you like doing?

Albert Einstein once said that "If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not to people or things." When I see a project, I immediately see a goal. So I don't really care if it pays, or not. It's just something to work for. And I am happy, and I get really excited ... at least to a point. When my body screams due to lack of sleep or my butt gets really sore from sitting too much, I lose that happiness. Then I get stressed and start screaming and playing stuff like Canon Rock - hahaha.

I still don't have a switch in my brain to turn off work when I have to. I've found effective ways to divert attention for a few precious minutes though. I blog, I take a walk, I have quick chats with friends (online now most of the time coz I can't leave the computer), and I watch short videos on You Tube.

Then I find muppets and Queen - love Beaker and the Mana-mana guy! :) And then I forget health and decide I can put up with the butt sore.

I wonder if happy people die early?

superwomen

2009-11-21T22:14:00.000+08:00

After attending the APEC-IT seminar and learning Nihongo in the process at the West Visayas State University last Thursday, I ran into my Yahyah buddies. Sweet surprise that one of then just got back from London. So ended up decorating the Foreign Studies Bulletin Board up to 9pm; we had a late dinner at Carlos just when they were about to close. Barely made it. But had yummy mocha coffee and Cardiac arrest Carbonara (that's what it's really called), and sharing bits and pieces about recent secrets and lovelife - a lot of haha moments there - I was refreshed. I have such sweet friends. And I love comparing notes on ... well, men - hahaha. Maybe they are just interesting species that we needed to dissect? Anyway, interesting conversations ended up into long hours as usual. I promised longer in-depth discussions on these - just really need to get through this month.

Today, high school buddies this time - had lunch at Afrique's in Smallville. Tomato soup, pizza, and side dishes of - what else? Haha, men talk. Oh yeah, and career - naks! I think our generation is really into self-actualization. Marriage is really not a priority anymore. Happiness is. Not the selfish kind, I think it's more the self-fulfillment kind. There is a need for balance in everything. A lot of giving and taking. We can't just give and give or take and take. We seek a partnership where we all have to give something to make things work. We can't be superwomen all the time. And neither do we want supermen ... although that wouldn't hurt - hehehe. And again, my buddies kept me company until I had to leave for yet another meeting. Again I promised liquor on our next get together - just really need to get through this month.

I really really just need to get through this month then I'll be ok. Unless a new wave of work hits me again. I have a waitlist for December. But I won't let that bother me today. Just need to focus and get through this month. One week to go. And the panic begins :)

Serenity

2009-11-15T19:33:00.000+08:00

God grant me the serenity
to accept that the web is not the place to vent out your tired thoughts;
the courage to back up every bad thing I say here and tell the world that I was just "thinking out loud";
the wisdom to filter every random thought, every photo or link before I publish it.

God grant me the serenity
to accept that clients will not care if you hold two jobs;
the courage to decline jobs when I have too much on my plate;
the wisdom to constantly remind myself why I'm doing this.

God grant me the serenity
to accept that my butt will hurt if I sit too much in front of the computer.
the courage to face deadlines with a tired grin;
the wisdom to know when to stop working.
Amen.

It's one of those months where it feels like it'e never gonna end. I'm exhausted and wish I can just ... sleep all day.

Kapuy Kaayo

2009-11-11T21:11:00.001+08:00

I'm back. Have very little to say for now. Tired. Sleepy. You know the drill. Here's a brief summary in pics. More pics on the other blog or my flickr page. Yawnnnnn.

Spent the first night on the TransAsia boat to Cebu. We left Iloilo at 6pm and arrived at 7am. Stayed tourist class so had a lot of fun. Saw this spot of sunlight peeping behind a cloud in the early morning. They say dolphins were swimming near the boat too but I missed that coz I slept too soundly.

Dumaluan Beach Resort, Bohol. We stayed here the second night. Lovely hotel room. And plenty of things to do. But unfortunately we arrived quite late and had to leave quite early.

The best part of the trip if you ask me. We stayed at the Hidden Valley Resort, Lamac - an hour and a half from Toledo, Cebu. Went swimming in the evening, enjoyed a farmer's rondalla concert during dinner and sang until morning. Woke up early to take pics.

Sleeping soon. g'night.

you're going to find yourself somewhere somehow

2009-11-03T00:47:00.001+08:00

Been listening to Corinne Bailey Rae, "Put Your Record On". I'm sooo tired, I feel I just need to put my hair down :) Don't even have the energy to dance but the blues suits me fine. Me thinks I'm feeling more down than usual. Maybe it's just doing too much work, too many worries, too afraid, too less fun ?

Will blog more soon. Will talk more soon. Will be more noisy soon.

For now, I just need to chill.

Ooh Child

2009-10-31T21:06:00.000+08:00

My favorite Soultrain song for - Ever! :)

Originally sung by the Five Stairsteps in the 70's, it's been repeatedly revived by different artists like Nina Simone, Hall and Oates, Cyndi Lauper, Destiny's Child among others. Of course, my favorite version will be Uncle Donnie McClurkin featuring Kirk Franklin sung as a gospel song. I don't know why but blacks sing it better although I did like the Hall and Oates version a lot.

It's my pick-up song when I'm feeling down - or when I'm really tired - or when my butt hurts from too much sitting and working LOL. "When you're just tried of just trying, Come mownnnnnn!"

Staying alive

2009-10-31T14:29:00.000+08:00

My butt hurts.

Too much sitting in front of the computer. It's been like this for about a week. My goal is to finish everything this Saturday so I could enjoy the long weekend. But it looks like that's not going to happen.

I need to upload my work to a server and my dsl is sooooooo slow. I've been uploading for almost 24 hours. And I need to finish a brochure and a vector artwork by tonight. That's not going to happen either. Sigh.

My butt hurts.

Sigh.