12.22.2008

Eternally 38

Dear God, Allah, Jesu Christi, and whatever name we call you,

You know I never lie about my age. It is as inevitable as death. I turn 38 today. Despite all my philosophies about you and my complaints about life, I want you to know that I am still eternally grateful for everything that I have.

I thank you most of all for family, they are such asses. But it takes one to know one? Imperfect and difficult they may be - I love 'em to bits and I'm such a lucky ass that they also put up with my imperfections and my being difficult.

I thank you for my bedeviled friends. They are my reason to believe in you. Hehehe. And I thank you also for my angelic friends. Sometimes they are just too good for me but I don't mind that one bit. Keep them coming ;)

I love it that you gave me a job that doesn't feel like a job. And I love that you found me opportunities to answer my problems and at the same time find self-expression on how I see the world.

I thank you Lord for a free mind and a free heart.

But I am most grateful for, and you know how I hate being corny, I thank you for being there. For laughing at my blunders, for challenging me in my cowardice, for holding my hand in my fear, for your empathy in my pain. For just being my Lord and Saviour. There can be no other God like you.

I'd give you a hug but you are just too big for me :)

So thanks Bud. I am eternally grateful.

Amen.

12.16.2008

Escape

There are days when all I could think about is escaping reality, responsibility and reason. I sometimes wonder if my idealism has somehow trapped me into my own prison cell - one I cannot get out of. I remember my mom who wanted out of a bad marriage but just couldn't leave the house she worked hard for or the adorable smart-ass kids she gave birth, too. But then again, who could? - hehe.

I wonder if I could just go and start all over again. As I age, leaving the house to live alone and independently just gets more and more difficult. But I think of the accomplishment - a feat this would be for a prisoner in her own-self-built walls.

No matter how permanent this feels, I assure myself that I can always change my mind if my put my heart into it.

By the way, our household helper just won a million pesos in a raffle this weekend. Yes, the one who cooks for us for a meager salary is actually richer than me now. The funny thing is I'm still figuring out where to get her her 13th month pay. Loyal that she is, she has chosen to stick with us for the time being although I did tell her to look for a good replacement should she wish to leave us (the ad would say: WANTED. Household help. Perks: those who live with us could become the next millionaire!).

All she asked that she be allowed a long vacation to visit her grandmother which I obliged her. I mean, how could you refuse a millionaire who wants to stick with you even if she could actually afford to employ you as her household help - not that I would be good at it anyway. I murdered chorizo in trying to cook breakfast last Sunday because she had to go tell her family that she's rich. Sigh. I am happy for her. She needs a house. And deserves a whole lot of things for what she's been through in her life. There's no one here on earth who deserves this than our very own Doña D.