Flee Fly Flew

Went jogging after work yesterday at the Sports Complex. I haven't done that in about hmmmm ... eight months? I pushed for at least 1Km of jogging with at least 1km intervals of brisk walking in between and the usual sprint on the last few meters. It felt good. I miss my jogging buddies. Didn't want to stress myself after gaining so much weight and not much exercise.

Anyway,I'm going back there later today. It's become a more crowded place since I last remember it. I still prefer the Boulevard - for the better fresh air. But with my new jogging buddies, this will do. :)

It's 3am and I'm wide awake.

To Teach Is To Learn Is to Lead

I've been attending a seminar on designing templates for websites, specifically Joomla because that's what the unit uses as CMS. I don't know Joomla but I was tasked to document the process because documentation is part of the training too. So they started with basic html and css - something I've been doing for a couple of years now and I know those codes like the back of my hand. So I was asked to assist the Australian Volunteer Chris to go around and help those who can't quite catch up. I kinda like looking for wrong syntax in codes and teaching the participants what went wrong with their code. And I like it when their eyes shine when they finally figure out how to make it work. I like seminars like this. But at a short time, Chris can only teach so much. We will have to figure out the rest for ourselves. It all boils down to how much do you really want to learn to improve yourself. Sort of like losing weight, how much do you really want it?

There's a pararam maxim I came across another training that says:

He who knows not, and knows not that he knows not, is a fool. Shun him.
He who knows, and knows not that he knows, is asleep. Wake him.
He who knows not, and knows he knows not, is simple. Teach him.
He who knows, and knows he knows is wise. Follow him.

I have very little patience for fools. The rest just needs to be led. Which would probably bring me to a topic on leadership, something I've wanted to blog about for a long time but I can't seem to finish the post.

The thing is ... I have such high respect for leaders who know how to bring people to follow them without force or intimidation. Ghandi and Mother Theresa use quite means: prayer and peace. Kennedy did it with powerful words that inspire. General Richard Winters did it with strategy and great example.

There is a big difference between a manager and a leader. I got this from research:

A manager deals with status-quo; a leader deals with change.
A manager work in the system; a leader works on the system.
A manager reacts;  a leader creates opportunities.
A manager controls risk;  a leader seeks opportunities.
A manager enforces organizational rules;  a leader changes organizational rules.
A manager seek and the follow direction;  a leader provides a vision to believe in and strategic alignment.
A manager control people by pushing them in the right direction; a leader motivates people by satisfying basic human needs.
A manager coordinates effort; a leader inspires achievement and energizes people.
A manager provides instructions;  a leader coaches followers, create self-leaders and empowers them.

That's why people have very little respect for managers and  have high regard for leaders. Me, I want to follow great leaders. With the rest, I just have to grudgingly obey. LOL.

Pride and Free will

When something is eating me, I would know. One sign is not being to solve a single puzzle of four suit spider solitaire in five tries. Another would be not being able to sit still to fix a problem in my pc or read a book. And the last would be escaping through movies or babies :) I've been doing both lately. I know I desperately need a break - just to keep my sanity - but it can't seem to come soon enough. There are days when I just want the earth to open up and eat me alive. But thinking back, if that ever is a possibility, I don't think I will ever say that last statement. LOL. No matter how depressed I am, I have to say I do want to live and see more of the world. But then again, there are days when you think you've seen enough and just want to - I don't know - puke?

I have to admit, I bore easily. I can't stand not doing anything. And more than that, I can't stand not being inspired. It's like I'm semi-bi-polar. My highs and lows are so high and so low. Sigh. Nanay said there will be days like these. It just seems like I'm having too many of it and I'm counting the days until I blow up.

Okay, enough of my gloomy disposition. I have a baby in the house. That is reason enough to get up everyday.

On another note, I've been reading a lot about pride. There's this logo designer I've been following, David. I love his designs and I love his thoughts. A few days ago, he wrote Tell Your Story. "No one sets you apart - It's you". I copied that on my notebook. I think it's inspiring to own up to your creativeness, your uniqueness, your identity as a person. And I also think it's daunting to own up to the responsibility of your creations, your decisions, your identity as a person. I always tell my kids (meaning all nephews and nieces willing to listen) to be proud of what they have done no matter how small it may be. I like people to take pride in their work and say that they have contributed a tiny part of themselves to the world to make it a better place. Some Christians think pride is the work of the devil - I think they are wrong. Everything has to be in moderation. Too much of everything IS the work of the devil. Or more importantly - work of our own decisions.

The movie Adjustment Bureau (stars Matt Damon and Emily Blunt) talks explores the idea of free will. Everyday we are faced by options. Do we really want things decided for us? Do we really want to be manipulated into thinking we did make the choice ourselves and not swayed by invisible forces? I think I celebrate free will. I also detest it and wish someone take responsibilities for the path I found myself in. But we are products of the choices we make - (parang Coke commercial?)

And since I'm talking about movies, I recommend Reign of the Assassins (Jianyu). I'm not even sure what language it is in since it has a multi-lingual cast: Jung Woo Sung (Korean, yes - I love love love him lol), Michelle Yeoh (Malaysian, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon star), Barbie Hsu (Taiwanese, Meteor Garden), Shawn Yue (Hong Kong). I love the plot. I love the actors. And I love the symbolism of Wisdom (oooohhh) :) - it helps that he's good-looking too. Here, a leader decides who and what they do, until someone else decides who she is. I love this movie. I've watched it twice. I'm captivated by the flying and sword fighting. And the romance - well, I've always been a sucker for very unusual love stories. This one - sigh - is a must watch.

And one last movie before I go back to being boring, Gnomeo and Juliet, an animated film of the Shakespearean tragedy - but different. It contains voices of James McAvoy (Yup, I love him too), Emily Blunt, Michael Caine, Ozzy Osbourne, Dolly Parton among others. Here fate is decided by color - blue and red. Until two people decided they don't care if they're pink coz they're in-love. Another atypical romance. Funny jokes. Great 3D animation. Lovely characters.

Ah shit. Now I want to live in the movies I watch. I think I've hit bottom. LOL.

Real

My nephew who was born and raised here with us will be leaving for Manila today. He's all grown up now and ready to conquer the world. And even though he has doubts about himself, probably scared to death too although he wouldn't admit it; he's street-smart and I know he will do well. I miss him already and he hasn't even boarded a plane yet. Sigh. Who's gonna play the guitar during brown-outs? Who's going to show me goofy dances when it gets too serious? Who's the guy who will lift the 5-gallon water to the dispenser? Who's going to the store and buy the Coca-cola? :) We will miss you bud. See you soon.

I'm feeling sentimental today. I have done too much thinking this weekend. And since I had trouble with my pc and laptop, I think that's all I've been doing. It's tiring to be me. LOL.

Here's a thought. I've always thought that the true gauge of friendship is honesty. My friends all know that I'm brutally frank, and at most times I do not hold back and will not sugar-coat anything. Because of this, my mouth often gets me into trouble. But this is how I see it. I say what I think. Others may not want to hear it. Or even tell me things I don't want to hear. My real friends tell me I'm fat. Which is true. What can I say, the truth hurts. We will fight about it. We will not even talk to each other for days. But if they are my real friends, honesty will be the only thing that will keep us together. I have very few friends, and I do not need many. I just need them to be real.

I was finally able to see the episode where J.J. leaves the Criminal Minds Team. On the last part, she wrote this on her report:

Maybe it's because I look at everything as a lesson.
Or because I don't want to walk around angry.
Or maybe it's because I finally understand.
There are things we don't want to happen but have to accept.
Things we do not want to know but have to learn.
And people we can't live without but have to let go.

- Criminal Minds, Season 6, Episode 2

That pretty much sums up my weekend. Moving on.

Famous Objects From Classic Movies

I get bored easily. And I love movies. And I'm stuck in front of the computer most days.

So put all together and discover this: famousobjectsfromclassicmovies.com - the perfect solution to boredom.

It's harder than I thought. I got 39 movies right and 36 wrong. I'm not such a movie buff as I thought I was but try it and let me know how you score :)

Confessions of deranged me

This is a note written by my sister Weng for herself in Facebook. I just had to re-post it here coz I find it both alarming and comforting at the same time. LOL. Why? Because it describes me as well. That's me in every number :)

by Weng Daquilanea on Wednesday, March 9, 2011 at 11:15am

I woke up at two in the morning to the buzz of my son’s thesis group working through the night, preparing for their defense. I’ve been so tired lately. The weariness from all that running around warped my circadian rhythm and I am now such a shallow sleeper --  the click of a light switch can wake me.  We’ve been busier than usual. More work has come to our hands. This Synod implementation process has taken over our entire office and I now realize that this is too colossal a task for our ridiculously shorthanded team of three. I lie awake musing over these things and this just hit me…

10 reasons why I’ve been feeling more tired than usual:
1. I am too controlling. I like to keep everything within my circle of influence because its easier to carry out tasks to my satisfaction when I know I can easily take it over
2. I want to learn. Lately, I wake up looking forward to the day with eager anticipation for something new to learn and discover. When an opportunity to do so presents itself, I willingly volunteer because I know that moment could be a chance I will never have again.
3. I have so little patience for people who lack initiative. I would rather take over than suffer through a task because someone’s ineptitude is slowing everything down.
4. I am not afraid to risk making a mistake. Because a mistake is an opportune time to get educated. Experience is unquestionably still the best teacher.
5. I am the boss of me. While I may have a boss, I know I function best if I am in charge. Admittedly I can be a bully. But just because I have a small voice doesn’t mean I have to be one.
6. I am my worst critic. I know my limits. I know my strengths, I know my weakness. I know what I can and cannot do. I do not allow self-doubt to prevent me from pushing myself further because I know if I try hard enough, with some allowance for mistakes, I will get better at it if not really really good.
7. I am resourceful. All my life I’ve had to compete with six siblings. Having six siblings will teach you sooner or later that life is all about survival of the fittest and if you can’t come up with ingenious ways to get to the chicken leg before they do, you’re going to end up with the bone.
8. I can figure it out. Whatever it is that I or other people claim they can’t do that needs to be done I’ll find a way to do it. I trust myself enough to know somewhere out there lies the answer to the problem. Rather than wait for the answer to come to me I seek it out myself. Why should I let my ignorance deter me? I have a brain after all I might as well use it.
9. I am empowered. I find greatest satisfaction in work that involves empowering others because I know what it feels like to be empowered myself. There is an immense joy that comes after you discover your inherent capacity to change the world or your shitty little life for that matter.
10. I am a moocher. I like to sit with people who can carry a decent conversation with me for at least 30 minutes and if they can keep it up longer then I know they are smarter so I don’t have to worry about entertaining them. I just sit back so they can entertain me while I pick their brain for free.

Evidences of the fact:
1. Training hog. I volunteer to stay through all the trainings even if everyone else won’t because that’s how I can get the most out of any learning exercise
2. Willing delegate. I willingly accept delegated task, even if I don’t know how it is done because I know I can just try to figure it out if there is no one else who can show me how to do it. We live in the Google age for crissake! Any information we need is just a google click away. Lack of information is just a sorry excuse to be a dud.
3. Slacker sickness. I hate to be late and have such an acute repugnance for people who are unreasonably SLOW… in every sense of the word.
4. Overempowerment. Empowerment can be intoxicating and sometimes I have to remind myself that if I can’t trust other people’s capacity and risk the ignominy of an agonizing defeat when we fail then we lose the point of empowerment.

That is all for now. I am convinced that I’m going to be burned out before I reach the age of 50. Maybe if I’m lucky I can simply self-destruct. Fifty would be good enough...

Note to my sisters: I know you see a bit of you in here... just admit it.

Life of a Henna Tattoo

Everytime I go to Boracay - which is quite often, I always wanted to get a henna tattoo but that never happens because I always ended up doing something else.

Last year. we spent the night there in Boracay. I just started reading the Stieg Larson's  Millenium series - the first novel was entitled "Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" and. I thought it would be a great time to try the henna tattoo. And how convenient that there was this guy called Jeff who was just outside our cottage inking anyone who was willing to pay a hundred bucks.

I chose a small butterfly design and while Jeff was painting on my leg, he showed me his original drawings which he offered to paint for a little extra. I told him I just really wanted the butterfly.

Now, if I really wanted a tattoo it would never be a butterfly. I thought that butterflies are really the easy way out. If I were an animal. I'd be a koala or a free-spirited mare. But they don't seem to to be very popular for quick and unplanned ink art. Anyways, I liked Jeff's original artwork to allow him to add free swirls to my now stained leg which grew from a butterfly to a more elaborate painting.

Maybe I forgot that I wasn't Lizbeth Salander, and that I wasn't smart enough to think about skin testing henna since I've always used it for my hair after a re-bonding treatment. To cut the long story short, after the ink faded into my skin (it usually last two weeks) and seeped into my pores, I developed a rash in the exact same shape of my elaborate butterfly. Not only was it itchy, it was so inflamed that not even my Earth and Me Boo Boo Cream can contain it - although it relieved the itch quite a bit.. I have yet to see a dermatologist to make sure it doesn't stay permanent. But right now, I have a brown abstract and ugly tattoo on my leg that hopefully, will dissipate in time.

Ah shucks, this will not look good in the new swimsuit. LOL..

Kids, don't try this at home. Get a skin test before you get that henna tattoo.

And try to remember that you're not the superhuman heroine in the books that you read. You're just the girl with the blotched up henna tattoo. LOL..

Eye of the Storm

So it's been a quiet weekend. I'm bracing myself for a chaotic week but I also know I have to stop being lazy. I haven't touched my freelance work folder for quite some time and started working on billing old jobs that I've put off far too long. I'm putting myself back at ODesk and I'm also following up loose ends that haven't quite made it to the finish line. So it's a start - a slow one - but a start. I decided that I will try to limit my freelance workload to 3 hours weekdays and 8 hours weekends. I plan to keep my workout routine for as long as I can. I remembered how I love running - so I hope that it doesn't rain on our Boardwalk days.

I finished reading the Niffenegger books my friend gave me. I read The Time Traveller's Wife a second time and had the urge to draw a timeline for Henry and Clare - something I wanted to do when I first read it. But that means I had to draw not just two but three timelines - Henry's, Clare's and the time travelling Henry's - which would probably end up with a doodling mess on paper. Her Fearful Symmetry is slightly heavy emotionally as all books dealing with afterlife and souls and cemeteries should be. If I had to be locked up as a spirit, I wish to be in a Smithsonian - or the Louvre. Wait, I take that back. I don't think I want to be locked up at all - dead or alive. (Sings aka Nelly Furtado): "I'm like a bird, I only fly away. I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is." Yup, I want to roam free. And if I had to haunt people, I already have a short list of people to haunt (insert deep creepy laughter here). I'll start with my nemesis (Nyahahaha!)

On the lighter side of life, I have found a new gift. I seem to be very good at putting babies to sleep :) I don't know, maybe I'm soooo boring, they just shut their eyes when I start talking or singing. Or maybe they find my arms alike a comfy spa waterbed. Whichever, I can put Tyo Mike to sleep with a bit of crooning and rocking. Of course, once you put him down, he starts belting like Freddie Mercury again. But I really like having a baby in the house. It's true what my married friends say, babies take away stress just by looking clueless and dumb : ) - No, I haven't changed my mind about marriage or babies. I'm too selfish to be a wife or mom. Me likes being girlfriend and Tita until death do us part. Treat me right and I promise not to haunt you in the afterlife - Nyahahaha!

Ok, that's it. Have to go. It's Sunday and I plan to land a freelance job by next weekend before I go broke. Fingers crossed. Ah, the life of starving artists! Haha.

Pictures

I'm making up for all the lost time I should've spent blogging. I have been doing it sparingly but life goes on and does not stop for anyone. I have nothing much to say but here are pics for some quick updates.

1. Baby Pic- The new guy / toy in the house.. We call him Tyo Mike. :) Born two days after the elections, he earned the nickname Binoy. Dark but cuddly in sooo many ways. Grrrr.
2. Books - gifts from baby bro! Finished the Web Design book today. Love it! Recommend it! Must read! I wish all text books were written this way. School would never be boring!
3. Pug - the green pig who made it possible for me to leave for Thailand :D. Butchered him early May I think. Sold him for 2,750 pesos LOL. Enough for the elephant ride and a bit of pasalubong - hahaha.
4. My two remaining pigs - Dodo and Violet :) Dodod currently eats ten peso coins and will take awhile to fatten up. Violet is currently on loan with my nephew Paolo.

Bored - walk

I haven't been blogging much. Sometimes I get caught up with work that I can't remember to post anything. Other times, I find myself having a very slow week with nothing to do and so end up with no topics to post. I remembering that there was a time when I forced myself to write even if I had nothing to write. It's a writing exercise that once you get started, you will soon get to a topic and it will begin a chain of thought that ends up on you blabbering yourself away to kingdom come. Which is why I'm posting today. I've been neglecting this blog far too long.

So what have I been up to? I've been walking in Boardwalk. If you live in Iloilo, you would have heard about the bike lane in Boardwalk.

It's a 1+ kilometer of concrete road alongside the Iloilo River - sort of like the sidewalk in Manila Bay. It begins perpendicular to the Marcos highway and ends on the smaller Tabucan Road. It started as a bike lane. But in the afternoons up to late into the night, it has become a hotspot for healthbuffs and hangout enthusiasts. After office hours, it gets populated with bicycles, street vendors, joggers, motorcycles at controlled speed, strollers, skateboarderss, waveboarderss, skaters, taebo and belly dancing groups right in the middle of the road. It's colorful. Not exactly an ideal place to jog if you are a serious jogger. But it's free and conveniently located right in the center of the hub. Walking distance to Smallville, UP, the real Boardwalk establishments and a short ride to SM City - the one stop shop.

My friends and I have started joining the taebo class - if schedule permits it - at sevenish or 6:30ish in the evening. To support the program, you can drop any amount in the basket they pass around to pay for the trainor and the sound system. Good business if you ask me. It's also a sight to see because people of all ages and all walks of life converge into a dance routine together. I find it enjoyable to watch. There are several older people there who memorized the routine way better than the trainor does which is funny. There are kids jumping up and down together with their moms. And there's us who just wants any excuse to dance and sweat off. My friends and I have started walking at least 3 times a week. While the guys jog, the girls walk back and forth along the road while updating ourselves with the latest gossip and talk about what's happening in our lives. The talk is just as much therapy as the exercise. So by the time we finish, we had a bit of exercise and a bit of fun for two hours.

Hmmm, the post is longer than I expected. I have to go now. Next time, I'll talk about murder - hehehe. I butchered another pig. Will tell you about that later. Or maybe tomorrow. I'm off.

This is Jim Checking In

I've been busy. No, actually I've been living in an insanely chaotic frenzy. Yup, that's the best way to describe it. I feel so tired and a bout of asthma just attacked me today while I was in the middle of giving a training. I was coughing my way to kingdom come between words and drowned the cough with water to silence it. So, I hope thing will get better tomorrow. Sigh.

I wanted to blog about the books lining up in my bedside waiting for me to read but they remain untouched since December. I wanted to blog about the books my friends sent that I haven't even picked up because ... as I said, I'm in chaos.

I wanted to blog about Anthony Pangilinan (blink blink blink) whose training on Knockout Presentations I attended last Saturday and whose inputs I sooooo highly value. I wanted to tell the world how lovely and entertaining he was and how great his topics were. I wanted to blog that he will give the same talk in Kalibo this Saturday at Sampaguita Gardens and want to convince everyone in Kalibo to attend his talk because it is soooooo worth it.

I wanted to blog about my poet-friend's digital artshow and how cool it was. And that you can still catch it at the new art gallery in the Old Provincial Capitol.

I wanted to blog about the termites attacking my home and that I'm waiting for my house to fall down on my head any time now.

I wanted to kick my dad's ass - I still do - and I wanted to blog about that too, but I do love my Dad no matter how much I want to kick his ass; But GRRRRRRRR, let me just say that.

I wanted to blog about power problems we had at the office (for three weeks) and how it affected work productivity. I mean we never realized how important air-conditioning was until we lost it. And that dang heat immobolized us as effectively as a stun gun would.

I wanted to blog about how stressed I am at work because I'm the only female and the lonesome Admin Support- although I do forget that I'm female most of the time. I wanted to talk about how my best friend wanted to stop my co-workers from calling me, "Parts!" (short for partner) because it's a guy's buddy term. How I pointedly answered that I can't exactly ask them to call me "Girl!" or they would sound gayer than Dinagyang flaglettes.

I wanted to write about the wonderful movies I watched while resting on my back. To name a few: Hurt Locker, It's Complicated, An Education, Invictus, The Messenger among others.

I wanted to write about my new website project which I really like and that I'm working with two cool guys where I can say anything that comes into my head and they can roll with it and that they have the courage to disagree with me - hehe.

I wanted to bitch about the heat, and the lack of funds and the need to get more sleep. I want to bitch about not having enough time to work on my own new website design which I hope to get online by tomorrow.

I wanted to blog about ... hahaha - the highlight of my year but I will keep that one between me and my best friend  :) (blink blink blink)

I've been neglecting this blog far too long and I just wanted to check in so my friends will know I'm still alive. Anyway, while thinking of a title I remembered a quote in this story in my younger years that goes:

I JUST CAME AGAIN TO TELL YOU, LORD, HOW HAPPY I'VE BEEN, SINCE WE FOUND EACH OTHER'S FRIENDSHIP AND YOU TOOK AWAY MY SIN. DON'T KNOW MUCH OF HOW TO PRAY, BUT I THINK ABOUT YOU EVERYDAY. SO, JESUS, THIS IS JIM CHECKING IN."

That's how I pray everyday.

I'm tired. But beautiful - HAHAHA! So this is me checking in. :)

Mysterious Black :)

There's a reason for the title. It's a secret that only women are supposed to know. I can't tell you coz men are lurking in this blog. But should you have a facebook account, watch out for emails that are for women only. If I had my way, I'd like to change it and copy my cousin's color: Barely there :D. Like that one.

Anyway, I'm taking a break from work. I will need to get back to it in a few minutes but I need to rest my back a bit. Currently listening to a piano piece by an unknown artist with an unknown title. All I know is that it's Korean and I like it and would like to learn how to play it. Now, if I could only find a piano, I would lose myself in it. For now, I'm content to playing it over and over again. It's also my wake up alarm tone - and it fails miserable because it just makes me want to go back to sleep.

Today begins a no-weekend week. I worked today and will be working with no weekends until the Dinagyang Festival. That happens annually so I'm getting really used to it. I should turn dark and not my sunny self in a few days so be aware that you might need to avoid me when you see me in the streets. Yup, despite the powers of my lovely rebonded hair - my mood will be very ... unstable. So you know.

On a lighter note, I closed my dudsonline.com financial books yesterday. The verdict: I'm doing good. Not bad for a college dropout with no business sense who works part-time on an online venture with just a website for an office . I'm re-doing my site by the way. Started during Christmas break but haven't had time to finish it. I'm going chocolate this year. Watch out for that soon.

Tradition Tradition Tradition

Just sort of want to mark this date. Every beginning of anything should be marked. I just feel that this year would be significant when I look back later on. So this date is ticked and marked in red - it's the beginning of something - woohooo! Of what? I don't know yet but it will be ;)

Anyway, to recap where I've been hiding these past few days. It's really been one party after another, but surprisingly I had very little booze. I kinda like the natural flow of adrenalin by just friends and family holed up in one place. But I really kinda like just staying home and chilling. I can't seem to get enough of that for some reason. I feel that vacation is just too short.

I really have to make it a point to visit Nanay today - just to let her know that we're still alive and all = not that she wouldn't know hehe. I haven't gone to see her since November - tsk tsk tsk. And I just think we should remember our dead during the holidays too. We miss her dearly. Nobody prepares for Christmas and New Year like my mom.

I went to mass at Christmas Eve - where we had the flash mob :) before the mass began. Unfortunately I was too shy to join coz I really can't remember the dance steps. Sayang. Will make sure I join the next one though.

We had the annual Daquilanea Christmas Party on the 26th - that was a a blast. We had the traditional gift exchange with a maximum amount of P20 each. That alone is a challenge because you really can't buy anything at P20 nowadays and there is a required proof of purchase. I got a knife this year - from Passi market :) One of the kids got it and had to trade a used-bookstore-book to make sure nobody gets hurt with that knife - which I doubt can cut through anything but it might be a good letter opener in the future.

We had a year-end party at work last Tuesday. It was kinda nice. We had breakfast together at JD Roadhouse, then lunch together at Allan's in Oton. We would've had dinner together too had it not been for an upset stomach due to overeating. The guys don't let us pay so we were spoiled princesses for a day which is a bit refreshing.

I spent the last day of the year holed up in a beauty salon for 11 hours having my annual hair touch-up. It's become almost a tradition. Hair rebond every year end so I'm sporting a new look - long spiky hair. I had to cut about three inches of the mane and the salon owner wished I didn't chop it off but I'm really getting tired of all that hair. I would've done shorter but it will make my face more robust :)

I watched fireworks with friends at the plaza just before midnight and had a late lunch/dinner and early new year snack after that and headed off to bed. I heard the world turn a year older but I was too tired to get up. I woke up early just now coz of the diana - the marching band that wakes everybody up for the fiesta mass at 4 in the morning. I love traditions.

That's about it. I'm going back to bed and wishing the world new blessings this year. I hope we all get what we want this year ;) - just be careful what youa sk for - hehehe. Happy New Year!

Happy Birthday to me

Warning: There is no point to this birthday post. Just random thoughts put together.

On the year I was born, the well known First Quarter Storm happened in the gates of Malacanang, where Marcos was then President; 50,000 students and laborers stormed the palace and were met with gunfire and tear gas grenades. That year, the Constitutional Convention of 1970 was called to change the existing Philippine Constitution which was made during the Commonwealth of the Philippines.

It was also the year when they held the largest rock festival of all time, The Isle of Wight Festival, that took place with 600,000 people attending; where Jimi Hendrix, The Who, the Doors and Chicago performed. Later that same year Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin died. It was the year when Simon and Garfunkel released their final album, “Bridge Over Troubled Water” and “The Long and Winding Road” became the last No. 1 song of the Beatles.

My mother’s mother also died that year. I didn’t get to meet her but I was the three month bump under my mother’s dress in the old pictures. While all of the above was happening, I wasn’t really born yet. I arrived on the last month of that year, just when everybody else was looking back at the year that was. I was born just as my new year was about to end.

I was born in the year of chaos. I don’t think that has anything to do with my personality – although it would certainly explain a lot; I do think it played some part on how I grew up or how I was brought up. Not much has changed. It is still a chaotic world. I wonder if this world has ever known peace?

The most troublesome habit formed about being born on the year that ends in zero, I tend to count my present age according to that year. Like 2009 – I will turn 39 – only to remember that I don’t turn 39 until the year ends. And I pretty much think I’m 39 the whole year instead of thinking 38 because it was 2009. Get it? Nevermind.

I turn 39 today. I’m supposed to self-destruct at the age of 38 so while writing this I’m half expecting something to happen to me, which is unlikely, but who knows. I’ve always thought my 13 year old self was quite wise for thinking of self-destruction 25 years into her future. But if that’s not going to happen, well, onward I go.

I started the above montage four years ago. I wanted to document how I age. It was quite difficult to put together because my age and the years the pics were taken jumbles up the chronology. Anyway, a friend told me that I seem to have lots to smile about all through out my life. I agree. So despite the chaos, there is … a lot of sense of humor in there LOL. How else could I have survived all these years? So cheers to all the funny people I’ve met in my life – I thank you for your wit, your craziness and your perfect timing on the punchline.

To my God who knows me better than I know myself, thank you for another year. Again, I am overwhelmingly grateful for my weird family, my ever-lasting friendships, my wise mentors, for love in all the wrong places – LOL! ... Bansai! For Peace!

Below is The Doonesbury cartoon posted December 22, 1970 in the New York times. Pretty much sums up my philosophies in life haha!

Movement ...

Watched Avatar yesterday and regretted not watching it on 3D. Lovely special effects, creative character animation and exciting action. I also love the direction, how the cameras twist is angles that are - well, I don't know - just right? Haha. Anyway, it's a must see.

On a more serious note, I marvel at how stupid we decide on things especially the environment. We know so little about the world that we sometimes think we've seen it all. I know how ignorant and passive I can be. And I've been very good at making bad decisions in the past. But we learn. And I hope we will never be smart enough to stop learning. I think it's exciting - learning. There is so much to discover, so many new things to see. Ok, I'm going to stop now. I'm just saying ...

On the lighter side of life, I've been dancing again since Thursday. Remember my last post? :) We are the change we want to see in the world. Ask and the world will conspire to make your dreams come true. I know I keep repeating that but I honestly believe those words. They work. It's all about attitude. If you want it, make it happen. And it's happening - in a small scale - but it is just the beginning. The sudden changes in temperature is bringing out the worst of my asthma, but allow me to wiggle my booty and I will forget that I can't breathe. Haha. I just love that I can be able to move again. Don't feel that young anymore though. I have a couple of white hairs to prove it. When did I get so old? LOL. Still, age is mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't really matter.

I'm Alive

Looks like I'm going to survive November after all. Felt like I haven't stopped working since October. It's been one project after another - and I know this should be a good thing although I'm already tired just thinking about it - I have a waitlist for December :) I am thankful (Lord, I really am!) ... but sometimes I'm afraid for my life. LOL.

People tend to think that just because I have lots of projects also means I have lots of money. What they don't know is that since I love making designs, I also tend to say yes to a lot of probono work. And tend to say yes to all my friends (and I have lots of them!) - and relatives - although I make them wait a lot too. I can usually manage my dudsonline workload easily but my day job got kinda hectic this month. People in my day job discovered my hidden "skill" - LOL - and keep passing me work that's not on my job description. And on top of that, I have to keep doing jobs that is really mine. Oh, and the IBM people introduced us to lots of ideas that I want to work and implement. And since nobody at work seems to be taking the initiative, I keep pushing it. So it's like I have five jobs.

I might need therapy. I need to learn to say NO. Or STOP! But how can you say NO to something you like doing?

Albert Einstein once said that "If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not to people or things." When I see a project, I immediately see a goal. So I don't really care if it pays, or not. It's just something to work for. And I am happy, and I get really excited ... at least to a point. When my body screams due to lack of sleep or my butt gets really sore from sitting too much, I lose that happiness. Then I get stressed and start screaming and playing stuff like Canon Rock - hahaha.

I still don't have a switch in my brain to turn off work when I have to. I've found effective ways to divert attention for a few precious minutes though. I blog, I take a walk, I have quick chats with friends (online now most of the time coz I can't leave the computer), and I watch short videos on You Tube.

Then I find muppets and Queen - love Beaker and the Mana-mana guy! :) And then I forget health and decide I can put up with the butt sore.


I wonder if happy people die early?

superwomen

After attending the APEC-IT seminar and learning Nihongo in the process at the West Visayas State University last Thursday, I ran into my Yahyah buddies. Sweet surprise that one of then just got back from London. So ended up decorating the Foreign Studies Bulletin Board up to 9pm; we had a late dinner at Carlos just when they were about to close. Barely made it. But had yummy mocha coffee and Cardiac arrest Carbonara (that's what it's really called), and sharing bits and pieces about recent secrets and lovelife - a lot of haha moments there - I was refreshed. I have such sweet friends. And I love comparing notes on ... well, men - hahaha. Maybe they are just interesting species that we needed to dissect? Anyway, interesting conversations ended up into long hours as usual. I promised longer in-depth discussions on these - just really need to get through this month.

Today, high school buddies this time - had lunch at Afrique's in Smallville. Tomato soup, pizza, and side dishes of - what else? Haha, men talk. Oh yeah, and career - naks! I think our generation is really into self-actualization. Marriage is really not a priority anymore. Happiness is. Not the selfish kind, I think it's more the self-fulfillment kind. There is a need for balance in everything. A lot of giving and taking. We can't just give and give or take and take. We seek a partnership where we all have to give something to make things work. We can't be superwomen all the time. And neither do we want supermen ... although that wouldn't hurt - hehehe. And again, my buddies kept me company until I had to leave for yet another meeting. Again I promised liquor on our next get together - just really need to get through this month.

I really really just need to get through this month then I'll be ok. Unless a new wave of work hits me again. I have a waitlist for December. But I won't let that bother me today. Just need to focus and get through this month. One week to go. And the panic begins :)

Serenity

God grant me the serenity
to accept that the web is not the place to vent out your tired thoughts;
the courage to back up every bad thing I say here and tell the world that I was just "thinking out loud";
the wisdom to filter every random thought, every photo or link before I publish it.

God grant me the serenity
to accept that clients will not care if you hold two jobs;
the courage to decline jobs when I have too much on my plate;
the wisdom to constantly remind myself why I'm doing this.

God grant me the serenity
to accept that my butt will hurt if I sit too much in front of the computer.
the courage to face deadlines with a tired grin;
the wisdom to know when to stop working.
Amen.

It's one of those months where it feels like it'e never gonna end. I'm exhausted and wish I can just ... sleep all day.

Premature Anticipation

So I was expecting to work on 6 jobs this weekend. In anticipation for the long weekend ahead, I got drunk with the Mission impossible Squad at Club 21 Friday night. We wanted to prove to our superheroes that we superwomen can have a night off on our own. So we kidnapped the superkids and hijacked one villain, had dinner and headed off to Smallville on our own. Poor guys had to use their supervision to look for us but we got found out anyway and so the fun began. We laid out one rule: That we get to dance with utmost abandon. So no slow songs were allowed. And boy did we swing! I was thinking of posting pics here ... but I can't ... the pics were incriminating and can be used against us in the court of law - hahaha. And I think I was too drunk to get a decent shot for the books. But we promised a slideshow to be shown on our Christmas Party on December. :) No escape for our superguys.

So Saturday was a struggle to wake up, but I did and started on the first job as early as 9am I think. Then I waited for my data ... and waited ... and waited .... but they never came. So ended up sleeping in the afternoon. Then Yasmin called, and promised me a movie. So I headed off to SM City at 6pm to meet my high school bud. After buying my large hankies, some pairs of socks and promoting my optical glasses to yet another grade, had a bunwich and hot choco with Yasmin. After which we waited in line for the Stupid Movie - wait, the correct title would be "The Age of Stupid" which wasn't a stupid movie at all since it was a campaign to save the environment. Unfortunately, I didn't realize how tired I was until I fell asleep :) Good thing Yasmin was understanding enough. Plus I had the music video saved already in my mp3 - Beds are Burning :D

So went home really late and read some blogs. Still no data so I was able to get to the last few episodes of Amazing race 13 (Dallas is so dreamy). And again fell asleep with my laptop on.

Woke up at 4am to get some work done. No data still so worked on other jobs that didn't require data. Then at about 8am, I was told that we were to have lunch with relatives at Breakthrough. I was promised Talaba (Yay Nang Ating!) and I knew that Breakthrough has a kick-ass crab meat. So had to get ready by 10am and was picked up by brother to fulfill our filial obligations.

At 2pm, found myself with sisters at SM City again. Found two blouses I couldn't resist and had to buy a box of Yakashii sushi for dinner (yumyum). Then headed home, worked for about four hours and ended the day with the Phantom of the Opera on TV (lovely lovely Gerard Butler) and blogging. Sigh, I still have to check my FB account for DC pics my brother sent but that can wait.

Breathe.

It was still a busy weekend but it wasn't all work. Maybe God thinks I just needed balance? :) Had a little bit of evrything this weekend.

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um, yeah, I forgot about my 3-month alcohol fasting. Sorry about that. It can't be helped ;)

This is the sound of settling

Is the world in utter state of dissatisfaction? Or is it just me?

My friends came to visit 'The Shut-in' last Sunday after mass. 'The Shut-in' - being me - stays home while the rest of the Catholic community goes to church Sunday mornings. So Lea (angelic BFF who's going to change the world), makes it a point to drop by since my house is just a short walk from the chapel. And another friend BB (bedeviled BFF who is the current authority for conscientious behavior), after dropping relief goods (now occupying my family's living room floor) for typhoon victims, stopped by too with her boyfriend. Ah, I love my friends dearly for thinking of me when they're praying to God - hahaha.

And we chatted a bit about ... well, things that cannot be spoken aloud on blogs and such - things that all three of us seems to be going through. Anyway, I served them blue salad and they liked it; confirming that I, hopeless cook extraordinaire, can mix a salad after all and will not make future husband go hungry :)

And the talk led us to a lot of other different topics that tied my brain to keep repeating itself. Basically it just underlined my restlessness, my need for change, my need to be significant to something, my need to break the sound of settling. baa baah! baa baah! Sigh. I got a hunger twisting my stomach into knots :) Me thinks I need a vacation.

Here's my new theme song for the month of October. Baa baaahhhhhh! Baa baaah! Hurray Death Cab for Cutie!!!


I've got a hunger
Twisting my stomach into knots
That my tongue was tied off

My brain's repeating
"if you've got an impulse let it out"
But they never make it past my mouth.

Baa bah, this is the sound of settling
Baa bah, baa bah

Our youth is fleeting
Old age is just around the bend
And i can't wait to go grey

And I'll sit and wonder
Of every love that could've been
If I'd only thought of something charming to say.

Baa bah, this is the sound of settling
Baa bah, baa bah

I've got a hunger twisting my stomach into knots.

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As we speak, I have the song repeating itself over and over again in iTunes. This is more than just the last song syndrome. Baa baah! Baa baah!