Disease of the mind

The diseases of the mind are more and more destructive than those of the body. - Cicero

I took my Dad to the hospital today for a CT Scan. He's been having weird blackouts. All of a sudden he forgets how to use his cellphone when minutes before he was thumbing it like an accountant would a calculator. We are to get results three days from now.

I, on the other hand, have been ordered to get a chest x-ray which I have managed to postpone for nearly a week. I'm having trouble breathing and have an increasing bad dose of asthma which I also choose to forget. It's bearable in the morning but at night, all sort of things worry my mind about my unknown diseases. The worry of the mind is much worse than not being able to breathe.

I am hard-headed like my father. We all are. It's not an excuse.

For better ... or for worsened

I have a bad case of common cold which is why I'm typing at 3 in the morning. I can't sleep because I can feel my throat burning and my nose running while I'm wrapped up in a sarong like a Muslim woman.

I've been on and off the rice. I haven't been eating much anyway. Everything tastes life cardboard. If I had my way, I'd diet on coffee alone. But of course, that would be bad for my asthma. I've been coughing too. But that didn't stop me from cleaning my room and re-arranging it. Now, my room has a very small island (hehehe). I have more space, and I have divided it into sections, like a work area where my computer, cameras and other hobbies are. And I have my sleeping section where my bed and my books are, and my clothes section, where my closet, shoes and bags are. The island is at the center, where all the sectins are combined into one. To think that I have the room the size of Harry Potter's closet - hehehe. I like it ... for now.

A friend loaned me a 512mb DDR RAM. ;) It works nicely in my computer. He said I can pay him when I raise the money. Yey! My Christmas wishlist really works. My old phone also stopped working. I think I over-charged the battery so now I can't turn it on. My Dad let me borrow his other phone but I'm sure he'd want it back soon. Which goes to say, I need a new phone. That, or buy new batteries. I'm leaning on a new one. But the truth is, I don't really care if I have a cellphone. Friends and family will just find it harder to talk to me without it. And that will be their problem, not mine. hehehe.

I dreamt I was getting married again last night. This time it was with a Chinese guy I haven't even seen before, inside a church. It was a better wedding. And it was a better groom - not somebody I'm head over heels in love with, but more polite, more educated, more ... well, better than the last dream. But before the ceremony starts, I find myself running for the door yet again. There's a pattern there. Am I really that afraid of getting married? Would I be afraid to get married even if I meet the right guy? Or maybe I just don't want to be married ... ever. Hmmm - I'm blaming my parents for this trauma - hehehe.