I know I should post something but I'm having so much fun this Christmas, I can't stop grinning.

A belated Merry Christmas to all and a Prosperous and Happy New Year :)


Pajamas that were made for me

I haven't posted anything for a loooong time. Life just got very hectic lately and I have too many things happening all at once. Anyways, I got these pajamas from BFF last night and I love them. They fit like they've been tailored for me - and that's usually rare for me with clothes.

Which makes me really happy to have really great friends and family tailored for me. I've been meeting up and re-connecting with old friends and relatives - and will probably be doing that for the rest of December. I have meet-ups scheduled until the 30th so it will be pretty tight but I'm looking forward to all of them.

Just wanna say that I'm very thankful and very lucky to have all these wonderful people around me and supporting me. I celebrate our differences and our likeness. I celebrate the years we've spent with each other. I'm just grateful to have them in bounty, that we are like-minded and share a wicked sense of humor.

Yup, these pajamas were just made for me. Wearing them makes me sleep soundly.


Hawaii Five Owwwwww

Saw this in You Tube and can't stop listening to it. Makes you want to grab a grass skirt and shake your booty all the way to kingdom come. My older siblings were fans. I never did like watching it because I was too young to understand it. But I loved the theme then and still love it now.

Started watching the new Hawaii Five Oh. Still love the theme. Not too impressed with the show though, It has it's moments. I'm on my second season.


I just finished watching the last episode of the first season of The Big C. Yup, I was weeping my eyes off as if I've just lost my mother. I am grateful to great writers and extremely in awe of great talent like Laura Linney. Still basking in the aura of storytelling, I thought it was time I do something cheeky. Like post an updated  list of my favorite American TV series :). Glenn, a family friend once remarked how our family can soak up ironic American humor. I asked him what he meant. He said that very few people can understand how you can laugh about something terrible happening in a House episode. Anyway, here they are:

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. Las Vegas, the all original series. I like New York too but I detest Horatio. I only watch them when the other CSI shows when they somehow interlink with the Las Vegas. But CSI is my all -time favorite. Grissom is an interesting character and I like how he blends with his supporting staff (Catherine, Nick, Greg, Sara, Jim Brass and even the eccentric David). When he and Warrick left the series, it still remained a strong source of entertainment. Laurence Fishburn did not quite replace Grissom but still I found him a refreshing addition to the cast. You pick up a few curious tidbits about forensic science along the way. I don't know if I'll ever put them to good use but still it's good to know. The most basic thing I learned in CSI is that that you can identify time of death by just identifying bugs found in the body and lighted sticks can show you the path of a bullet. Really geeky but I love it. It's on its twelfth season  and still going strong.

Weeds. Nancy Botwin is a real unconventional mother and a huge BI. Not someone you'd want to get mixed into in real life. But her story is hilarious and exciting - although not in a good way most of the time. I used to follow the show because of Martin Donovan but his character turned out to be a real ass and I'm glad they had to kill him off. I still like Martin Donovan though.  The series is full of tense melo-drama that pisses you off when they end each episode because you;ll have to wait another week to see how it turns out. There's a stark contrast between the "good" life and the "bad" which is quite poetic in some way. But it's great and I love that just when you thought things are going to be alright, something else fucks up and you're back to the whirlwind of lies and drugs. Intense. Love it.

The United States of Tara. Deranged and sardonically lovable, Tara played by the talented Toni Collette is all-intriguing in all her disassociative indentities. Helps you appreciate being deranged to a totally new level. Add John Corbett as the insanely perfect husband, brings everything to a somewhat distorted balance. Maybe crazy people just live more interesting lives? Of course, my favorite identity is Tara herself. And the artwork in the opening credits - I love love love that. Tara is an artist - I connect with that. I think that this is one tiring series to act on if you're playing multiple personalities. But Collette played everyone quite well. Her daughter reminds me of my younger sister. :D

House. Hugh Laurie. Rude, Unreasonable, Crass, Abusive, Drug-Addict, Brilliant. My kind of guy. I love him as the modern day Sherlock Homes. I was not too happy when he got involved with Cuddy and was not too comfortable with seeing House in jail. I think he was more at home in a nuthouse but still, he's a funny guy and brutal as he may be, his reasoning is flawless :) I do miss Olivia Wilde though (13). But I like to see that there's a dry and humorless asian in the team. Makes you think of home. haha. Foreman to me is House' conscience and Wilson, his puppy. Taub is the funny guy and Chase the eye-candy.  :)

The Big C. The series that born this post. I'm happy to learn that there;s a second season and are planning a third. I love how American tend to tackle subjects that people would rather not talk about. So they talk about it and it's hilarious. And sad. And scary. But all the emotions are there which makes a hit of a series. Laura Linney is great as Cathy Jamison. And I've always loved Oliver Platt. And the Oncologist Dr. Todd ( Reid Scott) - sigh. Marlene somehow reminds me of older Audrey Hepburn for some reason. I dread it when they start chemo - I think that that will be difficult to watch but if they could make fun of death quite successfully, who knows what they could do with sickness.

Criminal Minds. If you like forensic science, then you will probably be drawn to serial killers as well. Again, I miss Gideon but Gibson has become a great leader for his team and Rossi adds italian sass, My favorite charcater of course is computer wizard Penelope, and the walking dictionary Spencer Reed. We often wonder why they describe the killer in the same way when they brief the police, each profiler taking turns to speak - one after the other. But its become tradition, much like the beginning and end quote of each episode. It;s here I learned that people of the same race have a hard time distinguishing differences on facial features in a police line-up. If you're an Asian witness, you'll have more difficulty picking up criminal in an all-Asian line-up than in an all-white line-up/ And when you're abducted, you're best chance of escape when they lock you inside the back hood of the car, it to break the taillights from the inside/ Of course, that's only applicable in America because most cars in the Philippines have broken tail lights. LOL.

And these are just the current top six. :)


Chasing Pavements

Current favorite. And I keep it playing in repeat1 :)

I've made up my mind, don't need to think it over
If I'm wrong I am right, don't need to look no further
This ain't lust, I know this is love

But if I tell the world, I'll never say enough
'Cause it was not said to you
And that's exactly what I need to do if I'd end up with you

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?

I build myself up and fly around in circles
Wait then as my heart drops and my back begins to tingle
Finally could this be it?

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep on chasing pavements
Should I just keep on chasing pavements?

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?


Bite Me!

Haven't blogged for quite awhile. Been busy. Have projects lined up and good thing there's plenty of holidays this month.

So I created another secret blog (insert echoing evil laugh). It's my ... I dunno. I think I stopped counting after six but these things just come and go and they're a great outlet to vent off feelings. :)

For now, here's a pic of my baby boy - well, not really my own baby but someone I borrow from his mother now and then coz he's cute and adorable. Here he is getting ready for trick or treat. And here he is practicing his bite by hanging on my shirt. The costumes not complete yet. There's a motorcycle there somewhere. We have decided that he's too young for a gun and we couldn't find a leather jacket. He looks scary enough. Anyway, he made it a few blocks (Thanks to the motorcycle) before dangerously falling off because he was dozing from tiredness. Had to carry him home on my shoulder while pushing the motorcycle with another hand. But let me just say like a proud aunt, this boy can drive standing up. Of course, he doesn't know how to turn the handles yet but for a one year old - he rocks :D

Yes, I know. We distort their minds at a very young age. It's tradition.


Arrgggghhhh ...

I've always told myself that there is no room for idealist here. People are only human after all. But I can't accept that people can't change when they want to. For me that's always a possibility but it's probably a naive understanding of human nature. People will have excuses. People will want to stick to their comfort zones. People will always be stubborn. Like me.

A friend of mine posted this in fb: "All successful people these days seems to be neurotic. Perhaps we should stop being sorry for them and start being sorry for me - for being so confounded normal."

I am not happy today. And for once, I hate being the idealist. It's the winter of my discontent.


Change before you have to

I'm in the middle of ... something ... don't really know what to call it yet. Finally had David (the PC) fixed. Also solved the problem with the adaptor for Atticus (the laptop). When I hooked the former, I accidentally spilled glass cleaner all over the keyboard. So now I also have keyboard problems. So it's been decided that I need to buy that new PC before the weekend. Meanwhile, I've been working on my laptop which handles mostly everything except for my graphics work - I need my wide monitor for that. For now, I'm just doing research for my next project and anticipating working on it on my new PC. I've actually went window shopping the other day and found what I wanted. This will be my first brand new PC if I do get it - no more second hand computers. It took me four years to replace Kimberly (my first PC) and now it's been three years of working with David. While Kimberly handled my first experiments with the business, it was David who launched most of my work to the public. So I feel both sentimental and excited.  I'm making changes. And I've probably postponed it for a long time now. No more dual core. Bigger screen. Bigger disk space. New.

Now I need a name. I'm torn between Arun, Rancho, Nixon or Major Winters. LOL. Which one is better?

I promised you a sneak peek at my Starbucks Planner on my last post. Didn't get to post them because of the PC problems but here they are now:

This is Nixon

This represents Arun - his muse Yasmin.

Major Winters

Bottom one represents Rancho


Too early for humanity

It's 5:46am and too early for humanity. That's because  slept at 3am doing sketches of people with pencils - something I just learned to do and find it fun. But the baby had to sleep next to me early today because his parents had to go to the market to buy food. So this little piggy stayed home. The baby had this bad habit of waking up and wanting to put back to sleep only if you carry him in your arms and croon him back to sleep. I wonder where he got that idea. LOL. Sigh. So no sleep for me until the parents come home.

Anyway, I wanted to post pics from my Starbucks diary. My sister-in-law gave me this Starbucks Planner last January. It had everything I wanted in a planner - good paper, hard bound cover and enough room to be creative. I have converted it to a notebook, sketchbook, a taskbook and an ideas book while it still continues to be a planner at heart. I've wanted to post pics of what it looks like in the inside but it's taking forever to load so let me just post two and resize the rest of the pics for web to post later. I have to do this now before the boy wakes or else will need to rock him to sleep again and I'm running out of songs. LOL

The Sale tag was created for a client and the bahay kubo sketch was from a drawing workbook I bought in Manila to teach me to sketch. Yes, even in creativity, I tend to be bookish - at least with the technical part. If you can't read my terrible handwriting - it's a note about "Good Performance" -something I pick up here and there on my readings. I copy it in THE notebook so I can remember it since I tend to forget where I read it.

Ooops! The boy woke up and is saying hello to the remote control. Be right back with more pics later.



I have a new word. Misanthrope. LOL. Blame it on this guy.


Wala lang.Haha.

I don't feel like working today with the rain from Pedring making all that racket. But let me just post this one trivial detail. There's a meme going about that says the No. 1 single on the day of your birth serves as the theme for the rest of your life. The No.1 song on my date of birth is George Harrison's "My Sweet Lord". For some reason, it's not only hilariously funny, it's also terribly ironic.

I cannot bring myself to work today. Just have too many things on my mind. Maybe tomorrow. Good Night.

Misanthrope. Somebody who hates people: somebody who hates humanity, or who dislikes and distrusts other people and tends to avoid them. (Microsoft® Encarta® 2007. © 1993-2006 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.)


Flee Fly Flew

Went jogging after work yesterday at the Sports Complex. I haven't done that in about hmmmm ... eight months? I pushed for at least 1Km of jogging with at least 1km intervals of brisk walking in between and the usual sprint on the last few meters. It felt good. I miss my jogging buddies. Didn't want to stress myself after gaining so much weight and not much exercise.

Anyway,I'm going back there later today. It's become a more crowded place since I last remember it. I still prefer the Boulevard - for the better fresh air. But with my new jogging buddies, this will do. :)

It's 3am and I'm wide awake.


Astonishing Kiran Rao

Kiran Rao
Kiran Rao Pictures

Ahhhhh Shit! Just saw the movie Dhobi Ghat (Mumbai Diaries, 2010). Written and directed by Kiran Rao, wife of Aamir Khan. And now I think I'm in love with both husband and wife. (Insert expletives here!)

I'm already having a hard time getting over Ghajini and Taare Zameen Par, and now I have another movie stuck in my head. I LOVE IT! I love the screenplay, I love how it was directed, I love the cinematography - the display of colors and culture, I looooooove how the characters were portrayed and revealed. And the music (by Gustavo Santaolalla of the Babel and Motorcycle Diaries fame)  - ahhhhh, I keep hearing it over and over in my mind. It's disturbing! I've been re-playing all Aamir Khan movies since I saw Three Idiots. I think this one tops all of them. I love Kiran Rao! And I love her more than Aamir Khan.

The film will remind you of the movies Magnolia, Jologs and I think I saw a Korean film with somehow similar idea that starred Jung Woo Sung. The intertwining of lives - and how each person affects another in a deep and subtle way. How each solitary soul can somehow connect with another - by just understanding the depths of their being. I love how shots were made with a handheld camera - I think that was a great idea. I love the simplicity of the conversations that deeply lie about the turmoil the characters were going through. I love the windows and the looking in. I love the old woman neighbor and her role in the film as a silent witness. I love the ending - how everything was resolved but not quite. I love. I love. I love.

Dhobi Ghat is a great movie. Hollywood should see it. I think the world should see it.

Ah shit. Now I won't be able to sleep again tonight with the movie replaying in my head. I now desperately want to meet Aamir Khan and Kiran Rao and tell them how I love their art. As difficult as it is to get foreign independent films in this country, I'm gonna try and look for their next projects.

Ahhhh, fucking A! I hated getting wired up over things like this. But shit happens. What else can I do?


Stellar Aamir Khan

I am so happy to hear that Vilma Santos and Sharon Cuneta are going back to acting again. I loved "Tagos ng Dugo" and "Madrasta" among others and would list them as my top Pinoy films. But this post is not all about Pinoy films, although I think they deserve one and I hope to write one soon. Tonight, I wanted to write about Aamir Khan.

I first saw him years ago in Lagaan (Taxes, 2001), a Bollywood film about a small town trying to save its sad plight from high taxes by waging a cricket match against British Officers during the height of the British Rule in India. I saw it after a series of seminars on "Christ on Film" given to our Catholic community for free by the screenwriter of "Nine Mornings" Ton Sison. It was explained to us why Bollywood films take 3-4 hours and why dances and singing were essential to their films. I normally could not stand to watch a long film - I fall asleep quite easily. But Lagaan got me weeping and cheering for the Indian Team all throughout the movie. I especially loved the part where they worshiped their gods to help them win a game. That segment alone was overpowering to me and reminded me of how glorious it is to be in God's presence in quiet surrender. From then on, I listed Lagaan as one of my favorite movies, next to Amistad, Shawshank Redemption and Children of Heaven (Pakistan). Lagaan was nominated Best Foreign Film in the 2002 Academy Awards.

I didn't know the name Aamir Khan then although I found him quite a handsome young man acting as Bhuvan in Lagaan. A few months ago, I saw Rang de Bashanti (Color of Sacrifice, 2006) about a documentary filmmaker covering a story about freedom fighters during the Indian Independent Movement. This one I fould a bit overdone although I still find the film impressive. The character DJ was now recognized as Aamir Khan, the headstrong Bhuvan.

My sisters and I started to follow his films. You must have heard of the Three Idiots (2009). I blogged about it a few months ago and Aahmir Khan also played the lead role. That story strongly resonates with me - being a college dropout who feels that people have more to offer in life even without a college degree. I also love the script on textbook definitions, the demonstrations re: price of shoes, the speech about following passions - very smart screenplay.

Last week, I saw Ghajini (2008), a total impressive film that first reminded me of the movie Memento but with a different twist. It was about a man with short term memory loss and how he coped with the reason for his brain disease. Aamir played a different man here - a tortured brutal killer - and played in quite well too.

I just finished Taare Zameen Par (Like Stars on Earth, 2007), a heart-warming story about a young boy coping with being misunderstood. All my favorite people are mentioned here: Einstein, Picasso, Edison. I loved how he tells the story and how his characters develop during the film. I think there is quite a bit of exaggerated emphasis on some parts but this seems to be characteristic of all his films. Sort of like a trademark but I love that too, surprisingly, for someone who detests corny. Aamir Khan produced and directed this film himself of which he played a supporting role. Again, the quality of the movie in script, acting, cinematography and direction - stellar.

I now want to marry Aamir Khan - or at least, the roles he plays in his movies. He is  however married to Kiran Rao whom he met in the movie Lagaan.

Let's see. Robert Redford would be my favorite American male actor, Sean Connery my favorite Brit, Jung Woo Sung- my fave Korean, and Christopher de Leon my favorite Pinoy artista. Khan would be my Bollywood idol. Thank God for unreal men in movies.



I've been eating like a pig. I cannot seem to stop. If I keep this up, I'd soon be qualified for the Pinoy Biggest Loser 2. I don't know if it's depression or stress or just good food. What more, the baby broke the weighing scale by picking it up and throwing it for fun. I don't no how much I weigh and that worries me.

I'm suppose to be on a weight-loss challenge with my friends but it seems I'm going in the opposite direction. I also haven't gone to the gym or walked or jogged for a looong time. I miss my gym buddies. I miss my walking therapies. They are currently losing weight in other countries. But it's been raining and I don't like to get wet. LOL. I have exercise and dance videos which I don't touch. Running after the baby is the only exercise I'm getting. That worries me too.

I finished a whole pint of Rocky Road ice cream by myself last weekend. That worries me the most.

I need to do something about it. But that sandwich looks tempting.


eternal sunshine

I've been working since last night and finally took a break late afternoon. It's been raining hard and after a bath, all I could really do was watch a movie. I started this Korean series about assassins called Athena but didn't have the patience to wait for it to download. So instead I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Again. And yet again, I find myself analyzing every confusing moment of the movie. It doesn't help that my sister is playing classical music in the next room while the baby sleeps. The music is suppose to stimulate his mind in his sleep. So we have rain, a depressingly mind-boggling movie, no dinner and classical music.

All I can say is my mind right now has no sunshine, is not entirely spotless and that chocolate is not helping :\

Maybe I'm just tired. And need sleep. I think I should play Angry Birds. I'm stuck with game 20 and can't go pass it. Dang pigs are depressing me.

Okay enough of this. I'm going to bed early.


Call a spade a spade

There are a few valuable lessons I learned from my father. One of them is to call things as they are. It's easier to solve problems that way. We cannot sugarcoat words just to please people because that deprives us of a clearer view of how things are. And that usually blurs the process of investigation and analysis.

So you call a pirate an opportunist, a wheeler-dealer a manipulator and a bitch a BITCH. Because that's what they are.


Seven Year Itch

My blog turned seven yesterday. Unfortunately, I was in a workshop somewhere in Oton with no mobile signal and no hope for internet wi-fi. But I did get sentimental about my blog turning seven for a whole four minutes. We started singing videoke. Without wi-fi, there's no point of living life in your laptop when you have real people to live life with. So I decided to celebrate my blog's birthday by singing Dianne Reeve's Better Days with a drunk but very appreciative audience :D Life has soo much to offer outside the four sides of my monitor. And it what feeds the writing. I belted out song after song, with duets, solos and and an all-girl group. Without a drop of alcohol. And turned in at two in the morning. Who says you can't get high with life?

I was thinking of writing about the  seven-year itch since this relationship with blogger would've started 1st grade by now. But there is really no point because there's is nooooo itch.

For sentimental reasons, I'm enjoying Andrea Bocelli's Con Te Partiro (With You I Will Leave) as I write this.I searched for the English lyrics, played the song and read the English translation that went with it.  I change the LEAVE word of the lyrics with LIVE. Much more meaningful to me that way.

Sheesh!  Try playing it on surround, dim lights and alone - and see if you heart doesn't threaten to explode by it's sheer power.

Sigh. Is it the song or me getting old?


Harry Potter for grown-ups

I watched my last Harry Potter movie last night on 3D.  I had to do overtime work and left the office about seven pm when I met up with a friend. Unfortunately all we could catch was the nine o'clock show and it was expensively 3D. But I said that to give allegiance to the last of the series, we should not mind the expense. After all, I was a Harry Potter fan for almost thirteen years. Very little people knew about Harry then. And the world didn't seem normal ever since :D

I started reading Harry Potter in 1997. A very good friend, Gjean insisted I read the book,The Sorcerer's Stone. She had to borrow it from a cousin who bought it in London because nobody heard about J.K. Rowling at that time. It was aimed to be a children's book but I loved it. I bought a copy and gave it to my nephew to encourage him to read. My friend and I started following Harry after that, even after she moved to Canada. When she came to visit me a few years later, she even bought me a hard-bound copy of the sixth book.

I went to a lot of trouble just looking for those books every time they come out. I don't usually buy the books I read - because they are all quite expensive. Most of the time I just borrow them from generous friends with some begging and bribing.

There was a time I had to beg a friend, RP, to let me borrow his since there was a long line of borrowers in a single Harry Potter book back home. So he sent the very thick hard-bound (the Goblet of Fire I think it was) from Manila to Iloilo by mail so I could read it. That was sooo nice of him :D

My other friend, Ethel, a lawyer, who buys these books a lot, gives me first dibs because I was the one who introduced her to Harry Potter. Borrowing the Harry Potter books alone was an adventure. I read the Deathly Hallows with an e-book copy in a tiny PDA. No wonder I have very thick prescription glasses now.

The first Harry Potter movie didn't come out until 2001 - ten years ago. Daniel Radcliffe was a tiny boy back then. Look at him now.

Anyway, I have to work today. It's a Saturday but that's ok now that I've seen Harry Potter. I would not recommend you watching it if you're not a fan. You will need a lot of catching up to do. The movie is for fans and it did some justice although I still do wish it would go on and on.

I feel separation anxiety. They are all so grown-up now. Sigh. And so am I. Lol.



Been experiencing several allergy attacks. It's driving me crazy. Can't think right if I'm itching. Will post a more noteworthy note later.

Watched two great movies during the weekend. The first was a French film called "I Loved You So Long". I like the subtlety and quiet of European films - makes emotion so much more intense for some reason. And I love the simplicity of the ending. It stars Kristin Scott Thomas who displayed a powerful performance. Must see.

The other one was also European - Romanian but more disturbing. It was called "Four months, Three Weeks and Two Days" - all about a girl helping her friend get an abortion. The plot was simple but the emotional load - a bit heavy. But I liked it because I kept thinking about it even after it was over.

My friends and I got ourselves a theme song "because we were that girl too". It's called "Beautiful Flower" by India Arie. Check it out.


Couch Potato

So I've been spending my nights on the long black couch, laptop balanced on my stomach, coffee on the side table and TV on mute. I wait for Pinoy Biggest Loser which airs at ten during weekdays and pass the time reading blogs, experimenting codes and looking at pics of half-naked men. That last part was not intentional. There just happens to be half-naked men on some of the blogs I read because they're promoting albums that seem to require them to be half-naked. Not that I mind. Lol,

Anyway, Friday night and here I am again. A friend texted and invited me for a drink but I didn't feel like dressing up so I ignored the text. Our friend Glen gave us free tickets to the Sarah Geronimo-Martin Nievera Concert but we gave it away. It just feels right to stay home tonight and watch Robin Padilla move on screen without a voice. It just feels right to be typing here with my re-formatted laptop and not worry about anything else. No talk. Minimum movement. Visually full.

Ahm show about to start. Maybe will talk to you later. Or maybe Monday when I start this whole thing all over again after the weekend break.


To Teach Is To Learn Is to Lead

I've been attending a seminar on designing templates for websites, specifically Joomla because that's what the unit uses as CMS. I don't know Joomla but I was tasked to document the process because documentation is part of the training too. So they started with basic html and css - something I've been doing for a couple of years now and I know those codes like the back of my hand. So I was asked to assist the Australian Volunteer Chris to go around and help those who can't quite catch up. I kinda like looking for wrong syntax in codes and teaching the participants what went wrong with their code. And I like it when their eyes shine when they finally figure out how to make it work. I like seminars like this. But at a short time, Chris can only teach so much. We will have to figure out the rest for ourselves. It all boils down to how much do you really want to learn to improve yourself. Sort of like losing weight, how much do you really want it?

There's a pararam maxim I came across another training that says:
He who knows not, and knows not that he knows not, is a fool. Shun him.
He who knows, and knows not that he knows, is asleep. Wake him.
He who knows not, and knows he knows not, is simple. Teach him.
He who knows, and knows he knows is wise. Follow him.
I have very little patience for fools. The rest just needs to be led. Which would probably bring me to a topic on leadership, something I've wanted to blog about for a long time but I can't seem to finish the post.

The thing is ... I have such high respect for leaders who know how to bring people to follow them without force or intimidation. Ghandi and Mother Theresa use quite means: prayer and peace. Kennedy did it with powerful words that inspire. General Richard Winters did it with strategy and great example.

There is a big difference between a manager and a leader. I got this from research:

A manager deals with status-quo; a leader deals with change.
A manager work in the system; a leader works on the system.
A manager reacts;  a leader creates opportunities.
A manager controls risk;  a leader seeks opportunities.
A manager enforces organizational rules;  a leader changes organizational rules.
A manager seek and the follow direction;  a leader provides a vision to believe in and strategic alignment.
A manager control people by pushing them in the right direction; a leader motivates people by satisfying basic human needs.
A manager coordinates effort; a leader inspires achievement and energizes people.
A manager provides instructions;  a leader coaches followers, create self-leaders and empowers them.
That's why people have very little respect for managers and  have high regard for leaders. Me, I want to follow great leaders. With the rest, I just have to grudgingly obey. LOL.


The human circle

So I had an overload of Rizal info yesterday. I kinda like the dirt they throw in about the heroes though. Juan Luna killing his wife and mother-in-law. Rizal dating two chicks at the same time. Every hero has his weakness. And every hero is just human. Makes them real that way and not some unreachable icon. Which also means everybody else can be a hero because everyone else is human. Right?

Anyways, a brief update. My new nephew has been welcomed to the Christian world - which decides the kind of God he will have to learn in his lifetime. I'm good with that. I kinda like my God - wait, I love my Christian God. It's just the practice which confuses me sometimes. I'm a sinner. I feel relief just admitting that because it means I could still do something about it. I wonder about people described as "Banal na Tao, Santong Kabayo". If they think they're saved, then where do they go from there?

My other nephew, the grown up one who just moved to Manila to work just received his paycheck. And he enjoys his work and he likes where he is now. Kinda makes you feel fulfilled to have contributed to something  that feels right. I've also been told that he has took up body building and has become a gay-magnet. He had elevator proposals twice already. I'm not really worried about how he handles himself. He's very polite about turning people down - but I do wish he could be just straight up blunt like his mom and Titas are. "We don't like you! Deal with it!" And being the street-smart kid we raised him to be, he remedies the situation by bringing his female cousin along on places where his magnet is strongest - to discourage any indecent proposals. I say that boy is an improvement to the race.

Our baby boy is currently visiting his grandmother. So all is quiet in the house. That is why I'm taking the opportunity to clean up my stuff before the boy gets home and messes it all up again. I miss him though. He has learned to kiss, hug, dance in such a short period of time. Pretty soon, he'll be saying, "I wuv you" and reciting his ABCs.

I live for moments like this. :)


Hidden savings

I'm going broke. Encountered some unexpected expenses and I'm still waiting to be paid for some projects. I knew that I will eventually have to break the bank - my piggy bank. The good news is I no longer need to slaughter a pig since my pigs Violet and Dodo have nine lives or maybe more :)

So I was sadly contemplating on prying them open when I dug in my pockets and found 400 bucks on my newly laundered shorts. So now, I have money to give Dorsy to go buy fish and meat. Otherwise she would've gone to market with a bunch of ten peso coins on her pocket. Relief. At least I know I can still survive for another week until the money comes in.

Currently in the mood for canned goods. Here are some I want to purchase and give to my nemesis. :D They are real. People actually sell them although now I can't remember where I found them. I do want to see what's inside though. Mortal Terror scares me but I think I can handle the Colly Wobbles and the Heebie-Jeebies. I love the labels. Maybe I can find them in Diagon Alley.

Off I go. Just finished working. Going to watch Pinoy Biggest Loser, then maybe a few episodes of Criminal Minds then I'm off to bed.

I watched the movie Hanna - a disturbing movie about raising an assassin. I love Saoirsee Ronan's acting and I love the cinematography. I like the symbols hidden in the movie and I like Cate Blanchett. Must watch movie.

And also the movie Something Borrowed - a romantic comedy starring Ginnifer Goodwin, Kate Hudson, John Krasinski and the hunky Collin Egglesfield. Sweet. I always root for the underdog. Must watch too!

Okay, off to watch tv. Good night world.


33 Ways to Stay Creative

From twitter = D

I try to do all of the above. I have problems with 22, 29, 31 and sometimes, 33. But I get by.



What's up? Not much.

It's a Sunday and I just finished doing a catalog layout - and as usual, I want to tweak everything all over again. But I'm trying to curb the impulse by blogging. First, it would be costly for the client because I'm being paid by the hour. Second, I know I will never be satisfied.

Don't feel like going through the vacation pics right now and selecting which ones to post. I think I had good ones on my facebook already so there's really very little to add. But I will get to that soon because I want my vacation pics where I can easily find them.

I finished watching Community Season 2. And I can go through Hawaii-5-O but ummmmm ... don't really feel like it like now. I miss my daily dose of CSI and Criminal Minds. But they can wait.

Oh, we have new neighbors. The house next door have been empty for a long time. The Chinese renters left after the mother died. They were not a friendly bunch so never really got to know them. The wall between the two garages is separated by cyclone wire so we could see who goes in and out of the house and they could see my Dad's underwear when he choose to hang his laundry in the garage. A lot of people have been interested in buying/ renting that house because we are such good neighbors (nyahaha). Well, not really. We live in a very nice neighborhood. It's near a hospital, various pharmacies, a supermarket, a school, a park, a basketball court, a soccer field and a Catholic Chapel. Anyway, movers began carrying stuff inside since yesterday. I didn't know the difference between who was moving in and who was just helping out in the moving in and I'm not the type to stare and go greet the neighbors. An opportune time will come soon enough. The good news is they listen to Queen. I can hear it from my bedroom. I like people who can belt out the Bohemian Rhapsody with the wrong lyrics Like me. LOL. I think that's a good sign.

Did I tell you that our baby is now walking about? HE IS SOOOO DARN CUTE! We bought him shoes that makes squeaking sounds so we will know where he is at all times. We bought electric outlet guards because he likes to touch things and throw them. We turned Paolo's room into a storehouse of things that the baby cannot touch or play with like large bicycles, a huge gym ball and my computer chair (he drives it around the house like a truck - and crashes with it when he looses his balance). We taught him to bounce and shout like a banshee. He has a good set of teeth which he puts to good use on skin, leather chairs, wood paint and anything he can insert his mouth into. He's adorable. It helps that I can return him to his mom when I get tired of baby sitting LOL.

So that's about it. I'm going to get some rest now. Or else I will start tweaking that layout again.


Hi world

I have plenty to say but I'm too busy. So here's a short note to tell you that I'm back from my vacation (pics to follow) and moving through my daily routine, pffft during the day and awake with design thoughts at night. I also wanted to tell you that I'm currently hooked at watching The Biggest Loser on TV and disturbed by all my weight gain (although I did lose a few during those long walks in Hong Kong and Macau). Anyway, I have lots to say. But I have to work tonight - nice project that involves playing - my favorite pastime. :)

Talk to you soon.


Pride and Free will

When something is eating me, I would know. One sign is not being to solve a single puzzle of four suit spider solitaire in five tries. Another would be not being able to sit still to fix a problem in my pc or read a book. And the last would be escaping through movies or babies :) I've been doing both lately. I know I desperately need a break - just to keep my sanity - but it can't seem to come soon enough. There are days when I just want the earth to open up and eat me alive. But thinking back, if that ever is a possibility, I don't think I will ever say that last statement. LOL. No matter how depressed I am, I have to say I do want to live and see more of the world. But then again, there are days when you think you've seen enough and just want to - I don't know - puke?

I have to admit, I bore easily. I can't stand not doing anything. And more than that, I can't stand not being inspired. It's like I'm semi-bi-polar. My highs and lows are so high and so low. Sigh. Nanay said there will be days like these. It just seems like I'm having too many of it and I'm counting the days until I blow up.

Okay, enough of my gloomy disposition. I have a baby in the house. That is reason enough to get up everyday.

On another note, I've been reading a lot about pride. There's this logo designer I've been following, David. I love his designs and I love his thoughts. A few days ago, he wrote Tell Your Story. "No one sets you apart - It's you". I copied that on my notebook. I think it's inspiring to own up to your creativeness, your uniqueness, your identity as a person. And I also think it's daunting to own up to the responsibility of your creations, your decisions, your identity as a person. I always tell my kids (meaning all nephews and nieces willing to listen) to be proud of what they have done no matter how small it may be. I like people to take pride in their work and say that they have contributed a tiny part of themselves to the world to make it a better place. Some Christians think pride is the work of the devil - I think they are wrong. Everything has to be in moderation. Too much of everything IS the work of the devil. Or more importantly - work of our own decisions.

The movie Adjustment Bureau (stars Matt Damon and Emily Blunt) talks explores the idea of free will. Everyday we are faced by options. Do we really want things decided for us? Do we really want to be manipulated into thinking we did make the choice ourselves and not swayed by invisible forces? I think I celebrate free will. I also detest it and wish someone take responsibilities for the path I found myself in. But we are products of the choices we make - (parang Coke commercial?)

And since I'm talking about movies, I recommend Reign of the Assassins (Jianyu). I'm not even sure what language it is in since it has a multi-lingual cast: Jung Woo Sung (Korean, yes - I love love love him lol), Michelle Yeoh (Malaysian, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon star), Barbie Hsu (Taiwanese, Meteor Garden), Shawn Yue (Hong Kong). I love the plot. I love the actors. And I love the symbolism of Wisdom (oooohhh) :) - it helps that he's good-looking too. Here, a leader decides who and what they do, until someone else decides who she is. I love this movie. I've watched it twice. I'm captivated by the flying and sword fighting. And the romance - well, I've always been a sucker for very unusual love stories. This one - sigh - is a must watch.

And one last movie before I go back to being boring, Gnomeo and Juliet, an animated film of the Shakespearean tragedy - but different. It contains voices of James McAvoy (Yup, I love him too), Emily Blunt, Michael Caine, Ozzy Osbourne, Dolly Parton among others. Here fate is decided by color - blue and red. Until two people decided they don't care if they're pink coz they're in-love. Another atypical romance. Funny jokes. Great 3D animation. Lovely characters.

Ah shit. Now I want to live in the movies I watch. I think I've hit bottom. LOL.



My nephew who was born and raised here with us will be leaving for Manila today. He's all grown up now and ready to conquer the world. And even though he has doubts about himself, probably scared to death too although he wouldn't admit it; he's street-smart and I know he will do well. I miss him already and he hasn't even boarded a plane yet. Sigh. Who's gonna play the guitar during brown-outs? Who's going to show me goofy dances when it gets too serious? Who's the guy who will lift the 5-gallon water to the dispenser? Who's going to the store and buy the Coca-cola? :) We will miss you bud. See you soon.

I'm feeling sentimental today. I have done too much thinking this weekend. And since I had trouble with my pc and laptop, I think that's all I've been doing. It's tiring to be me. LOL.

Here's a thought. I've always thought that the true gauge of friendship is honesty. My friends all know that I'm brutally frank, and at most times I do not hold back and will not sugar-coat anything. Because of this, my mouth often gets me into trouble. But this is how I see it. I say what I think. Others may not want to hear it. Or even tell me things I don't want to hear. My real friends tell me I'm fat. Which is true. What can I say, the truth hurts. We will fight about it. We will not even talk to each other for days. But if they are my real friends, honesty will be the only thing that will keep us together. I have very few friends, and I do not need many. I just need them to be real.

I was finally able to see the episode where J.J. leaves the Criminal Minds Team. On the last part, she wrote this on her report:

Maybe it's because I look at everything as a lesson.
Or because I don't want to walk around angry.
Or maybe it's because I finally understand.
There are things we don't want to happen but have to accept.
Things we do not want to know but have to learn.
And people we can't live without but have to let go.
- Criminal Minds, Season 6, Episode 2
That pretty much sums up my weekend. Moving on.


about my day

Just a short note before I go to bed.

I had a long long-distance conversation with my friend Jeff on the phone this morning. He's visiting soon with his wife and I'm looking forward to longer discussions with him. Anyway, he asked to call me Beth instead of my nickname. I don't know if it's because he finds it difficult to pronounce my nickname or because the nickname means something else in the US. LOL. Anyway, I will find out when he comes over. He promised me an explanation.

I watched several episodes of Criminal Minds. AJ is no longer with the group which saddens me. And Prentice ... sigh ... It feels like losing Grissom in CSI all over again. Maybe it should make me happy that they could never replace Hugh Laurie in House?

Oh and I've been meaning to blog about the TV series called "Community" and "The United States of Tara". DON'T MISS THEM! They're funny and very entertaining.

Also watched the Inidan film "3 Idiots". Much to learn in this movie about education and success. I give it two thumbs up. There are corny parts but the whole movie more than make up for that. I even find the cultural Indian dancing showdowns, present in all Indian movies, quite entertaining. If you get the chance, don't miss it.

What else? I saw Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher's "No Strings Attached" - another romantic comedy - nothing like You've Got Mail - but I like it. And if you have unusual taste for weird conversations, also try "How Do You Know?" which stars Reese Witherspoon, Paul Rudd, Owen Wilson and Jack Nicholson. And I have seen almost all the movies nominated in the Oscar's but I guess if you're an avid movie fan, you would've seen most of those too - so no need to list them all here.

Right now I'm just trying to decide which favorite guy to draw to practice my lineart again. I'm torn between John Mayer (those tattooes will be difficult) and Jason Mraz with the guitar. If you've read this blog long enough, you would have known that I have a thing for guys who can sing, write, play the piano or a guitar and sport a camera like a body appendage. Or maybe my annual sketch should be a girl this time? Natalie or Kiera with those killer abs?

Ok that's all for tonight. I'm off tomorrow to attend a family reunion in Ajuy and have to wake up early. Good night everyone. All Izzz Well.


Animal Farm

Just finished reading Animal Farm by George Orwell yesterday. I was smiling to myself all throughout the book. Its resemblance to real life is uncanny. Sad. Sick. But True. I often wonder if this country is going in that same direction. But I still have hope in the goodness of people though. I'm not impressed with Noynoy, but at the very least, I think his heart is in the right place.

I've been telling my old boss how ironic that politics is preventing good and honest governance. And pitiful that we cannot separate one from the other. Or can we?

I cling to the hope that we can. That we have great leaders who will choose for the good of all and not a chosen few. We need more pigs like Snowball. I'm sure we have plenty of unappreciated stallions like Boxer. And visionaries like Major - only I hope they don't die early - and I hope we roast all Napoleons of the earth and lock their mouths with apples.

In the book, the initial commandments of "Animalism" have been changed to suit the privileged few. It's painful to read and more painful to see it happening in real life. While the small pickpockets rot in prisons for long periods of time, those who steal millions from the country scoot away free. As Orwell, or Eric Blair in real life wrote, "All animals are equal. But some animals are more equal than others."

Old Major had a dream. It's my dream too.


The paradox of pedigree

I wanted to start a project. Having lost a lot of precious photos during the Frank flood a few years ago, I've been in the lookout for old family pics I could recover. If I find them, I try to keep a digital copy when I can in the hope that dvds will keep them safer than photo albums. Here's what I have so far:

My family drives me crazy. But they are also the one's who keeps me grounded and sane. You hate them yet you love them. You can't live with them yet you can't live without them. The paradox of pedigree. Blood is thicker ... more cardiovascular for reasons we all know very well :)


Pffffttttttttt ...

I'm currently listening to the music of Ennio Morricone. I found out about him while trying to find the theme song for the movie "Love Affair" which starred Annette Bening, Warren Beatty and Katherine Hepburn. Anyway, I've been drowning myself in the wordless melody. Sometimes, solidarity with the right harmony could be the only paradise left in this world.

I should not be allowed to talk ever. I am an emotional eater. I'm also an emotional speaker. I speak what I feel and what I think. Otherwise, I will burst. But in the words of Stephen King, "The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of because words diminish your feelings - words shrink things that seem timeless when they are in your head to no more than living size when they are brought out." I should not talk. Whenever I open my mouth - my feelings shrink to nothing but just words. And words will never seem to to capture just what I have in mind. I hate myself when that happens.

But if I can't say what I have to say, I might as well put a gun in my head and pull the trigger. "God is cruel. Sometimes he makes you live." (Stephen King again). Sigh. This dark mood has to be attributed to the bad news I got. Sigh. I miss my walking buddies :) There has to peace when the music stops.

Maybe I should learn the ways of the Buddhists. I wonder what I look like with a shaved head.


I could listen to this all night long.

A Song for You is a 1970 (MY YEAR!!!!) song written and originally performed by rock singer-songwriter Leon Russell on his record album titled 'Leon Russell'. A slow, pained plea for forgiveness from an estranged lover, the tune is one of Russell's best-known songs.

Leon Russell - the original artist and songwriter as he was inducted to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame last month. (With John Mayer among others :)

Ray Charles - the version I love the most

Gavin DeGraw - the cooler rock version

Ellit Yamin - the new sound version

Donny Hathaway - the version that first made it a hit in 1971

The Carpenters - the more popular but never recorded version

I've been so many places in my life and time
I've sung a lot of songs I've made some bad rhyme
I've acted out my love in stages
With ten thousand people watching
But we're alone now and I'm singing this song for you

I know your image of me is what I hope to be
I've treated you unkindly but darlin' can't you see
There's no one more important to me
Darlin' can't you please see through me
Cause we're alone now and I'm singing this song for you

You taught me precious secrets of the truth witholding nothing
You came out in front and I was hiding
But now I'm so much better and if my words don't come together
Listen to the melody cause my love is in there hiding

I love you in a place where there's no space or time
I love you for in my life you are a friend of mine
And when my life is over
Remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singing this song for you

You taught me precious secrets of the truth witholding nothing
You came out in front and I was hiding
But now I'm so much better and if my words don't come together
Listen to the melody cause my love is in there hiding

I love you in a place where there's no space or time
I love you for in my life you are a friend of mine
And when my life is over
Remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singing this song for you
We were alone and I was singing this song for you


Against the wind

The President came by our office today. Yes, I meant the President of the Philippines.

On my free time (nyahaha), I work for the government in this huge building at the center of city. Now, it's quite common to have important people visiting our building all the time. I've seen a lot of politicians / celebrities come by from Cory Aquino, Manny Pacquaio to Miss Hawaiii-Philippines. So there is a large range of personalities we get to see - even celebrities I don't even know about. I even shook hands with Noynoy Aquino and Mar Roxas when they were still running for the top positions during the election campaign. But I voted for someone else - who also came to visit our building - but didn't get to shake his hands. (I'll give you a clue - he's a pilot - LOL.)

The only time I got really psyched-up to see someone up close was when Parokya ni Edgar came to visit and I did my best to get a closer look. I wanted to see Chito - genius that he is - I didn't even dare take a picture with him when I had a chance. I don't know. It just not me. If people flock to a certain magnet, I tend to turn the other way.

As I was saying, the president came to town. The ID card I designed a few months ago haven't been given out because we were waiting for the ID Band that's suppose to go with it. They were finally delivered the day before the visit when everybody was jumping everywhere getting ready. We've been told that we had to wear the ID at all times during the Presidential visit and while we are in the building premises. They distributed the ID about an hour before everyone was to go home so a bit of panic for those who didn't have IDs ensued but all ended well.

We were told that we have to get early lunches and be on the lobby to welcome the President by noon. He arrives at 1pm. So we were planning our workload so we didn't have to leave anything hanging while we were waiting downstairs.

On the day of the visit we were told to stay outside of the building on the duration of the President's visit. For security reasons, they will be limiting the number of people inside the premises so we were asked to stay outside. Sad to say I'm not that important. But I'm happy to say I don't really mind LOL.

So yes, I did stay outside - way outside. So no, I didn't get to see the President. I've seen him before - just last year when I shook his hands - so I don't think his face would change that much. I didn't want to join a shoving crowd so I let them have their fun.

I think the best part of the President's visit is when he remarked of how beautiful Ilonggo women are. LOL. What can I say - there is real truth to that.


And we start back at one

Hello world. It's 4am and I woke up feeling refreshed yet feeling doomed to work on yet again another Monday morning. It's normal to feel like this on a Monday I guess, when you have to compare it to a somewhat eventful weekend.

My weekend started Friday night when we celebrated my co-worker's birthday at Pirates with videoke. I miss videoke. I don't sing as much as I did before. Having joined the choir late in my life (haha - daw ka old na gid me), I think I'm not bad. I'm not the diva that can belt out high notes but at the very least I can sing in-tune and with good timing. The nice thing about Pirates is they have an updated songbook list - like they have Colbie Caillat and Jack Johnson - people you usually don't see on videoke machine lists. They even have the Korean songs I used to listen to. So I had everything I wanted there - my Gilbeys premium, my wacky co-workers and my favorite songs. I'll make it a point to return there and sing those songs again.

On Saturday, had to wake up early to do a photoshoot - again something I haven't done for quite sometime. Using my old beat-up 6 or 7-year old point and shoot, I went to my cousin's house to take pics of her products which we will be making into a website later on. I wanted to buy a DSLR last December so badly, but decided it's really not a priority, so here I am again stuck taking pics with a very old point and shoot. But you see, I never really wanted to make a career out of photography., I wanted to concentrate on my web and graphics design more. So if given the choice between a camera and a computer upgrade - I'd probably pick the later. And besides, it's not the camera that decides the good shot - although it does help a LOT! Ok, I'm sour-graping here. I want a DSLR camera badly. Preferably a Nikon or a Canon with lenses 50mm and another 20mm-80mm. It's the only thing in my website wishlist that I haven't bought. I want it badly. So here's a shoutout to the world in general - I want a DSLR camera! Please conspire and find a way to get it to my hands. :D So there, the curse have been broadcasted and I can no longer take it back. be careful what you ask for for you just might get it. Tsk tsk tsk.

Moving on. After the photoshoot, I met my high school friend Yasmin to celebrate her birthday. She's treating me to food and movie with promise of serious talks in-between. We had lunch at Chowking - for the perfect Halo-halo which she was craving for. And we watched Snow White - a really nice and dark movie about the Big Bad wolf. Reminded me of the age-old film about a falcon and a wolf -hmmmm, what was that movie called? It starred the young Michelle Pfeiffer and a German looking guy - Rutger Hauer - that was one great film too. Anyway, my friend and I parted ways coz she had to meet her kids and I've gone off to buy techie things (a card reader and a Bluetooth dongle) and (drum roll) a glass computer table - not the one I wanted to have for years but something similar. It's huge investment for me since I don't usually  buy expensive furniture for myself. But it was cheaper than the tables on the other stalls - and I went back and forth three times to make sure that's what I really wanted. The best part of the table - SPACE! I have plenty of space to layout all my shit when I'm working. So a table for my David - and it's black too.

After buying the table, I went home and assembled it for four hours. LOL. I don't think it would take a man that long to assemble a DIY table - but although I did love the process of figuring out which part goes where, I will never be quick in assembling furniture. I analyze that problem too much so it took me longer than what normal men do I guess. By evening, I was done but then I was too tired to work - although I did get some design and web work done first before heading off to bed. 

On Sunday, I went to open a savings account - a real one this time, because BPI was holding a Easy Savers campaign at the Basketball court. So Dorsy and I took the baby and opened accounts for him and another one for my Dad and one for me - so I will be forced to save money instead of putting it away. I'm not much of a saver. I can be good at piggy banks but that's about the extent of what I have done it terms of savings. A savings account is actually like losing weight. It's a decision. And I've been trying to lose weight and save for as long as I can remember. So I'm starting again. I promise to put away 10% of everything I earn this year. 

That done, I went home to watch The Way - a Martin Sheen movie that made me cry and wish I was Emiloio Estevez. I'd like to walk to Santiago and see the great view. Buen camino. That'll be a blast if you have at least a month to take leave from work.

I slept most of the day. And did a bit of work in the evening. This is a requirement for me when I work nights. I need to catch up on sleep during the weekend or else I'd be a zombie for the rest of the week. To end my day, I watched Edward Norton's  The Illusionist - very nice. I think the perfect ending to good weekend.

So we're back at Monday - and I need to get ready for work. :)


I'm tired of being me

There are days when I'd rather be someone else other than who I am and be somewhere else than where I was. There are days when I wish I had a different life - maybe an easier life - or at the very least - a life with more room to be ... well ... ME. Does that make sense?

I guess I just feel overwhelmed lately that even when I'm sitting still, my thoughts go in all different directions while my hands move to a very predictable rhythm of work and play. It's all so ... dull. I need more excitement in my life and I sometimes ask myself if ... is this it? Not far from the Darna comic I tweeted a few days ago. Sigh. I know I make my own happiness but I think I'm running out of ideas LOL.

I had another asthma attack today - my third day in a row. It's the quick changes of hot and cold temperatures that causes this and I wonder if I should be in a place that should be predictably cold all year long. But what can I do because I do love sunshine on my skin at just the right amount.

I decided to stay home today to rest up - well, because I couldn't breathe right. I - who plainly detest anything medical, finally took out my nebulizer from the box and just realized I had never used it since I bought it. It's my 2nd nebulizer, having the first one (donated by my favorite and very kind Danish DJ) drown during the Frank flood. I bought the second one to control yet again another asthma attack but never got to use it because I was drinking my meds that time. I'm not drinking meds this time but I do get puffs on my inhaler when the going gets tough. I figured I can will the asthma away and it's never a secret that I'm brainless and dim-witted when it comes to health. It didn't go away so I nebulized.

I stayed in bed and tried to sleep it off. Now, I don't normally get that many text messages. I'm not very much of a texter and my friends know this. So it was quite surprising that everybody suddenly texted me, one after the other, on that particular moment when I'm trying to catch my breath. I got twenty-five different messages from twelve different people all talking about twelve different things. And good girl that I am, I replied to all the messages while laboriously enjoying the little bit of air that entered my lungs. And the phone kept going beep beep on me. So much for peace and quiet.

At about lunchtime I got a call from a friend inviting me to lunch for a quick client-meeting. I consented, yielding to the fact that I cannot will the sickness away and I was not getting any better by staying in bed. Lunch was at a small kubo restaurant outside town - fresh air, gulay and water. I think it was air that allowed me to take in more oxygen than my little room allowed. I should go and take drives like that more often. Anyway, got home at about 3pm and slept until the sun went down. Felt better when I awoke.

This was not a wasted day after all. Though I'm again on the verge of yet another asthma attack and just realized that all my remaining Salbutamol nebules had expired last January, I'm ok to be me.

At least for a little while longer.

Yogs. DARNA! LOL. Sometimes I crack myself up. :D


Famous Objects From Classic Movies

I get bored easily. And I love movies. And I'm stuck in front of the computer most days.

So put all together and discover this: famousobjectsfromclassicmovies.com - the perfect solution to boredom.

It's harder than I thought. I got 39 movies right and 36 wrong. I'm not such a movie buff as I thought I was but try it and let me know how you score :)


Confessions of deranged me

This is a note written by my sister Weng for herself in Facebook. I just had to re-post it here coz I find it both alarming and comforting at the same time. LOL. Why? Because it describes me as well. That's me in every number :)

by Weng Daquilanea on Wednesday, March 9, 2011 at 11:15am
I woke up at two in the morning to the buzz of my son’s thesis group working through the night, preparing for their defense. I’ve been so tired lately. The weariness from all that running around warped my circadian rhythm and I am now such a shallow sleeper --  the click of a light switch can wake me.  We’ve been busier than usual. More work has come to our hands. This Synod implementation process has taken over our entire office and I now realize that this is too colossal a task for our ridiculously shorthanded team of three. I lie awake musing over these things and this just hit me…

10 reasons why I’ve been feeling more tired than usual:
1. I am too controlling. I like to keep everything within my circle of influence because its easier to carry out tasks to my satisfaction when I know I can easily take it over
2. I want to learn. Lately, I wake up looking forward to the day with eager anticipation for something new to learn and discover. When an opportunity to do so presents itself, I willingly volunteer because I know that moment could be a chance I will never have again.
3. I have so little patience for people who lack initiative. I would rather take over than suffer through a task because someone’s ineptitude is slowing everything down.
4. I am not afraid to risk making a mistake. Because a mistake is an opportune time to get educated. Experience is unquestionably still the best teacher.
5. I am the boss of me. While I may have a boss, I know I function best if I am in charge. Admittedly I can be a bully. But just because I have a small voice doesn’t mean I have to be one.
6. I am my worst critic. I know my limits. I know my strengths, I know my weakness. I know what I can and cannot do. I do not allow self-doubt to prevent me from pushing myself further because I know if I try hard enough, with some allowance for mistakes, I will get better at it if not really really good.
7. I am resourceful. All my life I’ve had to compete with six siblings. Having six siblings will teach you sooner or later that life is all about survival of the fittest and if you can’t come up with ingenious ways to get to the chicken leg before they do, you’re going to end up with the bone.
8. I can figure it out. Whatever it is that I or other people claim they can’t do that needs to be done I’ll find a way to do it. I trust myself enough to know somewhere out there lies the answer to the problem. Rather than wait for the answer to come to me I seek it out myself. Why should I let my ignorance deter me? I have a brain after all I might as well use it.
9. I am empowered. I find greatest satisfaction in work that involves empowering others because I know what it feels like to be empowered myself. There is an immense joy that comes after you discover your inherent capacity to change the world or your shitty little life for that matter.
10. I am a moocher. I like to sit with people who can carry a decent conversation with me for at least 30 minutes and if they can keep it up longer then I know they are smarter so I don’t have to worry about entertaining them. I just sit back so they can entertain me while I pick their brain for free.

Evidences of the fact:
1. Training hog. I volunteer to stay through all the trainings even if everyone else won’t because that’s how I can get the most out of any learning exercise
2. Willing delegate. I willingly accept delegated task, even if I don’t know how it is done because I know I can just try to figure it out if there is no one else who can show me how to do it. We live in the Google age for crissake! Any information we need is just a google click away. Lack of information is just a sorry excuse to be a dud.
3. Slacker sickness. I hate to be late and have such an acute repugnance for people who are unreasonably SLOW… in every sense of the word.
4. Overempowerment. Empowerment can be intoxicating and sometimes I have to remind myself that if I can’t trust other people’s capacity and risk the ignominy of an agonizing defeat when we fail then we lose the point of empowerment.

That is all for now. I am convinced that I’m going to be burned out before I reach the age of 50. Maybe if I’m lucky I can simply self-destruct. Fifty would be good enough...

Note to my sisters: I know you see a bit of you in here... just admit it.


A working break

When I got home yesterday, I felt sooooo knotted up thst all I can do is read. I had to stay away from my computer for awhile. My life revolves too much around my digital life that my real life just seem unreal - the reverse of Inception - my real vs the sureal - well, you get my drift.

So today, I decided to stay  away from my pc some more and work on another project. One which requires hard labor - like cleaning and re-arranging my room. Half of the day was saving a small shelf from it's miserable state. It required a screwdriver, lots of ill fitting screws, scissors and double-sided tape. I was on all fours with reddish sore hands but I am very satisfied with my work. My room is clean - although the word "clean" is subjective in this household; and I'm typing from my newly rejuvenated work area in my room. The pc still stays outside so I can stop looking at the bed when I'm working long hours into the night. I still have a four inch pile of papers to go through to make my workplace feel like a real one but I feel accomplished - like I've just lost 35 lbs. or got paid for making 3 websites - LOL. I wish!

Anyways, I will be back to working the computer tomorrow and snubbing everybody who wants to chat that is not work related. I will be back to my normal self again soon enough folks.

A quick hi to our bunsoy who's in the hospital right now. Please, be a monkey and eat plenty of bananas. You will be an ape real soon so you need to take care of yourself.

To my BFFs, sorry for the neglect - but you know me long enough not to complain. I miss you too :)


Public Transport

Finally! Some ME time. Decided not to do anything tonight. I have some projects on the side but since I'm awaiting more data, I can put them off for another day or two. Tonight I'm gonna relax a bit.

I wanted to blog about public transport or rather the thoughts that run through my head while riding public transport. You see, it's a basic luxury of mine that I ride taxis to and from work. This can be expensive but bearable when you're sharing cab fare with your sister to and from work. When the flag down rate of taxi meters increased a few weeks ago, my sister and I have been taking cabs to work but hitching a ride here and there with her co-workers from work. This week, my sister will be out of town - which leaves me with alone with the cab fare.

I promised myself to wake up early so I can ride the jeepney to work but since I've been working nights - I can't get up early. I wake up at 6:30- and panic to get  to work by eight. But I have been taking jeepney rides home for two days now.

To keep these passages short and sweet, I bring a book with me. My current read is Umberto Eco's Focault's Pendulum which I have started and stopped only to start again when work becomes less demanding. I've realized that jeepney rides will be the only time I can read without work and the baby distracting me. When I get home, I usually start thinking about the projects I have to do within the week. In jeepneys. I only have to think about getting home. So I read in jeepneys and shut the world out.

The funny thing is, when I ride jeepneys, I also think about what I would blog about when I get home. Or think about past conversations with friends and family that I thought would be nice to talk about. But when I get home, I play with the baby, have dinner then go to work on websites and forget about blogging. But now that's I'm blogging, I can no longer remember the things I'm supposed to blog about.

I have a short memory.

Me thinks I'll sleep early tonight and try to get to work early by riding a jeepney.