Seven Year Itch

My blog turned seven yesterday. Unfortunately, I was in a workshop somewhere in Oton with no mobile signal and no hope for internet wi-fi. But I did get sentimental about my blog turning seven for a whole four minutes. We started singing videoke. Without wi-fi, there's no point of living life in your laptop when you have real people to live life with. So I decided to celebrate my blog's birthday by singing Dianne Reeve's Better Days with a drunk but very appreciative audience :D Life has soo much to offer outside the four sides of my monitor. And it what feeds the writing. I belted out song after song, with duets, solos and and an all-girl group. Without a drop of alcohol. And turned in at two in the morning. Who says you can't get high with life?

I was thinking of writing about the  seven-year itch since this relationship with blogger would've started 1st grade by now. But there is really no point because there's is nooooo itch.

For sentimental reasons, I'm enjoying Andrea Bocelli's Con Te Partiro (With You I Will Leave) as I write this.I searched for the English lyrics, played the song and read the English translation that went with it.  I change the LEAVE word of the lyrics with LIVE. Much more meaningful to me that way.

Sheesh!  Try playing it on surround, dim lights and alone - and see if you heart doesn't threaten to explode by it's sheer power.



Sigh. Is it the song or me getting old?

devour, deliberate, devote

I've been reading - or rather listening to the audio book "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. I started it right after a friend's bbbbbbbreak-up. Which goes to say I gave too many unwanted advice, narrated too many learned lessons and experiences before the book. So I found the book quite interesting because evrything I've been telling my friends about God, soulmates, religion, approach to life and depression were echoed in the book. And I said to myself, "Oh goodie! Someone actually agrees with me!" So I recommend reading it to women ... or men ... in their  mid-life who thinks they have seen too many bads,and have taken too much effort to look for the goods. It would be the journal I would write if I was as good a writer as Elizabeth Gilbert. And I didn't even have to go to Italy, India or Indonesia to learn those truths. They unfolded themselves in every experience and learned from everyone I meet.

There's that noteworthy part of the book about Liz crying in the bathroom while the husband is asleep. I went through that, only on top of my bed (er, no husband), in the middle of the night, fetal position weeping. And I heard the same words, "Go back to bed" - only in Hiligaynon - from deep within myself. And that it was the most practical thing I could tell myself that night. And I slept exhausted but I had surrendered myself to whatever comes when I wake up.

And don't get me started about my thoughts on God, heaven and hell - sigh - Liz Gilbert Knows LOL because I have those same thoughts - except I'm Catholic. But I would like to embrace God in all forms of religion. And I would preach that God does love me - encompassing, unlimited, unconditional. I believe God thinks I'm precious ... and I make him laugh ... so yeah, I'm pretty special. And you are too, if you can only believe that truth.

And soulmates. Yes, about those, let me just quote from the book:

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master..."

See? Sounds like me - only written better :)

I just love people who thinks the way I do. It just confirms that I'm not the only crazy person in the world. And in our similarities in thought, we also find we are unique - the one and only :)

I should write more about this but not now. My thoughts are somewhere else, between me and someone else LOL! Geez, I wonder if God plans to drop me a David, or can I hope? - a Felipe LOL :)

Read the book sister. You'll know what I mean.

Kkkccccold

Woke up at 4:30am with an idea for a project and just had to write it down. Now I can't sleep. It's colder now - December - but it doesn't feel anywhere near Christmas. We have put up all the decorations and all. I wonder, as we grow older, do we lose a bit of the Christmas spirit? Maybe it really depends on the person. I'm sure there are people out there who can still be as jolly as Saint Nick during the holidays.

I was having this conversation with a friend one day. I asked her if I've become heartless by the way I judge people. She said no. And since she's a therapist by profession, I'm assured that she knows what she's talking about LOL.

Had another mini-reunion dinner with friends at Afrique's last Monday night. We started talking about kids since one of us is obviously very pregnant and blooming at that. I wasn't the only one in the group who didn't want kids but I was the only one who didn't want to adopt. Truthfully, I can't see myself with a child - my child. Does that make me a bad mother? LOL. My preggie friend tells me that those feelings can change when you do have kids. I guess that has to happen for me to find out. I sometimes think that I will eventually regret this, not getting married and settling down. But I'm living in the now and my now seems content with what is there. My nephews and nieces are inspiration enough for me. I may not have a lovelife - but I am loved. I don't need much. Just a bit of attention now and then.

Kkkkcccold? Am I?

I guess that as long as it doesn't matter to me, it doesn't really matter. or does it? I'm confused now hahaha. Better get back to sleep.

Things I have learned

From reading other people's blogs, watching other people's videos, analyzing other people's lives and finally, learning from my own mistakes ;)

1. Complaining is silly; either act or forget.
2. No one can tell me I can't do it except me.
3. Thinking that life will be better in the future is a waste of time. Live now.
4. Not being truthful works against me.
5. Helping other people helps me
6. Everything I do always comes back to me.
7. I eventually take things for granted over time.
8. Money does not make me happy.
9. Traveling is therapeutic and gives a new perspective for creativity and life.
10. Assuming is stifling.
11. Keeping a journal / blogging keeps me grounded.
12. Trying to look good limits my life.
13. Worrying solves nothing.
14. Material luxuries are best enjoyed in small doses.
15. Counting my blessings is my best weapon against despair.
16. Respect is earned, not demanded from.
17. Ideals and principles are guides, not rules.
18. I need people. And will have to constantly learn to ask for help.
19. I make my own happiness.
20. Breaking rules is liberating, and sometimes necessary.

Spectacles

Went to SM Delgado on my lunch hour yesterday to pay for my Globe Plan. On the way back, I dropped by the department store and stopped at the men's eyewear section. I like buying those cheap plastic prescription glasses they have there. Plastics are lighter to wear than wire-rimmed ones. And since they are cheap, I buy two or three to match with clothes - haha. Fashionista Wanna be! Who knew?

Anyway, saw this BYJ eyeglasses I wanted (so called because I saw him wear something like it several times) but they didn't have one with my prescription. I saw a cute brown one with weird stripes which I like that has my prescription. But decided against buying it because I really wanted the BYJ glasses.



So headed back to work with my old eyeglasses habitually perched on my hair like a headband. When I crossed the street, I decided to open my umbrella because it was super hot, and hit my head, and dropped the old eyeglasses. A passing jeepney crushed it to pieces. Sigh. I favored that pair pa naman.

But I now have an excuse to buy those stripped brown eyeglasses again :) Teehee! Wonder where I can get those BYJ glasses with my prescription on it. Hmmmm.

Sometimes, I'm so babaw, I amaze myself - hahaha.

So it is

da: what are you doing?
me: i'm rationalizing fear and justifying guilt.
da: haha. you're thinking too much again.
me: i know. i know.
da: sometimes you just have to jump right in with your eyes closed.
me: that is foolishness.
da: THAT, my dear, is fun.
me: sigh. so it is. (closes eyes and jumps!)

So it is.

Ay sa kakapuy!!!!

Finished a 3-day training after a two-day bilad-sa-araw at the Kasadyahan and Dinagyang Festival. Had very little sleep and I have my regular work piling up. It should be a good thing that I didn't take any odd jobs this month or else I would've killed myself. But then again, I feel most happy when I'm right in the midst of everything - tired or energetic. It's the best place to be.

Found this list at Yahoo: Three Signs of a Miserable Job. The opposite of which is three signs why I like what I do:

1. I am not anonymous. I teach people and I like that they learn from me, sometimes with resentment - hehehe - because what I teach is quite new and difficult for them. But I like it when people I teach are willing to learn.

2. I am not irrelevant. I truly believe that what we do at work makes a difference in people's lives. Make it a little easier for them to work in the long-run. That to me is important even when I design websites.

3. I can measure my contribution to a project. Albeit small as it maybe to others, I feel I am valued by my colleagues, my peers, my supervisor and my student-assistants. And I don't say that to be arrogant. I like that they can listen to me and that I can listen to them.

The fact that I feel somewhat successful in my line of work, I also feel somewhat a failure in my lovelife - hahaha. For the moment, I don't really care. But I wonder of it's effects much later, when I grow old alone.

Maybe I should get married. But would that get in the way of my love for my work? Hmmmmm. We choose our happiness. We dig our graves.

Bad luck. Good luck. Who knows?

Shades of gray

As a child, you didn't know the difference between right and wrong. You learn this daily, steadily. You learn that you can't touch fire because you get burned. You learn that you can't always get what you need no matter how much you cry. You learn that a hug always gets a hug back, that sweets, though enjoyable can lead to tooth aches. So you eventually learn to distinguish between right and wrong, black and white. And you learn to try to keep to the right path because following the wrong seem to lead you to situations you don't want to be in.

As you grow older, and get more responsibilities, you get exposed to situations that have blurred edges. Black and white has become different shades of gray. What is legally right may be morally wrong. What is financially beneficial may prove to be an emotional strain. What is perhaps right can be at other times wrong. Thus, the blurred edges, the masking of black and white.

I decided on the morally right thing today. That right, right now, feels emotional and financially wrong. But that has always been the case isn't it? The right is not always the most popular, and the most popular may not always be right.

Alas, to me, there is no more black and white. It's all in different shades of gray.