There are days when all I could think about is escaping reality, responsibility and reason. I sometimes wonder if my idealism has somehow trapped me into my own prison cell - one I cannot get out of. I remember my mom who wanted out of a bad marriage but just couldn't leave the house she worked hard for or the adorable smart-ass kids she gave birth, too. But then again, who could? - hehe.

I wonder if I could just go and start all over again. As I age, leaving the house to live alone and independently just gets more and more difficult. But I think of the accomplishment - a feat this would be for a prisoner in her own-self-built walls.

No matter how permanent this feels, I assure myself that I can always change my mind if my put my heart into it.

By the way, our household helper just won a million pesos in a raffle this weekend. Yes, the one who cooks for us for a meager salary is actually richer than me now. The funny thing is I'm still figuring out where to get her her 13th month pay. Loyal that she is, she has chosen to stick with us for the time being although I did tell her to look for a good replacement should she wish to leave us (the ad would say: WANTED. Household help. Perks: those who live with us could become the next millionaire!).

All she asked that she be allowed a long vacation to visit her grandmother which I obliged her. I mean, how could you refuse a millionaire who wants to stick with you even if she could actually afford to employ you as her household help - not that I would be good at it anyway. I murdered chorizo in trying to cook breakfast last Sunday because she had to go tell her family that she's rich. Sigh. I am happy for her. She needs a house. And deserves a whole lot of things for what she's been through in her life. There's no one here on earth who deserves this than our very own Doña D.

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