This is Jim Checking In

I've been busy. No, actually I've been living in an insanely chaotic frenzy. Yup, that's the best way to describe it. I feel so tired and a bout of asthma just attacked me today while I was in the middle of giving a training. I was coughing my way to kingdom come between words and drowned the cough with water to silence it. So, I hope thing will get better tomorrow. Sigh.

I wanted to blog about the books lining up in my bedside waiting for me to read but they remain untouched since December. I wanted to blog about the books my friends sent that I haven't even picked up because ... as I said, I'm in chaos.

I wanted to blog about Anthony Pangilinan (blink blink blink) whose training on Knockout Presentations I attended last Saturday and whose inputs I sooooo highly value. I wanted to tell the world how lovely and entertaining he was and how great his topics were. I wanted to blog that he will give the same talk in Kalibo this Saturday at Sampaguita Gardens and want to convince everyone in Kalibo to attend his talk because it is soooooo worth it.

I wanted to blog about my poet-friend's digital artshow and how cool it was. And that you can still catch it at the new art gallery in the Old Provincial Capitol.

I wanted to blog about the termites attacking my home and that I'm waiting for my house to fall down on my head any time now.

I wanted to kick my dad's ass - I still do - and I wanted to blog about that too, but I do love my Dad no matter how much I want to kick his ass; But GRRRRRRRR, let me just say that.

I wanted to blog about power problems we had at the office (for three weeks) and how it affected work productivity. I mean we never realized how important air-conditioning was until we lost it. And that dang heat immobolized us as effectively as a stun gun would.

I wanted to blog about how stressed I am at work because I'm the only female and the lonesome Admin Support- although I do forget that I'm female most of the time. I wanted to talk about how my best friend wanted to stop my co-workers from calling me, "Parts!" (short for partner) because it's a guy's buddy term. How I pointedly answered that I can't exactly ask them to call me "Girl!" or they would sound gayer than Dinagyang flaglettes.

I wanted to write about the wonderful movies I watched while resting on my back. To name a few: Hurt Locker, It's Complicated, An Education, Invictus, The Messenger among others.

I wanted to write about my new website project which I really like and that I'm working with two cool guys where I can say anything that comes into my head and they can roll with it and that they have the courage to disagree with me - hehe.

I wanted to bitch about the heat, and the lack of funds and the need to get more sleep. I want to bitch about not having enough time to work on my own new website design which I hope to get online by tomorrow.

I wanted to blog about ... hahaha - the highlight of my year but I will keep that one between me and my best friend  :) (blink blink blink)

I've been neglecting this blog far too long and I just wanted to check in so my friends will know I'm still alive. Anyway, while thinking of a title I remembered a quote in this story in my younger years that goes:

I JUST CAME AGAIN TO TELL YOU, LORD, HOW HAPPY I'VE BEEN, SINCE WE FOUND EACH OTHER'S FRIENDSHIP AND YOU TOOK AWAY MY SIN. DON'T KNOW MUCH OF HOW TO PRAY, BUT I THINK ABOUT YOU EVERYDAY. SO, JESUS, THIS IS JIM CHECKING IN."

That's how I pray everyday.

I'm tired. But beautiful - HAHAHA! So this is me checking in. :)

Death by chocolate again

There are days when being the primary bread winner in the family is so much like carrying an anvil in a backpack while trekking through ice in Antartica. I'm having one of those days. A quick death would be relief. Life is giving me a major headache right now. It shouldn't be this hard and burdensome. I shouldn't be feeling this tired. I should have more fun.

A friend of mine and I were talking about death the other day. How we are soooo ready for it. I told her that feeling like this might not be a healthy thing psychologically. It's like we have a death wish and we're daring it to happen. At this point, I really don't care. I have done things I wanted to do. My goals in life are simple. My wishes that haven't been achieved will happen when they happen. I don't want to depend my happiness on them happening because I'm not very good with disappointment. If I should die today, what happens after that will not be my problem. They can just burn my body in a big can and scatter my ashes in the front yard. I have left an unsophisticated written will somewhere in my dairy because Neil Gaiman says it's important to do so. I don't have much so there's nothing much to give away. I also have left instructions on how to deal with whatever things I may left hanging. I'm good to go. So is there's really something seriously wrong with me if I do this?

My friend and I agreed that we will both be very good this year on the premise that good people die young (smirk).  We will try to be good. We will be sooo good that sana kunin na kami ni Lord. I know. It's depressing and morbid. But so was Catcher in the Rye by the late J.D. Salinger but everyone loved it.

Do I care if I go to hell or heaven? Hell, yeah! But I also believe in a forgiving God. And I haven't done anything remotely sinful since I stopped attending mass. Okay, let me rephrase that - nothing on the list of the ten commandments. Okay - that's not necessarily true either - LOL. Let's just say that with the things I've done, God will send me to where I truly deserve to be. I believe in a just God at the very least.

This depressing post is brought yo you by the movies Hurt Locker, It's Complicated, The Blind Side and Up In The Air - very good movies by the way. And by Hershey kisses too.This is something chocolate can cure. Sigh. Mom said there will be days like this.