I had thoughts going aimlessly around my head. Thoughts that should be written down for posterity. But right now that I have my blog on hand, they escape me. Let me meditate for awhile, maybe it will come to me.
Went to the mall today. Left the seminar early and wandered around like a lost puppy. First thing I did was buy a cheap book on Visual Basic. After learning all about ASP.NET, I realized I need to brush up on my programming skills. And since I'm a jack-of-all-trades dropout, I need to work harder than Com Sci graduates who don't really like to be programmers but have the diploma I want. Anyway, at the back of my mind, I'm beginning to think that my business will outlive me. So the second thing I bought is notebooks for my college nephew. He has to be prepared for college. And I've already told him that he will inherit my computer.
Next stop was the shoe department. I really wanted to buy shoes. Now that my small business is picking up, there is a need to look presentable to clients. And although I have a good set of passable wardrobe that I hardly use (mainly because I don't like to dress fancy - I prefer comfort), I still need a few more things to spice it up. But looking at shoes today, all I could think of is the 2G flashdrive I wanted and the router I have to pay for. So I ended up without shoes, but bought something for my nephew that erased any craving to buy anything else. :) I was rewarded with a wdie grin and unlimited supply of hugs. I think that would last me till his next birthday and Christmas even- hehehe. I know. I spoil him too much.
At work, things are a bit rough. Relationship are tight but strained. A lot of disagreements. I realized that this is what it means to be older. I wonder, if we were younger, we would have let things like this slide and not take things personally. Now, we get affected by the littliest things. I used to be afraid of growing old. I used to feel the stress my parents had when they were having tension at work. And I used to say how difficult old people are. I'm there now. I guess, the older you get, the more set you are in your ways, you become more adamant when it comes to your principles and you get easily emotional about things. I can't change my age. But I hope I can still keep my disposition young, my temper in check, my emotions objective and my opinions ... MY opinions - hehehe. They're mine. I don't think anyone has the power to change that. I just proved that I am really old.
About age, I keep telling people I'm 37. I forget that I turn 37 when the year ends. Maybe it's preparing the self for getting older.
I've also been juggling three jobs for the past 6 weeks. I have my daytime job, my after-work part-time job for my former Brit boss and I have my after-part-time-job business with my doodle web and graphics. It is a bit stressful. But I am actually enjoying myself. I love interacting with my clients. I love the opportunity to learn. I love love love what I do. Viking once asked me why I work so hard. I told him that it doesn't feel like work most of the time and that work stops me from thinking that I don't have a lovelife - hehehe. And it's no so bad. Not yet anyway. I miss sex though - hahaha.
(Wide grin). I'm not enthusiastically happy. But hard as it maybe to believe - I am happy.