Meantime

Was suppose to go out with ladyfriends to watch Superman tonight. I wanted to go because I am desperate for a social life. I've said no too many times. But just when I was riding a taxi towards SM City, my asthma kicked in. It had to rain. Temperature had to change. And I had to have coughing fits while giving driver directions to head home instead of going to the mall. Woe is me! Well, I'm not really into Superman anyway. Between man of steel and man of wit, I'd pick House anytime. For some reason, I seem incapable of gawking on boys younger than me. Hahaha.

Anyway, tension is subsiding.

Dad is out of the hospital. With strict instructions to avoid salt and sugar, which he immediately defies as soon as he stepped out of the car. He went to the mall today on this own, and then realized he was too weak to walk, and headed straight home. I wonder where I get all this stubborness from?

My pockets are now empty. Hehehe. So what's new? The good thing about not having money, is it eliminates the decision on what to buy first. :) So I sit here and be content with what I have.

Photo exhibit ends tomorrow and I am now ready to lose to younger classmates whose parents are judges of the competition. I find it fulfilling just to see my photos being displayed (18 of them) in a 15-man show (Hahaha). I overhear good comments about my work, and I beam pride inside out. It is so fulfilling. Still, I am my own worst critic. But that is just a passion for perfection.

The men at work, sympathizes with my asthma and lets me sleep for as long as I like. My asthma wakes me up early morning and won't let me sleep till the sun goes up. I needed to drag myself to work. I have lost weight. But I am being babied like I was a baby. The men at work spoil us, women (only 2 of us) by buying us lunch two times this week. Then, they let us order them around. Hehehe. I guess now you'd understand why I love my work.

In the meantime, I am home with season 2 of 24 and my current read. Anna Karenin just admitted to herself that she is rapturous over falling for Vronsky, a guy other than her husband and at the same time tortured with the guilt of it. Meanwhile, Levin finds hope in uncovering Kitty's unwellness.

Still I find my mind drifting off to Patrick Dempsey in a doctor's uniform. Hahaha. I miss Grey.

House Arrest

Usually, the house is my favorite place in the world, but I wish I don't have to be sick to earn the right to stay home. Sigh. I'm trying not to think of the things I have to do but I really can't avoid it.

My asthma started Friday. I think it's all due to a lot of stress. Yes, more than one cause.

My sisters and I have been taking turns watching my Dad at the hospital. He was admitted for mild stroke. Luckily, no paralysis. It all started with a temporary blindness in his left eye and a quiver in his lips which he could not control. So he had to be brought to the hospital for CT Scan. And some more tests. And still more tests. They found pneumonia. And a small brain blood clot. And my Dad is a difficult patient. He's all rough and won't feel a dislodged needle even if there's blood dripping everywhere. Sigh. But he has kept his spirits up and still laughs at his hearing loss, so ... we're okay.

I won't even mention about the financial situation. That one is giving me a big headache so ... change topic.

Finished a two-day seminar last week. It was boring and a lot confusing really but the food ... THE FOOD .. was quite a feast. Every meal, we felt like Kings and Queens. If you have to ask where, Punta Villa, Iloilo. For 2000 pesos, the seminar was well worth fighting sleep.

Since I missed two days of work ... three days including today, I look forward for the pile waiting on my desk when I get back. So, please God, get me well, so I could clean up the pile I'm all imagining on my desk right now. Hmmm, I think God heard. I'm coughing already.

Photography Class is ending. We will have an exhibit an the University Cultural Center for three days. Then after they announce the winners, we will be graduating next Saturday. I will post my pics here soon enough. I spent 8 36-shot films for the whole two months. I need to have my photos enlarged and meet the deadline tomorrow evening. Was suppose to do it today, but this damn asthma kept me home. I have a million and one things I have to do for the exhibit but I can't because I'm finding it really difficult to breathe. Kept conjuring fresh air in mind with a pencil as a magic wand but it doesn't work ... not like it used to ;). I know I should not expect to win. There are rumors that the judges are biased and winners don't really get anything except a bit of recognition, but truth is ... I want to win. And I know I will get a big disappointment. But I have my fingers crossed. All ten of them. Including my toes.

Okay, I'm babbling. One good thing about blogging, you can get everything out without saying a word while you're catching precious air. My Precious. Come to Mama.

not happy, not sad

Spent the past few days serving for a church-community event. It was tiring and the tension was high. Most of the time, we had to come up with solutions to something we could have avoided if the event was planned better. But, thank God, it turned out to be quite a success. I miss being this useful. Most of all, I miss serving people without expecting anything in return. So basically, I've been angelically good. And I wish I was shallowly happy. :)

Well, it's not a complete loss. I could always be shallowly happy if I needed to be. And I had fun taking pictures. I wish I could take pictures all day and not have to pay for it - bwahahaha. Photography is such an expensive art. And though I can't exactly say YET that I am suffering for my art, I know I will get there sooner or later.

I'm back to the nitty-gritty. Tired. Sleepy. and almost broke. But I am at peace. That should count for something, right? At peace with the world. At peace with me. At peace with God. As a friend said during worship, I am not yet happy ... but I know I am no longer sad.

Kill me now

I don't know if it's watching too much of Grey's Anatomy or House, but the thing is ... I think something's wrong with me. It's all I think about. And the funny thing is, I can't even talk about it. Well, not entirely true. Made a desperate phone call to a friend and got sympathy and amusement. At least that diminished the desperation to a mediumly bearable non-exploding amount.

Sent message to the Crow. He responded with a phone call that I never answered. I know I'm going to kick myself for not answering ... but I'm sticking to my stubborness and my naivete ... that the right guy will come. Letter to self when I reach 40: I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!

If you had a choice, would you rather be angelically good? Or would you rather be shallowly happy?

Kill me now.