I have recently realized that I am in a position that when something breaks, I alone can fix it and when I find myself ill-equipped or unready for the challenge, I panic. Sometimes to the point of a heart attack - well- almost - but not quite.
I don't know why I expect so much of myself. I don't know why I am hard so hard myself. Maybe I just want to be able to achieve some things in this world and I want it too quickly, too much, too fast?
Now I'm just feeling lost. Like there's too much on my plate and I don't know where too start. Last year I started simplifying my life, got rid of some stuff I thought would weight me down but in the process, I started acquiring knowledge I thought would help me get to my next level. But then, they all sort of got mixed together and jumbled out - to the point that it's getting more complicated than simple. So much for minimalism. Jack of all trades, master of none.
I'm seriously considering taking a break from my business and just focus on learning. But I will lose my clients in the process. Or maybe that's not the way to go. I should learn to collaborate with others. Maybe I should just focus on what thing at a time. I am after all just human and not superhuman. Everything is just overwhelming right now and my focus is all over the place.
I should learn to stop and chill. Meditate. Take time to think this through. Breathe.