The worse thing about going back from a long vacation is finding everything just the way you left them. Hehehe. Not that I was expecting everything to miraculously change. Perhaps it is my silent wish to see my reality through different eyes after experiencing a slight change from my usual. But here I am, back at work, back to my huge pillow and my comfy bed, and my computer, Kimberly; yet I find myself needing. Funny thing is, I don't really know what I need.

Which brings me to wonder if there was ever a minute in my life that I was 100% satisfied. Looking back, there were moments when I was so happy, I thought I could die right there. Like when I'm floating in clear beach water and the sun shines on me without the glare. Or finding myself so relaxed after a massage with the rain cooling the evening air, and a love one's arm draped around my waist. Or hearing a small child do or say something ridiculously funny that you start to think nothing could go wrong in the world. And loud boisterious moments with friends or family where laughter never seem to subside or end. Rare moments dug up from old photo albums. But valued.

Quoting the viking: "The worst thing you can tell yourself is that you will only be happy if you get this or that. It's the greatest lie ever." That is sooooo true. I don't think man was ever created to be completely happy. There would always be one or two things you wish to be better. But we can't and must not gauge happiness with what we do not have but with what we do have. The truth of the matter is we have everything we need, if we only know what attitude to take. Of course, I am saying that from the point of view of a 34-year old office worker. I'm not starving, I have a roof in my head, nothing explodes here except my daddy's farts and I have family who drives me crazy (but that's the reason why I still have my sanity). If you don't have the bare necessities, then I guess you will always be in need.

I don't know what I need. Therefore I don't need. In the words of Master Yoda: Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose (stolen from Spunky Daisy's blog). So repeat after me, in manner of mantra: I don't need anything. I don't need anything. I don't need anything.


Twitch said...

One thing that I like to point out to people is that in a way the worst points in our life are a blessing that we should be grateful for because the happiest you will ever feel is proportionate to the worst you will ever feel...Have you ever noticed that only someone who has had something REALLY bad happen ever has something just amazingly good happen? Life's displeasures give us the ability to find pleasure in other things.

ilongga70 said...

Ah, the balance of life. For every reaction there is an equal and opposite reaction. I agree with you, but I really can't gauge if good sometimes equals the bad. But yes, it's the lack of something that helps us value its presence. Night and day. Yin ang Yang. Good and evil. Thus, happiness and sadness.
Reminds me of an argument about the exitence of God. Hmmm, should post that for posterity's sake.
Thanks Twitch.