I Hate it

I hate it that whenever I see a glorious picture, I wonder what you think of it and how you would see it. I hate it that when I read something funny, it reminds me of how you made me laugh. I hate it that whenever I hear this song, you pop up on my mind, like some infomercial I could not avoid. I hate it that I learned to appreciate God, more now, than I appreciate being Catholic or learning about Islam. I see streaks of white hair and I think of you. I hate that. I see a photographer in action, and think of you and I hate that. I hate it that I compare every guy I meet to you, and it's unfair that I can't find them attractive at all. I hate how a very short message from you could manage to turn my life upside down. I really hate it.

I'm dropping our conversations in the trash can. I'm taking your picture off my frames, your picture cards off my wall. I'm deleting your name in my messenger list.

But I'm keeping your email, your book and your camera. Soon you'll be a memory as you should have been for the longest time.

I'm through hating. I'm in pursuit of happiness.

of love and organs

Bb, my yeah-yeah friend sent me this message:

"The most interesting thing about heart transplants is that one completely loses his own heart and be replaced with someone else's yet still has the feelings for the same person he/she loves. This proves that love works in the minds of people and not in their hearts. Bottomline is, love is a state of mind. You'll learn how to forget only if you try doing so .." - Dr. Burke, Grey's Anatomy.

Hmmmm ... One does not completely forget love even if he/she tries doing so. Kahlil Gibran once said that love consumes itself. So even if the mind chooses to forget, the heart may continue to remember. And the mind will have no control of it. Even with a different heart.

This is how I see it. "Love is not a function of emotions but the decision of the will". I don't think there are any organs involved. Just soul, spirit, being.

Photo-Friday: Self-Portrait 2007

One last shot. Yawn!!!!! Nite.

V-day

From the Postsecret website.

My sentiments exactly. Am I a masochist? bwehehe. As I said before, laughter and tears are my two most favorite emotions.

I wonder. To be in a relationship, do you have to call each other everyday? Is it important to spend time together? Who should call first, the man or the woman? Is it normal that you don't find a need to talk to him unless you really feel lonely?

What Valentine's Day?

sister

My latest vector art. Created using Photoshop CS2, a mouse and a few hours of free time. This is my sister. She's 35 year old and a single Mom. I'm pimpimg her all over the world. :)

My sister didn't like the drawing. She said I made her look sad. I told her I just draw what I see. Now she demands for another vector with her smiling. Told her she will have to wait till I feel like drawing again. I don't think she'll like anything I draw. LOL.

If I have time, I'm going to learn Illustrator.

Marathons and pistachio

I'm developing a great love for pistachio nuts. They are quite expensive but I just love them. I would give up lots of junk foods just for a handful of pistachio nuts. Lets just say, I'm nuts about pistachios.

It's 3 a.m. and I just woke up. Have been catching up with the Sex In The City Marathon. Trying to watch all the episodes I missed and reviewing all the episodes I love. I kept wondering if my cynicism about relationships all evolved from watching that series. But no, not really. I realized a lot of it originated from my own parents' marriage. And I guess partly from the people around me. I was talking to office buddies the other day during lunch. I voiced out a fear that I'm not really wife or mother material. My boss assured me I am and that I'll make a fine wife. But I don't know. I can't even take care of myself. How could I take care of a husband? Much more a child? But he said, you learn these things eventually. It's like riding a bike. The more you do it, the more you become great at it. (Sigh). So I guess I just have irrational fears about marriage. Or maybe I just need to meet the right man. My right Atticus Finch. He can't be that rare, can he? Is he some mythical creature I cooked up from reading too much books?

By the way, I've been doing a lot of walking this past week. My sister and I have made it a habit to walk home for a certain distance. Monday, we made it from the Capitol to Jaro Plaza. Another day, we walked to SM City. Once we made it to Molo Plaza and once to UP. Sometimes, it's a 30-minute brisk walking. Sometimes, it takes an hour. It would depend on the shoes we were wearing that day. For most times, we change into rubber shoes and walk the distance withoug talking to each other. We get lost in our own world of mp3s. So yes, we plan to keep doing this till the rain starts pouring again. I love walking. This might be the only exercise I'll ever get. ;)

Been partying all Saturday. So I spent my Sunday as a vegetable. Watched TV, read my current exasperating read, The Undomestic Goddess which I throw on the wall once in a while, and tried to finish the Nude cross-stitch now going on its 3rd year I think. And I finished a website proposal which I will probably refuse to touch for months again. So much for wanting change. I got to go.