4.15.2011

Pffffttttttttt ...

I'm currently listening to the music of Ennio Morricone. I found out about him while trying to find the theme song for the movie "Love Affair" which starred Annette Bening, Warren Beatty and Katherine Hepburn. Anyway, I've been drowning myself in the wordless melody. Sometimes, solidarity with the right harmony could be the only paradise left in this world.

I should not be allowed to talk ever. I am an emotional eater. I'm also an emotional speaker. I speak what I feel and what I think. Otherwise, I will burst. But in the words of Stephen King, "The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of because words diminish your feelings - words shrink things that seem timeless when they are in your head to no more than living size when they are brought out." I should not talk. Whenever I open my mouth - my feelings shrink to nothing but just words. And words will never seem to to capture just what I have in mind. I hate myself when that happens.

But if I can't say what I have to say, I might as well put a gun in my head and pull the trigger. "God is cruel. Sometimes he makes you live." (Stephen King again). Sigh. This dark mood has to be attributed to the bad news I got. Sigh. I miss my walking buddies :) There has to peace when the music stops.

Maybe I should learn the ways of the Buddhists. I wonder what I look like with a shaved head.

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