Gabby and gab-i

Hehehe. I insist I'm not a fan. I will deny it to my death. But I saw him on TV this Sunday, and I tell you, in his 40s, he is still oh-so-good looking. Too good looking in fact that infatuation will just dwindle in a few seconds. But yes, people, I was so happy to see Gabby Concepcion on TV again - hahahaha! I know. I'm embarrassing myself.

We observed the earth hour by putting off all the light last saturday night (gab-i). Unfortunately, the electric fans, TV and computer were still on. Does this mean that we can never survive in the wild? Or god-forbid, in a isolated farm? Hmmmm.

Don't think you can keep me down here!

Bumped into an old classmate yesterday at the mall. We started talking and she happened to mention that she works for the Open University. I told her of my interest to finish college when she dropped the bomb. She said they're offering a new course - the one I've always wanted but one they didn't offer when I started college because the concept didn't exist then. She said that if I can pass the requirements, she will help me to process my papers.

I was excited.
I was terrified.
I want it.
But I can't afford it.
But a diploma at last.
But it also means school work on top of two jobs.
It means studying on your own for three years.
It means I will have a chance to get a better job or get promoted when I graduate.

Hay! It's the coward in me cloaked in practicality and reasoning.

Conversations with the Viking:

me: should I or shouldn't I? I'm too old to go back to school.
Viking: you'll never be too old for that
me: so u think i should enroll? i will have to keep my two jobs to afford it. So It's gonna take a lot of work. and might continue for three years
Viking: of cause you should
me: im terrified but I really want it
Viking: as long as it wont kill you
me: what if it does? then all the work will go to waste
Viking: true
Viking: but two jobs and then lots of work on top of it. Can you manage?
me: At least I tried right? Finishing school is part of my top ten wish list. I thought that if I can't get the other nine, I tried to get at least one
Viking: well right
me: and die trying LOL
me: the irony
Viking: the text on your tombstone: DON'T THINK YOU CAN KEEP ME DOWN HERE!
me: LOL. I like that one :)

Encouragement comes in the strangest words sometimes.

fathers ... and sons

I received an email from my brother with a picture of his son's medal. This is how it went (edited specifics):

D,

Markey received again yesterday his medal for second honors at W. The fifth straight second honors medal that he got since Grade 1. This is the first one I scanned and sent by email because the other 4 must be somewhere in the attic. The prize for second honors is a serving of spaghetti and a sundae at Jollibee. A treat I am sure that he will always appreciate because that is all he asked as his reward for a year of good effort.

Congratulations Mark and we are very proud of you.

Tatay

P.S. By the way, Miko was admitted to the UP College of Medicine and the results were also released just while we were attending the recognition ceremonies of Markey at W. As of now we are not sure if he is the only one from BS Public Health of UPV that got admitted but there were only 2 of them who were screened for interview. We decided to keep these little triumphs to ourselves but I sent this message to you just in case my boys will wonder later on if I really appreciated how well they turned out to be. Tell them how proud I am of them. All of them actually.

This happened a day after my own dad and my brother had a spat about a car. All was forgiven though.

But why is it so hard for fathers to tell their sons directly, "I am proud of you"? Me thinks that words sometimes diminish the emotion that go with it. But wouldn't it be nice to hear it straight from the source? Or maybe, fathers will always just be fathers, men of few words and big hearts.

Incidentally, we had a meeting just last night in my father's side of the family. My aunt (who will be celebrating her birthday tomorrow) related to us events we didn't know as kids. Hardships that they went through as parents just to get us through school. I guess my cousins and I realized, now that we ourselves are parents (and single aunts), how lucky we were to have this family.

In fear of sounding clichéd and corny, I say this anyway: I am proud of my nephews and I am proud of what a father my brother turned out to be. I am proud of my own parents and particularly, this huge family, who went through deaths, sickness, anger, huge disappointments ... but managed to stay true to each other despite of.

Freakingly Tired

I am. I was listening to West Wing last night while working until one in the morning. I suspect I finished a whole season just listening. I was listening because my eyes were on the computer the whole time. Looked up only when Mark Harmon, Allison Janey's new found bodyguard boyfriend was shot. Tsk tsk tsk.

The hazards of working alone. Carpal tunnel syndrome. Lack of sleep. Listening to movies instead of watching it. I am freakingly tired. You have to have passion in this line of work. Otherwise, you end up with mediocre jobs just to finish a project. And me, I don't want my name on it if it's just mediocre. Beige is my least favorite color - wehehehe. Nope, I don't like mediocre.

And I had to get up the next morning for real work. A bad cold is hovering around my throat. It's been hovering around for the last four days. Which is why I'm complaining a lot. I'm freakingly tired. I've been drinking water which makes me pee every 5 minutes but hell, I am freakingly passionate about my work and I will not do mediocre!

Maybe it's just me fighting ADHD? and succumbing to my OC?

The Viking wants me in Denmark. Makes me wish I were.