I'm Alive

Looks like I'm going to survive November after all. Felt like I haven't stopped working since October. It's been one project after another - and I know this should be a good thing although I'm already tired just thinking about it - I have a waitlist for December :) I am thankful (Lord, I really am!) ... but sometimes I'm afraid for my life. LOL.

People tend to think that just because I have lots of projects also means I have lots of money. What they don't know is that since I love making designs, I also tend to say yes to a lot of probono work. And tend to say yes to all my friends (and I have lots of them!) - and relatives - although I make them wait a lot too. I can usually manage my dudsonline workload easily but my day job got kinda hectic this month. People in my day job discovered my hidden "skill" - LOL - and keep passing me work that's not on my job description. And on top of that, I have to keep doing jobs that is really mine. Oh, and the IBM people introduced us to lots of ideas that I want to work and implement. And since nobody at work seems to be taking the initiative, I keep pushing it. So it's like I have five jobs.

I might need therapy. I need to learn to say NO. Or STOP! But how can you say NO to something you like doing?

Albert Einstein once said that "If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not to people or things." When I see a project, I immediately see a goal. So I don't really care if it pays, or not. It's just something to work for. And I am happy, and I get really excited ... at least to a point. When my body screams due to lack of sleep or my butt gets really sore from sitting too much, I lose that happiness. Then I get stressed and start screaming and playing stuff like Canon Rock - hahaha.

I still don't have a switch in my brain to turn off work when I have to. I've found effective ways to divert attention for a few precious minutes though. I blog, I take a walk, I have quick chats with friends (online now most of the time coz I can't leave the computer), and I watch short videos on You Tube.

Then I find muppets and Queen - love Beaker and the Mana-mana guy! :) And then I forget health and decide I can put up with the butt sore.

I wonder if happy people die early?



After attending the APEC-IT seminar and learning Nihongo in the process at the West Visayas State University last Thursday, I ran into my Yahyah buddies. Sweet surprise that one of then just got back from London. So ended up decorating the Foreign Studies Bulletin Board up to 9pm; we had a late dinner at Carlos just when they were about to close. Barely made it. But had yummy mocha coffee and Cardiac arrest Carbonara (that's what it's really called), and sharing bits and pieces about recent secrets and lovelife - a lot of haha moments there - I was refreshed. I have such sweet friends. And I love comparing notes on ... well, men - hahaha. Maybe they are just interesting species that we needed to dissect? Anyway, interesting conversations ended up into long hours as usual. I promised longer in-depth discussions on these - just really need to get through this month.

Today, high school buddies this time - had lunch at Afrique's in Smallville. Tomato soup, pizza, and side dishes of - what else? Haha, men talk. Oh yeah, and career - naks! I think our generation is really into self-actualization. Marriage is really not a priority anymore. Happiness is. Not the selfish kind, I think it's more the self-fulfillment kind. There is a need for balance in everything. A lot of giving and taking. We can't just give and give or take and take. We seek a partnership where we all have to give something to make things work. We can't be superwomen all the time. And neither do we want supermen ... although that wouldn't hurt - hehehe. And again, my buddies kept me company until I had to leave for yet another meeting. Again I promised liquor on our next get together - just really need to get through this month.

I really really just need to get through this month then I'll be ok. Unless a new wave of work hits me again. I have a waitlist for December. But I won't let that bother me today. Just need to focus and get through this month. One week to go. And the panic begins :)



God grant me the serenity
to accept that the web is not the place to vent out your tired thoughts;
the courage to back up every bad thing I say here and tell the world that I was just "thinking out loud";
the wisdom to filter every random thought, every photo or link before I publish it.

God grant me the serenity
to accept that clients will not care if you hold two jobs;
the courage to decline jobs when I have too much on my plate;
the wisdom to constantly remind myself why I'm doing this.

God grant me the serenity
to accept that my butt will hurt if I sit too much in front of the computer.
the courage to face deadlines with a tired grin;
the wisdom to know when to stop working.

It's one of those months where it feels like it'e never gonna end. I'm exhausted and wish I can just ... sleep all day.


Kapuy Kaayo

I'm back. Have very little to say for now. Tired. Sleepy. You know the drill. Here's a brief summary in pics. More pics on the other blog or my flickr page. Yawnnnnn.

Spent the first night on the TransAsia boat to Cebu. We left Iloilo at 6pm and arrived at 7am. Stayed tourist class so had a lot of fun. Saw this spot of sunlight peeping behind a cloud in the early morning. They say dolphins were swimming near the boat too but I missed that coz I slept too soundly.

Dumaluan Beach Resort, Bohol. We stayed here the second night. Lovely hotel room. And plenty of things to do. But unfortunately we arrived quite late and had to leave quite early.

The best part of the trip if you ask me. We stayed at the Hidden Valley Resort, Lamac - an hour and a half from Toledo, Cebu. Went swimming in the evening, enjoyed a farmer's rondalla concert during dinner and sang until morning. Woke up early to take pics.

Sleeping soon. g'night.


you're going to find yourself somewhere somehow

Been listening to Corinne Bailey Rae, "Put Your Record On". I'm sooo tired, I feel I just need to put my hair down :) Don't even have the energy to dance but the blues suits me fine. Me thinks I'm feeling more down than usual. Maybe it's just doing too much work, too many worries, too afraid, too less fun ?

Will blog more soon. Will talk more soon. Will be more noisy soon.

For now, I just need to chill.