Years Fly

The CROSS Tambourine Dancers way back ... 1997? I'm on the back row, third from right.

A friend of mine asked me to dance again for a concert. Now before you raise that eyebrow, let me just tell you that I'm not much of a dancer - but I can dance. I have rhythm and in my time, was part of a group who volunteer themselves to dance in public - hehe. And some people surprisingly think I can dance. It's one of my childhood frustrations - to be a ballerina, like my friends Emily and Sheila - minus the sores on their feet from wearing toe shoes. But no, I guess my purpose in this life is to work in front of a computer and not in front of an audience.

When I was active in my church group, I used to teach the tambourine dance to younger teens. It was a form of worship and prayer, and I like that I can do that through movement. Of course, I was about twenty pounds lighter then but I loved doing it.

So, fifteen years later, a friend asked me to do the same thing again, with a group, for a fund-raising next week. I said no. I couldn't imagine myself dancing. I feel fat, and too old to do those things again. Plus I was busier than ever - with three website design jobs and a waitlist, plus my day job - I didn't think I can teach, much more make time for practice. So NO, I can't do it.

Now, my BFF called me, she's a dancer too, and said that she said yes when asked because she was given the impression that I said yes. And she tried bribing me with cake and baked lasagna so that I would change my mind and go dance with her. Looking at my schedule, I was convinced that there is just no way I was doing it. I said I was not making any promises but that I will show up to help in whatever way I can.

You know how sometimes you get signs about things that pushes you to do things you do not want to do? The world conspiring - and all that shit?! LOL. Well, I saw Jennifer Grey (from the Dirty Dancing flick) doing a number in the show Dancing With The Stars. She's 50 years old. And she was as graceful and terrific, moving like she did 27 years ago. And the next day, Lisa Macuja decided to dance in ASAP - and I know she's much much older than me. Sigh. Made me think.

So I showed up for practice yesterday. They gave me a tambourine with the usual ribbons. My bribe - chocolate cake and baked lasagna - were pre-heating in the oven. And when they played the music, everything just came right back. Yup, I'm turning 40 and I can still dance. :) Serves me right to start thinking I'm too old to do anything at 40.

Now, because I still have a busy full schedule within the week, I will have two more practices before the performance (we used to have everyday practices for a month!) and then dance on Saturday with six other dancers. My only problem is buying the ballet shoes, and fitting in my dress LOL.

But I'm thinking again. And I'm having dangerous thoughts involving a bat. I blame my BFF. Jennifer Grey and Lisa Macuja. And I go back to feeling old again. LOL. Sigh. It's a cycle. I might need a new batch of chocolate cake and lasagna. :D

Nothing

In honor of Toto Mel and Ma'am Elvira Tabobo, my junior year high school english teacher:

I have nothing to write :) wehehehe.

he has though: Nothing to Say

Email Scam Spam

I'm sure you've received bogus email from people spamming your inbox asking for money in an emergency, or that you won in a lottery, or by some miracle, you inherited an insane amount of cash from someone you've never met.

The letter below was sent to a Photoshop E-group of which I'm a member. It goes:

How are you doing and how is everything. I like to inform you that I came for a program here in London but I am having a terrible expirience here, I was robbed off my small bag containing my cash and my credit card in a taxi when I was returning to my hotel room, My stay here was extended due to some important meetings i needed to attend. At this time am totally out of cash and I need to pay my bills at the Hotel and also procure some important paper work for the program I came for. I have contacted my bank for funds transfer, but they said nothing can be done because i will need to sign some papers before funds can be transferred to me here.

Please I need you to lend me the sum of $2,800, till I return home, I will need you send it to me via Western Union Money Transfer or money gram with this information. Name: Ramon Aguilar,  Address:- Mollard Hotel, Milton , Wokingham , RG41 5QG London , UK .

I am sorry for any incoviniencies this may cause you, I promise to make refunds to you as soon as i return. I have my hope on you please don't let me down, send me the informtaion from western union after sending it.

I am waiting to hear from you,

Kind regards
Ramon Aguilar

And here's the reply he got from one of the members:

Dear Ramon,
What a coincidence! I just happen to be in London on the same conference and staying in the same Hotel Mollard as you........ Not only will I be happy to loan you the $2,800.00 you ask for, but I will also advance you a further $10,000.00 in cash as I wish you to also enjoy a few extra days in the U.K. on holiday as my personal guest! To collect the $12,800.00 in CASH, meet me in the mens toilet of the basement parking lot under the Hotel. Be there at precisely 20 minutes past midnight tomarrow...... I will await you in the 3rd cubicle from the end. Come alone, as I am a bit shy, but assure you that I am an honest fellow and will have the cash waiting your arrival.

Thank you so very much for spamming the PhotoShop Techniques user group, as I would not have been able to offer you my hospitality without your request. REMEMBER, come alone and bring a large bag to carry the CASH I promise I will have awaiting you..................
Can't wait to see the look on your face when we finally get to meet, face to face..............
In all honesty and trust, I remain,
Curt H.

And a courteous response from yet another member:

That is very nice of you Curt. I couldn't find a local Western Union to transfer the money. Please give my regards to Ramon, when you see him by the third stall of the downstairs bathroom. I had thought of going to that conference as well, but didn't get signed up in time.
Andrea

 Hehe. Nice to have caring and helpful people in this group :)

The Litany

By Billy Collins

You are the bread and the knife,
the crystal goblet and the wine.
You are the dew on the morning grass
and the burning wheel of the sun.
You are the white apron of the baker,
and the marsh birds suddenly in flight.

However, you are not the wind in the orchard,
the plums on the counter,
or the house of cards.
And you are certainly not the pine-scented air.
There is just no way that you are the pine-scented air.

It is possible that you are the fish under the bridge,
maybe even the pigeon on the general's head,
but you are not even close
to being the field of cornflowers at dusk.

And a quick look in the mirror will show
that you are neither the boots in the corner
nor the boat asleep in its boathouse.

It might interest you to know,
speaking of the plentiful imagery of the world,
that I am the sound of rain on the roof.

I also happen to be the shooting star,
the evening paper blowing down an alley
and the basket of chestnuts on the kitchen table.

I am also the moon in the trees
and the blind woman's tea cup.
But don't worry, I'm not the bread and the knife.
You are still the bread and the knife.
You will always be the bread and the knife,
not to mention the crystal goblet and--somehow--the wine.
---------------

I saw this poem being recited by a small child in the Butterfinger website. I loved it and just had to share it. I also would like to be the "evening paper blowing down an alley". Don't really know why. I just do. Haha.


Sunday today. I need to do overtime work at the office. And I need to work on a website. I don't know what to prioritize but I need to do both. I wish I was the bread and the knife and not the house of cards :)

devour, deliberate, devote

I've been reading - or rather listening to the audio book "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. I started it right after a friend's bbbbbbbreak-up. Which goes to say I gave too many unwanted advice, narrated too many learned lessons and experiences before the book. So I found the book quite interesting because evrything I've been telling my friends about God, soulmates, religion, approach to life and depression were echoed in the book. And I said to myself, "Oh goodie! Someone actually agrees with me!" So I recommend reading it to women ... or men ... in their  mid-life who thinks they have seen too many bads,and have taken too much effort to look for the goods. It would be the journal I would write if I was as good a writer as Elizabeth Gilbert. And I didn't even have to go to Italy, India or Indonesia to learn those truths. They unfolded themselves in every experience and learned from everyone I meet.

There's that noteworthy part of the book about Liz crying in the bathroom while the husband is asleep. I went through that, only on top of my bed (er, no husband), in the middle of the night, fetal position weeping. And I heard the same words, "Go back to bed" - only in Hiligaynon - from deep within myself. And that it was the most practical thing I could tell myself that night. And I slept exhausted but I had surrendered myself to whatever comes when I wake up.

And don't get me started about my thoughts on God, heaven and hell - sigh - Liz Gilbert Knows LOL because I have those same thoughts - except I'm Catholic. But I would like to embrace God in all forms of religion. And I would preach that God does love me - encompassing, unlimited, unconditional. I believe God thinks I'm precious ... and I make him laugh ... so yeah, I'm pretty special. And you are too, if you can only believe that truth.

And soulmates. Yes, about those, let me just quote from the book:

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master..."

See? Sounds like me - only written better :)

I just love people who thinks the way I do. It just confirms that I'm not the only crazy person in the world. And in our similarities in thought, we also find we are unique - the one and only :)

I should write more about this but not now. My thoughts are somewhere else, between me and someone else LOL! Geez, I wonder if God plans to drop me a David, or can I hope? - a Felipe LOL :)

Read the book sister. You'll know what I mean.

The Sweetest Thing

I'm typing this in bed. While encoding data on a table last night I got red-faced and suddenly can't breathe. You know you're overworked when you get asthma attacks while sitting on a table writing. But I finished half of what I was suppose to do last night and collapse in bed when I got home. That was how tired I was. Sometimes I don't know when to quit.

So I called in sick and will be in bed rest the whole morning. If I get better today, I plan to jog at the boulevard tonight for some fresh air. I don't know if that's exactly the cure for asthma, but I do know that I feel better after a jog. I shouldn't have stopped running just because I was working my ass off. It should be a priority but alas, the workload sometimes gets the better of me.

I think the fatigue was also due to a very busy weekend. I attended one party after another. All I really wanted to do was stay home and work but duty calls. Binoy got baptized last Saturday and I was photographer slash godmother. We had a catered lunch at home and since kids were invading my PC, I stopped thinking about work altogether. I devoured Ox Tongue the whole day and nothing else. Gleca's makes a mean mushroom sauce so I just loved the tongue  :) Had a fun time with the family and family friends.

So in the evening, just when things were winding down, my cousin called and invited us to dinner at Olio because her parents were home from the US. So after a short nap, we headed to Smallville again and I had the sweetest native chocolate in Smallville. After brief updates on what's happening to who and who said what, we were in pretty light spirits. so we headed to Nothing But Desserts and had figillato and tea. And I got home full and very sleepy.

Determined to get some work done, I worked all of Sunday and finished a website by nightfall. Then I watched two movies - the ATeam and Salt. Was just about to call it a day when I got an email from a client with some web updates and I decided to work on it until about 2am.

The next morning - Monday, I was useless at work LOL. I was sleepy and since I finished all my workload the week before - I had nothing much to do but watch tutorial videos online. At least I was learning despite being useless and almost comatose. I had to work after six for a project - and that was when the asthma hit like I just swallowed a black boulder and it went right in my left lung. I turned red and well, wasn't feeling dandy. I took puffs on my handy ventolin and swallowed french fries to fight the panic of not being able to breathe. I know it was not the smartest thing to do - but it calmed me a bit. Food is quickest remedy to not feeling well - except when I'm combating acid. Anyway, I finished my overtime work, got home and collapsed in bed with my clothes on.

A friend just reprimanded me that I was doing all work and not enough love life. Sigh. If only I had an option, it would be all love and no work. And I know that would end very badly too. LOL.

I need to keep my balance. I suck at it.

Age of No Reason

When you're falling in love, the first thing that goes is objectivity. Next is reason. Next is common sense. And finally, self-control. 

- From the Yahyah Handbook Chapter 3

I wrote that one. 

Because love has no mission but to fulfill itself.

The Yahyah Handbook does not really exist. It's actually a collection of quotes from friends who had sudden astute awareness during long deep conversations or after a lonely pondering of things that are. That's why quotes like this should be documented on blogs before they disappear into thin air and before the lesson is again lost in memory.

Last night I had dinner with friends at Ramboys. It was a gathering of the broken-hearted and the recovering love addicts and love gurus. I don't exactly know which category I fall into but I was in good company.

The guys had a lot to say about love this time. They claim to have the ability to read women in courtship. They say they know when they "got them" - that we women are quite transparent when it comes to feelings. Hmmmm. I think this however does not apply to all men. Hahaha. Some are just a bit more dense than others when you say NO.

Anyway, one guy-friend said, and take note women everywhere, that if a guy likes you, he will do whatever he can to pursue you. That's the only way to know if a guy likes you. If he doesn't do anything, then he has no interest. Period. Move on. He says that women should wait and not make the first move. The word he used is  "Hunter". Men are the hunters. And are we the prey? Hmmmmm. He also said that the easier women are to woo, the less respect they get from the men who woos them. Or should I say woe instead of woo? So we should give them hell during courtship. Of course, if he loses interest during his hellish experience, he would not be worthy of you. Hehe. Hmmmm.

We agreed that doing something really stupid in love does not necessarily constitute a wrong. Sometimes, we need to be stupid. If for anything else, we need to learn. But sometimes, we just need to be stupid for self-preservation, for sanity and perhaps, for just wanting to be happy. So yup, we are all for stupidity ... but we are also for the wisdom of the consequence of stupidity. So cry all you like when you do something stupid. But be assured that it was your choice so take responsibility for the stupidity and stop blaming others.

All right enough. That is the liempo speaking.

There's more about  rebound relationships :) but that's meant for another Yahyah Chapter  hehe.

Have to get ready for work. Thanks friends. Had a good time last night.

Uh oh, it's my birthday

So I got an email last week of a job offer telling me they would pay me if I would write a novel. Nyahaha. I thought it was a joke but apparently they were not kidding. I said no - well, because a novel takes too much time to write and I'm balancing two jobs and a life. So I was hoping for smaller projects. So they asked me to write short stories - but of course my idea of short stories are the ones people write on blogs - teeheehee. I'm pondering on this opportunity a wee bit longer. I don't think I'm that good a writer but it wouldn't hurt to try. But then again, I don't want the pressure. So I'm sitting on it Ms. Editor.

Before the day ends, I would like to greet this blog Happy 6th Birthday!Yeehee!!! Woooot! Woooot!!!

I was preparing something sentimental for my blog's birthday but I couldn't get to it because it just got too toxic at work and at home.

So let's keep it simple. First, I would like to thank my writer friend in London who got me started writing and for awhile became this blog's sole purpose - LOL. Emphasis on "FOR AWHILE!" Then I would also like to remember my other writer friend in Manila who introduced me to blogging - Vaylazoo! - and now I just cannot stop. Third, I would like to thank all the bloggers I've encountered through these years that have inspired me to formulate my own opinions, ponder on my own existence, be inspired by their writing and just enjoy the chance to get a glimpse about life on every tiny planet in which they live in. And finally, I thank my very few (and I probably can count them with my hands) - and dare I call them - FANS - hahaha - for taking time to drop by and read, and leave comments. Your presence is greatly valued :)

And about that thing I planned for this blog's 6th anniversary. I decided to post links to top ten posts. My criteria for choosing them is ... I didn't have a criteria. I didn't have time to make a criteria. But these are just my favorites. Maybe because I was angst-y when I wrote them. Or maybe I felt the entire post was really really me. Or maybe it just made me laugh. And feel. And you know how I love to feel!

So here it is. My top ten posts.
1. What I Really Feel  2004
2. Morphing Into Spinsterhood 2005
3. We Finally Meet
4. My Room
5.Cruella De Butt
6. My Mondo Beyondo List
7. Proust
8. So It Is
9. Happy Birthday To Me
10. What would you do if you know you can't fail

of mice and men?

While my day job keeps me alive, it is my web bootlegging that keeps me sane. But I love both so I keep both.

Nowadays I have to drag my feet every time I wake up. There's really a big difference between working inspired and passionately and just ... working. I hate not being able to use my head when I toil. I really miss working for a goal that means something to me. I need a vision - wait - I already have a vision but pity that my boss doesn't think it's worth her while. I happen to think that it's a brilliant idea - and I'm not the only one. But she doesn't so life sucks right now. I feel like a walking keyboard at work - all keys, no cpu. I hate doing nothing.

The thing is, people scurry all over the maze at my day job. Some are hiding out inside dirty holes. Others are scampering in panic looking for a bit of cheese - which is quite pathetic to look at. I don't really know which is worse - the attempt to conceal or the blatant display of attention-seeking. I think people should stay still and keep clean. Like white mice, if you're clean enough, eventually someone will give you the cheese you need. If you know your way around the maze long enough, you will also know that those who work hard will be rewarded. And in a maze, there's only one way in and one way out - you just need to figure out the right one.

Ok, so I don't really hate my day job. I do love what I do.

I just hate my boss.

I wonder if I could adopt the puss-in-boots look and ask for better cheese?

Celebrity Autobiography

This is just hilarious. Look through the series. It's quite entertaining.

Eye of the Storm

So it's been a quiet weekend. I'm bracing myself for a chaotic week but I also know I have to stop being lazy. I haven't touched my freelance work folder for quite some time and started working on billing old jobs that I've put off far too long. I'm putting myself back at ODesk and I'm also following up loose ends that haven't quite made it to the finish line. So it's a start - a slow one - but a start. I decided that I will try to limit my freelance workload to 3 hours weekdays and 8 hours weekends. I plan to keep my workout routine for as long as I can. I remembered how I love running - so I hope that it doesn't rain on our Boardwalk days.

I finished reading the Niffenegger books my friend gave me. I read The Time Traveller's Wife a second time and had the urge to draw a timeline for Henry and Clare - something I wanted to do when I first read it. But that means I had to draw not just two but three timelines - Henry's, Clare's and the time travelling Henry's - which would probably end up with a doodling mess on paper. Her Fearful Symmetry is slightly heavy emotionally as all books dealing with afterlife and souls and cemeteries should be. If I had to be locked up as a spirit, I wish to be in a Smithsonian - or the Louvre. Wait, I take that back. I don't think I want to be locked up at all - dead or alive. (Sings aka Nelly Furtado): "I'm like a bird, I only fly away. I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is." Yup, I want to roam free. And if I had to haunt people, I already have a short list of people to haunt (insert deep creepy laughter here). I'll start with my nemesis (Nyahahaha!)

On the lighter side of life, I have found a new gift. I seem to be very good at putting babies to sleep :) I don't know, maybe I'm soooo boring, they just shut their eyes when I start talking or singing. Or maybe they find my arms alike a comfy spa waterbed. Whichever, I can put Tyo Mike to sleep with a bit of crooning and rocking. Of course, once you put him down, he starts belting like Freddie Mercury again. But I really like having a baby in the house. It's true what my married friends say, babies take away stress just by looking clueless and dumb : ) - No, I haven't changed my mind about marriage or babies. I'm too selfish to be a wife or mom. Me likes being girlfriend and Tita until death do us part. Treat me right and I promise not to haunt you in the afterlife - Nyahahaha!

Ok, that's it. Have to go. It's Sunday and I plan to land a freelance job by next weekend before I go broke. Fingers crossed. Ah, the life of starving artists! Haha.