No ... candid

I'm a planner and from a quiz I took during a project development training - I'm better when I work alone. That makes me a thinker. So I really hate instant assignments. And I especially hate assignments that I have no idea how to do.

My older sister has started this wedding planner business. I know I should be all supportive and I am all for that as long as I don't have to deal with people. That might make me very anti-social but no, I'm not really. People just terrify me. If I knew them well, I wouldn't have any problems but people I don't know and I have to direct in some way or another ... that really makes me uncomfortable. That's why I work with computers - they don't talk back. So if I lose my patience, I don't have to pretend to smile.

Anyway, my sister is planning a wedding for a friend of ours tomorrow. She was asked to provide someone who will "direct" the picture-taking part of the wedding. They already have a photographer. They just need someone to "direct" the picture-taking. Which I really feel ... strongly about ... as a very stupid idea. Why direct a picture-taking ceremony? Aren't pictures better if they are candid and very natural? Shouldn't it be the photographer's job to do such things?

Now, my sister, seeing my interest in photography - thinks I'm the right person for this job. Maybe I should see this as a learning experience since I do want to learn photography. But grrrrr ... this is ridiculous! And the wedding is tomorrow! And she just told me today. I mean, how hard can it be, right?

As I said, I hate instant assignments. And I especially hate assignments I have no idea doing. I hate bitching. But can I bitch when I want to.

Photofriday: Retro

I thought that it would be easy looking for a retro pic since I live in an old house. I was wrong. Trying to beat the deadline, I finally remembered my mother's jewelry that nobody has touched for quite a long time.

Used only for costume parties and special occasions that demands a special weirdness in the wearer - like our family Christmas parties, they come in quite handy. So we keep them locked up. I especially like the pink flowered earings with its matching ring. Haven't had an excuse to wear those yet.

This week for Photofriday Retro.

Now what?

Can't sleep.

Just finished talking to the Viking. He is off to get dinner. I just had coffee so I'm too awake to sleep. I wish I had his Que Sera Sera attitude. But the Capricorn in me feels safer with a back-up plan. But such things just can't be planned. Or must I surrender myself to fate or faith ... whichever comes first? "When the heart speaks, the mind finds it indecent to object" (Milan Kundera - yes, finally finished the book!) Sigh. Must learn to stop objecting and just go with the flow. Soon life will balance itself with the unbearable lightness of being anyway.

So what do I talk about now that I'm awake?

I got my lower braces attached last Saturday. The good news is I finally got rid of the mouth splint which has adjusted my jaw to some unseen angle. My dentist wanted me to keep the splint as remembrance since I've been wearing it for 10 months. I asked what for? Then tossed it in the trash. It never occured to me that I just threw away a remembrance of where a lot of my money went. But I didn't miss it enough to dig it out from the trash. :P

There is some face improvement due to the splint because I could see a sort of balance in my smile - which means I was probably having a slightly imbalanced smile for the past ten years of my life. lol. They say people judge beauty unconsciously by the symmetry of the face. If the right side of your face is the exact replica of the left, chances are ... people would consider you beautiful. Ah, the quest for beauty is actually a quest for balance. Aside from a prominent mole on my left eyebrow, I now have a balanced face. Grin. Hehehe. Call me conceited but I did suffer for it! Hahaha.

Except for the braces, I really think I now have a hell of a smile. Can't wait to get them all off, and it would take me ... sigh ... hopefully just another 6 months. Right now, I'm starting to feel the pains of teeth tightening and a wire grazing my inner cheeks and wounding it. I have to line cotton inside my mouth to protect my cheeks from wounding because dental wax can't protect them. But I have this ugly thought that I might swallow the cotton liining when I fall asleep. Eeeek! Again, beauty has it's price. Sometimes, I just can't see the point. Yet here I am right in the middle of the process. I can't really back out now, can I?

I need a good mouth by Sunday because I'm doing the reading for my friend's wedding. So the brace adjustment was not good timing. I need to learn how to talk without lisping by Sunday. I also need an outfit. I hate weddings. If I ever get married, everyone would be in jeans. :)

I'm hearing the damn neighbor's dog again. It's been howling for several nights now. And when it howls, it makes you feel like you're in some horror movie. Spooky really. Gives me goose bumps. So I hurry and turn on the mp3 player to drown out it's misery. It's too early for Halloween. Too early for me anyway. Shit! Now I'm starting to imagine things. Must think happy thoughts.


Had a good day today. See the sky just outside my office window.

Damn that dog. Must go to sleep before I start seeing things.

Photofriday: Conspicuous

Taken last January during the Dinagyang Festival. My first photo assignment with my Olympus SLR OM10.

Don't look too hard. They are all wearing black shorts. :P

Lightness of Being

I started this year thinking I'll be fine alone. That it doesn't really matter if I end up being married or not. Growing old alone doesn't seem that terrible and I relished the thought of freedom and not having too much responsibility. The only setback I recognized was that I really want to experience motherhood. I'd like to experience taking care of a child and seeing it grow. But that I was okay if I don't ever get that privilege. I was okay. I almost made it to the point that I was contented with what I have.

Then the world skipped and laughing with someone began as a leisurely past time. Suddenly marriage seems like a bright idea. That actually being responsible for someone doesn't seem to be too life threatening. And how cozy it would be to come home to someone after work and grow old with a familiar face on your bed every morning.

Then you realize you can no longer be alone. That half of you is already attached to someone else. That going home to an empty house would be more unbearable than a few more hours of work.

Then just when you've began to realize this, you discover that you have to re-learn to like being alone again. And still he doesn't understand why I find it difficult to trust. Go figure.

Babies have become a trend at the office. Everybody seems to be having one. In the last two months alone, I was witness to three fathers struggling with taking care of newborn sons. I feel kind of left-out because I can't take part in discussions about diapers and all the first goo-goo and gaa-gaas. But fine, I can deal with that.

Don't you sometimes feel that everybody is into one big secret and you're the only one who doesn't know about it? Aside from all the baby talk, I'm beginning to think there are no more great men in the world. They are either married or gay. Those who aren't have this big secret. And I don't know about it.

My greatest fear now is finding out that he never really loved me. That I've been actually fooling myself. And he was not really telling me the truth. Hmmmmmm ...

I've started reading a book called "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" by Milan Kundera. He writes on the second chapter: "If every second of our lives recurs an inifinite number of times, we are nailed to eternity as Jesus Christ was nailed to the cross." Terrible thought. I've been reading the book for a month and can't finish it. I think I'm going through this unbearable lightness of being. And it's not so bad. It's not good. But definitely not so bad.

If I sound depressed, I want to make it clear that I'm not. I'm in this unbearable lightness of being. :) And the truth is ... the reason it lasted this long ... is because it is bearable. Or maybe it is unbearable and I don't know it yet. lol.

Photofriday: Five

Hoarding a certain amount of coins they say is illegal. But I keep ending up with a bunch of 5 centavo coins in a drawer because I don't like to carry too many coins and they can't buy anything much anymore.

So when I gather too many, I string them into a necklace and send them to the bank. I should have taken the photo of the 5 centavo necklace too.

Praning

A friend of mine, BB lost her cellphone at a local hospital a year ago. A few minutes after she lost her cellphone, several friends from her phone list received a text message like this: "I'm in a meeting right now and in desperate need of callcard load. Can you buy one for me and text the number to me? I will pay you back later."

Being a trusted friend that she is; and this is considered a normal favor among us very close friends; five of her friends sent her a 300 peso load each within minutes. The few friends who didn't were nowhere near a store that time so couldn't get her a callcard. One friend, JJ, grew suspicious just because BB didn't say please - which if you knew BB, would be pretty abnormal. So JJ called BB's cellphone and keeps getting cut-off. JJ texted BB asking her for specific details - nicknames, places they have been ... but she didn't get any answer.

We learned later in the day that BB's cellphone got stolen and the thief had been using it to get callcard loads from her friends. She never made the request because she didn't have her phone with her. Her friends never got their 300 pesos back. So next time we ask for favors like this again, we have all agreed on passwords. LOL.

This happened today: My brother sent me a text message asking me for my name and bank account number because he needed to register it for money transfers. So I sent it to him. Then it occurred to me that it might be someone else using my brother's phone. And this culprit just might want to get my account number. Why did he need my name if he was my brother, right?

So I sent another message asking him for the date of my birthday. He didn't reply. And I was tempted to call the bank and check my account for unauthorized withdrawals. When he didn't reply for a couple more minutes, I called him. My first call was cut-off. Hmmmmm. On my second call, my brother answered, "It's me! Your birthday is (bleep). Your Dad's birthday is (bleep)." And then he laughs.

Correct password. Hehehe. You can't be too careful these days.

Jewish to laf?

Received this email today from Dave. Now I can't stop laughing. I just feel this is worthy a blog.

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review:

To get the full effect, this should be read aloud. You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds' means by the end of the conversation. This has been nominated for the best email of 2005.

Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees."
Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
RS: "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??"
G : "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."
RS: "Ow July den?"
G : "What??"
RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"
G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."
RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"
G : "Crisp will be fine."
RS: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"
G : "What?"
RS:"An toes. July Sahn toes?"
G : "I don't think so."
RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"
G : "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."
RS: "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"
G : "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RS: "We bodder?"
G : "No...just put the bodder on the side."
RS: "Wad?"
G : "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
RS: "Copy?"
G : "Excuse me?"
RS: "Copy...tea...meel?"
G : "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy....rye??"
G : "Whatever you say."
RS: "Tenjewberrymuds."
G : "You're very welcome."

Hehehe. Sometimes one email is all you need. =)

Work

I used to have time to go blogging when I'm at work. Now, the moment I sit down on my desk in the morning, I couldn't stop to think about anything else other than work - straight up to the last hour in the afternoon. Something always comes up - things to finish, things to start. And I have colored post-its that reminds me of what's next. They're sticking on my monitor like colorful banderitas on the eve of a town fiesta. I'm beginning to miss my ignorant days when I just stare at the monitor and didn't care what happens in the office as long as they pay me my salary. But now, I care. I want results. I want productivity. I want work. Okay ... now that's a bit scary. Is this how work-coholics become work-coholics? I have the symptoms. I'm now drinking more than my 1 cup a day. And I have 10-minute lunches after 1pm. And I stay at the office till 6:30pm.

The good news is I've stopped touching my computer back home. I'm getting tired of looking at monitors and started watching TV. Hehehe. Big change, right?

Anyway, things might go to normal next week. I've been taking classes on computer trouble-shooting every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon at this Korean Organization that offers it for free. Since it's free, they make us huddle in this single computer unit where we take it apart, put it back together and turn it on till it starts resembling the computer we have back at the office. It will be ending next week so that gives me more time to ... do nothing. sigh.

Who would have thought blue could turn into pink?

My sister and I got stranded on the mall across our office because of the strong rain last night. It flooded the mall driveway which resulted to people getting wet and lots of car traffic. We spent three hours walking around until we finally got a ride somewhere else to get a cab. That, after spending money on siomai, iced tea and renting a bunch of VCDs we don't have time to watch. Bad decision really. I should have stayed at the office till the rain slowed to a drizzle. I could've gone blogging or maybe read a little. At least I avoided getting wet in the rain.

This morning was sunny and no sign of rain or flood. On my way to work, I saw a strange sight: a large jeepney driver pointing a finger and swearing right in the face of a traffic police officer who was writing his ticket. The puny officer looked furious but couldn't get a word in. I found it funny. A lot of people stopped to watch. My sympathy is with the puny officer. I think he just embarassed himself to the public. A grown man bullied by another grown man. A word to those who aspire to be traffic officers ... you need to have a thicker face and a much louder voice to succeed in that field. In a place like Iloilo, drivers are much more fearless - hehehe.

My congratulations to my friend who conquered Zambu and came back with her passport and her pride intact. A little shaken but had managed to close her doors to another chapter of her lovelife. Ah, the internet has secrets that will never be safe to the naive and the hopefull. Never trust a guy who refuses to show his face and breaks promises. And just because he's kind and sweet and thoughtful, it doesn't mean he is honest.

Ex-boyfriend called to invite me to dinner. He wanted to see if it's okay with me that he's planning on getting married. HIHIHIHIHI! I said I'm fine with it. That he doesn't need my permission. He said he hopes we could still be friends. I said "we are". It was him who decided to make himself scarce because of a wounded heart. He asked if my dad could be godfather to his wedding? I said yes, sure, but he will have to ask my Dad who I know will say yes. He wonders why I'm okay with it. I wonder why he thinks I should not be. Now, who has closure issues?

The blue to pink thing? It's a private joke. No, I'm not pregnant. And I don't plan to be any time soon. Or come to think of it, any time in the near future. But who would have thought that blue can turn to pink. Hihihihi.