There are days when I just can't stand her. I thought that being five years older than me would make her more sensible - but boy! was I wrong. Being angry with her takes a lot of energy and it is fueled by all the things she has done in the past. Sometimes I wish I live far away from her or I wish she'd move. Maybe that will improve our relationship.

As I grew older, I've become more patient, more accepting ... but then, there will be days like this. When you wish you don't have to deal with her, when you wish you'd listen to yourself and done things separate from her, when you wish you don't have to face her so you would stop imagining giving her a punch that would collapse her face like a stuffed doll. Sometimes I think she treats her friends better than she treats her family. She is soooooooooooooooooo selfish!


This love-hate relationship between me and my older sister will take forever. I hope I die before her. That way my resentments will die with me. But for now, I breathe deeply and avoid her like a plague. When I stop seeing red, then maybe I could continue this co-existence that chains us both together because of blood.

You can choose your friends. But you can't choose your family. This is the only thing that appeases me. She will be there no matter what the same way I will be there no matter what. We are chained, locked because God just made it that way. But dammit! I got a right to be angry even if in the end, I will love her till she drives me crazy. I said this and I will say it again, God has a terrible sense of humor.


Manang K said...

i know the feeling-- i have four of them.

mellowyellow said...

Visit was sad but good, we both wept when i left. When all this mess is cleared i will stay, where ever he ends up, one room with him and i will be happy. Not sure if it is ok to add you to my links or not? You will have to tell me