Best Gift Ever in the Big Four-Oh!

My nephew, Paolo bought me a backpack for Christmas. It's big enough to carry my laptop, my notebooks, books and all the IT gear I tend to lug around. :) I knew there was something special about that kid.

Anyway, sorry I didn't get to post any proverbial account of my four-oh birthday. Rest assured I had a great time. They scheduled the office party on that day so I went there after spending time with the current man in my life - LOL - the guy on the right. Won a cellphone during the raffle while feasting on my favorite poison - Gilbey's Premium. Birthdays and Christmas Parties are the best excuse to get drunk at work. After the party, my friends and I went to Bourbon and had margaritas and did hand dances to unheard music. Then we went somewhere that involved peeing in the bushes, puking and a flat tire. Those I will keep between me and co-workers to laugh about in the years to come. But heck, I enjoyed myself.

So my life begins ...

Merry Christmas Everybody. :)

Gush!

My two favorite people in one place, one time, one picture. How about that! :D

awake

Been awake since twelve midnight. I think I just ruined my natural wake-up call.

I was working all afternoon and decided to sleep early. Since my biological clock just seem to need 5-6 hours of sleep, I woke up past midnight and can't get back to sleep. So now I'm just waiting for the sun and for my phone to to signal me off the bed.

It's Monday and I feel like I have to drag myself to work. I love what I do but for days now, it feels like I'm doing nothing for nothing. Nothing at the day job inspires me, no exciting project on the horizon and no meaningful tasks to look forward too.

Good thing that I have friends at worknwho is always ready for a good chat.

There are days when I wish I could just stay home and curl up with a book. This is one of them. Finished Stieg Larrson's "The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo" (the first book in the Millennium trilogy). Last week I read the "The Girl who Played with Fire" (the second book of the trilogy) and fell in-love with Lisbeth Salander, the computer hacker who solves crimes as a researcher for a security agency. I'm now waiting for book three: "The Girl who kicked the Hornet's Nest"which I guess would end the Lisbeth Salander and Mikael Blomkvist saga. The author had a plot for ten books but due to his untimely demise (yeah, I know, read too many spy thrillers), he got to write only three. I have a feeling I'm going to hate book three because there would be more intended for book four.

Stieg Larsson is a Sweddish author who died at 50 in 2004, of a heart attack. The story is sometimes quite violent but I like how he makes unexpected twists and turns of the plot. It never turns up like you expected ... almost like Korean movies. LOL. And I just love this Salander girl with her tattoos and her powerbooks and her boxing. I love how Larsson places secrets in his characters and the neurotic tendencies that each of them has. A must read.

Working Break

Hi folks. Been pretty hectic for awhile. After the concert, things didn't really stand still like I expected it,

My younger brother arrived with the future wife and we have exciting plans for their wedding souvenir which I will be working on in the next month or so.

Then I had family dinners which are a never miss bit occasions coz I have this one big crazy family with a great sense of humor.

And then I fell in-love with a book - but that calls for another post entirely.

Then there was this trip around Panay with my Coop. We went from Iloilo, to Capiz, to Aklan with an overnight stop-over to Boracay (I have a henna tattoo to prove it), then off to Antique and back in Iloilo in 48 hours or so.

I slept the whole Sunday and woke up only to catch the Harry Potter movie.

I'm awake quite early today and my mind is filled with work and projects to do. I'm excited again, a product of separation from my computer and my workload for at least a week. I needed that.

No deep philosophies to share today. Sometimes it pays not to think at all . The trick really is knowing when not to. And planting that idea in your brain so it knows when to stop. Sort of like Inception :)

Or maybe I'm still dreaming. Hehe

Letting God

I've been carrying around a lot of anger these past few months that it has consumed me. It's no wonder that I feel tired and heavy all the time. And what's worst, I think I was also responsible for feeding that anger or allowing people to add to it.

It's timely too that this Friday, we will be having a Reunion concert of the church group I so dearly love. No matter how much I question religion and its practices, I still believe in a Catholic God and I worship him in ways I feel is right to me. In the end it's all between you and you're God. So after practicing for the concert last Saturday, I realized that I can no longer carry this resentment with me. I needed to let God. Hehe. Good thing he is All Mighty right?

So after working late on a website Saturday, at 3am, I poured out all my anger in prayer. I felt I needed to cleanse myself of all my resentments. It was bloody. LOL I had a lot of reasons to be angry. But being angry gets me in more trouble now and it's making work more burdensome. So I'm letting God carry the burden for now. These things take time to heal but I will battle hate this week. I cannot forgive yet. That will take awhile. With all that had transpired, it may even take years. But I will try to be less vindictive. And I will be more patient with this person and with myself. God cannot make miracles overnight.

I feel so blest with friends and more blest with family. I have everything I need. I think I'm surrounded with a lot of goodness and goodness begets goodness. I shouldn't let negativity take the best of me.

For now, all I can do is avoid negativity. I cannot promise to be silent when I think something is wrong. But I will stretch my patience longer. And I will try not to let my anger rule me. I will let God.

The kids will be singing this song in the concert. It's my mantra for the week: LOL.



I know I sound boring when I get all prayerful LOL. Maybe we just need to rest from all the profanities for now. ; ) Profanity will not help my dancing -haha.

Waves of hate

It's been awhile. Everything just feels off-tangent these days that I couldn't find the time nor inspiration to write anything.

Today, I encoded data for ten straight hours without eating anything. I know I didn't have to do it but I was compelled to. Anger is a strong motivator albeit a dangerous one. I realized now how much I could do with that much focus.

I wish the circumstances or at least my motive was more honorable? No, that's not it. I wish there was less resentment but the events that has transpired during the week had made me emotional and rage was inevitable.

So I forced myself to sit there and type with just one goal in mind: the quicker I get the job done, the more distance I give between me and a certain person. That reward to me drove me hard enough not to stop or think about anything else but achieving it. It also helped that I was moved not to rest when I hear her voice.

I was in rage. All I could see was red. When it manifested itself Thursday evening, I cried out of sheer frustration that I CANNOT, WILL NOT, WANT NOT to be like her. I hate that she's spreading lies and rumors about me. I detest that we can see her hidden motives and others cannot. I hate that when she spreads these lies, we are not there to defend ourselves. I hate that she's making up stories about my friends and manipulates people to get sympathy but most of all, I hate that I hate.

Hating her has become an obsession. The sound of her voice irritates me. Her mere presence makes me want to smack her. I need to put as much distance between us as fast as possible. It's not healthy. And having this much hate does not make me happy.

How can I let this go if I know she's going to keep hurting me like this? How can I stop hating?

The Difference Between Then and Now

The Greeks have two words for time. The first is "chronos", which refers to the chronological time or sequential time - the time which passes our watches when we look into it. It's also the time when we look on our calendars and see Monday through Sunday.

The second is "kairos", which is the time in between - a time of indefinite period in which something special happens. I think our teachers back in the church days called it "the opportune time" - the right time for something to happen, the God-given time.

While chronos describes quantity of time, kairos refers to the quality of how time is spent.

I'm mentioning this because people around me wonder why I changed. Why what worked ten years ago may not work the same way today. Why I, who never complained ten years ago, suddenly became fierce at this point in my life.

I used to be meek and peaceful. Most of the time, I still am. But I am at this point in my life where I'd like to be able to say: I learned something in the last ten years. And the things I learned had taught me what works for me and the people around me and what does not. It has also taught me that I can change things and that in my own small capacity, I can effect change for the better - for others and for myself.

Yes, I've become more talkative than before - maybe because I know more than before. I have formed more opinions. I now know what I like and what I don't like. I know who I love and who I hate. If I happen to say it out loud now, it just means: (1) I no longer want to keep my silence, and (2) that I now know what I believe and (3) that it's time for me to say it.

E.C. White describes kairos as "a passing instant when an opening appears which must be driven through with force if success is to be achieved".

 I no longer want to be meek, quiet and pretend I know nothing. I don't know everything. But I know enough. I no longer want to wait for change if I know change is inevitable. I just want to be heard.


It's kairos. It's time.

Too early

It's too early to get up on a Sunday morning. I can hear baduy 80's music blasting from somewhere. A more muffled Christian music is playing from my sister's room. She's organizing a Fund-raising concert and sleeps with that music day and night. And Binoy is screaming like Freddie Mercury - probably from the medicines he has to take for his cold. That baby doesn't like the sight of a medicine dropper and belts his way to Kingdom come.

I'm on my bed typing this. For the life of me, I can't bring myself to get up even to pee. Good thing that I slept with Atticus (that's the laptop's name) beside me and I have a very thick blanket around me.

A mental checklist of things I have to do flashed before me. Let's see. I have a website mock-up to finish, a concert logo to design (my sister's project), two tarp layouts for the YE event, a birthday caricature for a friend - if she emailed those pics, and a campaign poster for a friend for the Barangay elections. All that in a day. Phew! Just thinking about it tires me.

It's cold -er. I have my curtains drawn and the fan off but I still feel cold.

My friends came by last night and again invited me to go to mass today. The bell is not tolling yet. But I don't know. I still don't feel like it. I don't think a priest's sermon will rouse me enough to do good today. I need a more deeper inspiration. I think I need Freddie Mercury. Or maybe a bit of  classical music. It will take more than Sunday mass to get me out of bed in this cold.

By the way, I just killed two mice with two separate mousetraps last night. You know, those white gel-like traps where the mouse sticks to and cannot move. Have to buy more of those. I'm running out of names to call those rodents invading my peace.

My nephew's room got flooded again last night too. When rain started getting stronger - maybe the typhoon passing - the roof in that side of the room burst and created a waterfall. Flooded the dining room and my nephew's bedroom. Sigh. I really need a new house. I need to win the lotto. I need to buy a ticket to win the lotto.

But alas, I cannot bring myself to get up today. Too early on a cold -er Sunday.

But wait, I have to pee now.

I Pray For You

My sisters and I are all single. Maybe for good reason. You will need to ask our ex-es for references LOL. Our friends sometimes call us the Wicked Witches - not because we are wicked just to be wicked. But we can be really hateful to people who have done us wrong. We tend to say what we think for starters, and can be very harsh with words. Or sometimes we can just be very quite - too quite to the point that the other person becomes dead to us that we can no longer hear them. I think being brutally frank is the best weapon against a clueless boyfriend. We hate being nice when we are hurting. We don't think it's healthy.

It's normal to be bitter after a break-up. I keep telling my friends that they can never be kind to partners who did something terrible to them and took advantage of their being "too nice". Sometimes you need to be evil to be kind ;)

So we were teaching this particular friend how to be evil, because she has a good heart - sometimes too good for her own good, if you know what I mean. Anyway, we might have gone a little bit too far with Evil 101. She's now singing this song. LOL.



Or maybe we have just prepared her for someone much much better for her?

Bygones to the partner. As they say, all is fair in love and war. Haha.

Years Fly

The CROSS Tambourine Dancers way back ... 1997? I'm on the back row, third from right.

A friend of mine asked me to dance again for a concert. Now before you raise that eyebrow, let me just tell you that I'm not much of a dancer - but I can dance. I have rhythm and in my time, was part of a group who volunteer themselves to dance in public - hehe. And some people surprisingly think I can dance. It's one of my childhood frustrations - to be a ballerina, like my friends Emily and Sheila - minus the sores on their feet from wearing toe shoes. But no, I guess my purpose in this life is to work in front of a computer and not in front of an audience.

When I was active in my church group, I used to teach the tambourine dance to younger teens. It was a form of worship and prayer, and I like that I can do that through movement. Of course, I was about twenty pounds lighter then but I loved doing it.

So, fifteen years later, a friend asked me to do the same thing again, with a group, for a fund-raising next week. I said no. I couldn't imagine myself dancing. I feel fat, and too old to do those things again. Plus I was busier than ever - with three website design jobs and a waitlist, plus my day job - I didn't think I can teach, much more make time for practice. So NO, I can't do it.

Now, my BFF called me, she's a dancer too, and said that she said yes when asked because she was given the impression that I said yes. And she tried bribing me with cake and baked lasagna so that I would change my mind and go dance with her. Looking at my schedule, I was convinced that there is just no way I was doing it. I said I was not making any promises but that I will show up to help in whatever way I can.

You know how sometimes you get signs about things that pushes you to do things you do not want to do? The world conspiring - and all that shit?! LOL. Well, I saw Jennifer Grey (from the Dirty Dancing flick) doing a number in the show Dancing With The Stars. She's 50 years old. And she was as graceful and terrific, moving like she did 27 years ago. And the next day, Lisa Macuja decided to dance in ASAP - and I know she's much much older than me. Sigh. Made me think.

So I showed up for practice yesterday. They gave me a tambourine with the usual ribbons. My bribe - chocolate cake and baked lasagna - were pre-heating in the oven. And when they played the music, everything just came right back. Yup, I'm turning 40 and I can still dance. :) Serves me right to start thinking I'm too old to do anything at 40.

Now, because I still have a busy full schedule within the week, I will have two more practices before the performance (we used to have everyday practices for a month!) and then dance on Saturday with six other dancers. My only problem is buying the ballet shoes, and fitting in my dress LOL.

But I'm thinking again. And I'm having dangerous thoughts involving a bat. I blame my BFF. Jennifer Grey and Lisa Macuja. And I go back to feeling old again. LOL. Sigh. It's a cycle. I might need a new batch of chocolate cake and lasagna. :D

Nothing

In honor of Toto Mel and Ma'am Elvira Tabobo, my junior year high school english teacher:

I have nothing to write :) wehehehe.

he has though: Nothing to Say

Email Scam Spam

I'm sure you've received bogus email from people spamming your inbox asking for money in an emergency, or that you won in a lottery, or by some miracle, you inherited an insane amount of cash from someone you've never met.

The letter below was sent to a Photoshop E-group of which I'm a member. It goes:

How are you doing and how is everything. I like to inform you that I came for a program here in London but I am having a terrible expirience here, I was robbed off my small bag containing my cash and my credit card in a taxi when I was returning to my hotel room, My stay here was extended due to some important meetings i needed to attend. At this time am totally out of cash and I need to pay my bills at the Hotel and also procure some important paper work for the program I came for. I have contacted my bank for funds transfer, but they said nothing can be done because i will need to sign some papers before funds can be transferred to me here.

Please I need you to lend me the sum of $2,800, till I return home, I will need you send it to me via Western Union Money Transfer or money gram with this information. Name: Ramon Aguilar,  Address:- Mollard Hotel, Milton , Wokingham , RG41 5QG London , UK .

I am sorry for any incoviniencies this may cause you, I promise to make refunds to you as soon as i return. I have my hope on you please don't let me down, send me the informtaion from western union after sending it.

I am waiting to hear from you,

Kind regards
Ramon Aguilar

And here's the reply he got from one of the members:

Dear Ramon,
What a coincidence! I just happen to be in London on the same conference and staying in the same Hotel Mollard as you........ Not only will I be happy to loan you the $2,800.00 you ask for, but I will also advance you a further $10,000.00 in cash as I wish you to also enjoy a few extra days in the U.K. on holiday as my personal guest! To collect the $12,800.00 in CASH, meet me in the mens toilet of the basement parking lot under the Hotel. Be there at precisely 20 minutes past midnight tomarrow...... I will await you in the 3rd cubicle from the end. Come alone, as I am a bit shy, but assure you that I am an honest fellow and will have the cash waiting your arrival.

Thank you so very much for spamming the PhotoShop Techniques user group, as I would not have been able to offer you my hospitality without your request. REMEMBER, come alone and bring a large bag to carry the CASH I promise I will have awaiting you..................
Can't wait to see the look on your face when we finally get to meet, face to face..............
In all honesty and trust, I remain,
Curt H.

And a courteous response from yet another member:

That is very nice of you Curt. I couldn't find a local Western Union to transfer the money. Please give my regards to Ramon, when you see him by the third stall of the downstairs bathroom. I had thought of going to that conference as well, but didn't get signed up in time.
Andrea

 Hehe. Nice to have caring and helpful people in this group :)

The Litany

By Billy Collins

You are the bread and the knife,
the crystal goblet and the wine.
You are the dew on the morning grass
and the burning wheel of the sun.
You are the white apron of the baker,
and the marsh birds suddenly in flight.

However, you are not the wind in the orchard,
the plums on the counter,
or the house of cards.
And you are certainly not the pine-scented air.
There is just no way that you are the pine-scented air.

It is possible that you are the fish under the bridge,
maybe even the pigeon on the general's head,
but you are not even close
to being the field of cornflowers at dusk.

And a quick look in the mirror will show
that you are neither the boots in the corner
nor the boat asleep in its boathouse.

It might interest you to know,
speaking of the plentiful imagery of the world,
that I am the sound of rain on the roof.

I also happen to be the shooting star,
the evening paper blowing down an alley
and the basket of chestnuts on the kitchen table.

I am also the moon in the trees
and the blind woman's tea cup.
But don't worry, I'm not the bread and the knife.
You are still the bread and the knife.
You will always be the bread and the knife,
not to mention the crystal goblet and--somehow--the wine.
---------------

I saw this poem being recited by a small child in the Butterfinger website. I loved it and just had to share it. I also would like to be the "evening paper blowing down an alley". Don't really know why. I just do. Haha.


Sunday today. I need to do overtime work at the office. And I need to work on a website. I don't know what to prioritize but I need to do both. I wish I was the bread and the knife and not the house of cards :)

devour, deliberate, devote

I've been reading - or rather listening to the audio book "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. I started it right after a friend's bbbbbbbreak-up. Which goes to say I gave too many unwanted advice, narrated too many learned lessons and experiences before the book. So I found the book quite interesting because evrything I've been telling my friends about God, soulmates, religion, approach to life and depression were echoed in the book. And I said to myself, "Oh goodie! Someone actually agrees with me!" So I recommend reading it to women ... or men ... in their  mid-life who thinks they have seen too many bads,and have taken too much effort to look for the goods. It would be the journal I would write if I was as good a writer as Elizabeth Gilbert. And I didn't even have to go to Italy, India or Indonesia to learn those truths. They unfolded themselves in every experience and learned from everyone I meet.

There's that noteworthy part of the book about Liz crying in the bathroom while the husband is asleep. I went through that, only on top of my bed (er, no husband), in the middle of the night, fetal position weeping. And I heard the same words, "Go back to bed" - only in Hiligaynon - from deep within myself. And that it was the most practical thing I could tell myself that night. And I slept exhausted but I had surrendered myself to whatever comes when I wake up.

And don't get me started about my thoughts on God, heaven and hell - sigh - Liz Gilbert Knows LOL because I have those same thoughts - except I'm Catholic. But I would like to embrace God in all forms of religion. And I would preach that God does love me - encompassing, unlimited, unconditional. I believe God thinks I'm precious ... and I make him laugh ... so yeah, I'm pretty special. And you are too, if you can only believe that truth.

And soulmates. Yes, about those, let me just quote from the book:

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master..."

See? Sounds like me - only written better :)

I just love people who thinks the way I do. It just confirms that I'm not the only crazy person in the world. And in our similarities in thought, we also find we are unique - the one and only :)

I should write more about this but not now. My thoughts are somewhere else, between me and someone else LOL! Geez, I wonder if God plans to drop me a David, or can I hope? - a Felipe LOL :)

Read the book sister. You'll know what I mean.

The Sweetest Thing

I'm typing this in bed. While encoding data on a table last night I got red-faced and suddenly can't breathe. You know you're overworked when you get asthma attacks while sitting on a table writing. But I finished half of what I was suppose to do last night and collapse in bed when I got home. That was how tired I was. Sometimes I don't know when to quit.

So I called in sick and will be in bed rest the whole morning. If I get better today, I plan to jog at the boulevard tonight for some fresh air. I don't know if that's exactly the cure for asthma, but I do know that I feel better after a jog. I shouldn't have stopped running just because I was working my ass off. It should be a priority but alas, the workload sometimes gets the better of me.

I think the fatigue was also due to a very busy weekend. I attended one party after another. All I really wanted to do was stay home and work but duty calls. Binoy got baptized last Saturday and I was photographer slash godmother. We had a catered lunch at home and since kids were invading my PC, I stopped thinking about work altogether. I devoured Ox Tongue the whole day and nothing else. Gleca's makes a mean mushroom sauce so I just loved the tongue  :) Had a fun time with the family and family friends.

So in the evening, just when things were winding down, my cousin called and invited us to dinner at Olio because her parents were home from the US. So after a short nap, we headed to Smallville again and I had the sweetest native chocolate in Smallville. After brief updates on what's happening to who and who said what, we were in pretty light spirits. so we headed to Nothing But Desserts and had figillato and tea. And I got home full and very sleepy.

Determined to get some work done, I worked all of Sunday and finished a website by nightfall. Then I watched two movies - the ATeam and Salt. Was just about to call it a day when I got an email from a client with some web updates and I decided to work on it until about 2am.

The next morning - Monday, I was useless at work LOL. I was sleepy and since I finished all my workload the week before - I had nothing much to do but watch tutorial videos online. At least I was learning despite being useless and almost comatose. I had to work after six for a project - and that was when the asthma hit like I just swallowed a black boulder and it went right in my left lung. I turned red and well, wasn't feeling dandy. I took puffs on my handy ventolin and swallowed french fries to fight the panic of not being able to breathe. I know it was not the smartest thing to do - but it calmed me a bit. Food is quickest remedy to not feeling well - except when I'm combating acid. Anyway, I finished my overtime work, got home and collapsed in bed with my clothes on.

A friend just reprimanded me that I was doing all work and not enough love life. Sigh. If only I had an option, it would be all love and no work. And I know that would end very badly too. LOL.

I need to keep my balance. I suck at it.

Age of No Reason

When you're falling in love, the first thing that goes is objectivity. Next is reason. Next is common sense. And finally, self-control. 

- From the Yahyah Handbook Chapter 3

I wrote that one. 

Because love has no mission but to fulfill itself.

The Yahyah Handbook does not really exist. It's actually a collection of quotes from friends who had sudden astute awareness during long deep conversations or after a lonely pondering of things that are. That's why quotes like this should be documented on blogs before they disappear into thin air and before the lesson is again lost in memory.

Last night I had dinner with friends at Ramboys. It was a gathering of the broken-hearted and the recovering love addicts and love gurus. I don't exactly know which category I fall into but I was in good company.

The guys had a lot to say about love this time. They claim to have the ability to read women in courtship. They say they know when they "got them" - that we women are quite transparent when it comes to feelings. Hmmmm. I think this however does not apply to all men. Hahaha. Some are just a bit more dense than others when you say NO.

Anyway, one guy-friend said, and take note women everywhere, that if a guy likes you, he will do whatever he can to pursue you. That's the only way to know if a guy likes you. If he doesn't do anything, then he has no interest. Period. Move on. He says that women should wait and not make the first move. The word he used is  "Hunter". Men are the hunters. And are we the prey? Hmmmmm. He also said that the easier women are to woo, the less respect they get from the men who woos them. Or should I say woe instead of woo? So we should give them hell during courtship. Of course, if he loses interest during his hellish experience, he would not be worthy of you. Hehe. Hmmmm.

We agreed that doing something really stupid in love does not necessarily constitute a wrong. Sometimes, we need to be stupid. If for anything else, we need to learn. But sometimes, we just need to be stupid for self-preservation, for sanity and perhaps, for just wanting to be happy. So yup, we are all for stupidity ... but we are also for the wisdom of the consequence of stupidity. So cry all you like when you do something stupid. But be assured that it was your choice so take responsibility for the stupidity and stop blaming others.

All right enough. That is the liempo speaking.

There's more about  rebound relationships :) but that's meant for another Yahyah Chapter  hehe.

Have to get ready for work. Thanks friends. Had a good time last night.

Uh oh, it's my birthday

So I got an email last week of a job offer telling me they would pay me if I would write a novel. Nyahaha. I thought it was a joke but apparently they were not kidding. I said no - well, because a novel takes too much time to write and I'm balancing two jobs and a life. So I was hoping for smaller projects. So they asked me to write short stories - but of course my idea of short stories are the ones people write on blogs - teeheehee. I'm pondering on this opportunity a wee bit longer. I don't think I'm that good a writer but it wouldn't hurt to try. But then again, I don't want the pressure. So I'm sitting on it Ms. Editor.

Before the day ends, I would like to greet this blog Happy 6th Birthday!Yeehee!!! Woooot! Woooot!!!

I was preparing something sentimental for my blog's birthday but I couldn't get to it because it just got too toxic at work and at home.

So let's keep it simple. First, I would like to thank my writer friend in London who got me started writing and for awhile became this blog's sole purpose - LOL. Emphasis on "FOR AWHILE!" Then I would also like to remember my other writer friend in Manila who introduced me to blogging - Vaylazoo! - and now I just cannot stop. Third, I would like to thank all the bloggers I've encountered through these years that have inspired me to formulate my own opinions, ponder on my own existence, be inspired by their writing and just enjoy the chance to get a glimpse about life on every tiny planet in which they live in. And finally, I thank my very few (and I probably can count them with my hands) - and dare I call them - FANS - hahaha - for taking time to drop by and read, and leave comments. Your presence is greatly valued :)

And about that thing I planned for this blog's 6th anniversary. I decided to post links to top ten posts. My criteria for choosing them is ... I didn't have a criteria. I didn't have time to make a criteria. But these are just my favorites. Maybe because I was angst-y when I wrote them. Or maybe I felt the entire post was really really me. Or maybe it just made me laugh. And feel. And you know how I love to feel!

So here it is. My top ten posts.
1. What I Really Feel  2004
2. Morphing Into Spinsterhood 2005
3. We Finally Meet
4. My Room
5.Cruella De Butt
6. My Mondo Beyondo List
7. Proust
8. So It Is
9. Happy Birthday To Me
10. What would you do if you know you can't fail

of mice and men?

While my day job keeps me alive, it is my web bootlegging that keeps me sane. But I love both so I keep both.

Nowadays I have to drag my feet every time I wake up. There's really a big difference between working inspired and passionately and just ... working. I hate not being able to use my head when I toil. I really miss working for a goal that means something to me. I need a vision - wait - I already have a vision but pity that my boss doesn't think it's worth her while. I happen to think that it's a brilliant idea - and I'm not the only one. But she doesn't so life sucks right now. I feel like a walking keyboard at work - all keys, no cpu. I hate doing nothing.

The thing is, people scurry all over the maze at my day job. Some are hiding out inside dirty holes. Others are scampering in panic looking for a bit of cheese - which is quite pathetic to look at. I don't really know which is worse - the attempt to conceal or the blatant display of attention-seeking. I think people should stay still and keep clean. Like white mice, if you're clean enough, eventually someone will give you the cheese you need. If you know your way around the maze long enough, you will also know that those who work hard will be rewarded. And in a maze, there's only one way in and one way out - you just need to figure out the right one.

Ok, so I don't really hate my day job. I do love what I do.

I just hate my boss.

I wonder if I could adopt the puss-in-boots look and ask for better cheese?

Celebrity Autobiography

This is just hilarious. Look through the series. It's quite entertaining.

Eye of the Storm

So it's been a quiet weekend. I'm bracing myself for a chaotic week but I also know I have to stop being lazy. I haven't touched my freelance work folder for quite some time and started working on billing old jobs that I've put off far too long. I'm putting myself back at ODesk and I'm also following up loose ends that haven't quite made it to the finish line. So it's a start - a slow one - but a start. I decided that I will try to limit my freelance workload to 3 hours weekdays and 8 hours weekends. I plan to keep my workout routine for as long as I can. I remembered how I love running - so I hope that it doesn't rain on our Boardwalk days.

I finished reading the Niffenegger books my friend gave me. I read The Time Traveller's Wife a second time and had the urge to draw a timeline for Henry and Clare - something I wanted to do when I first read it. But that means I had to draw not just two but three timelines - Henry's, Clare's and the time travelling Henry's - which would probably end up with a doodling mess on paper. Her Fearful Symmetry is slightly heavy emotionally as all books dealing with afterlife and souls and cemeteries should be. If I had to be locked up as a spirit, I wish to be in a Smithsonian - or the Louvre. Wait, I take that back. I don't think I want to be locked up at all - dead or alive. (Sings aka Nelly Furtado): "I'm like a bird, I only fly away. I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is." Yup, I want to roam free. And if I had to haunt people, I already have a short list of people to haunt (insert deep creepy laughter here). I'll start with my nemesis (Nyahahaha!)

On the lighter side of life, I have found a new gift. I seem to be very good at putting babies to sleep :) I don't know, maybe I'm soooo boring, they just shut their eyes when I start talking or singing. Or maybe they find my arms alike a comfy spa waterbed. Whichever, I can put Tyo Mike to sleep with a bit of crooning and rocking. Of course, once you put him down, he starts belting like Freddie Mercury again. But I really like having a baby in the house. It's true what my married friends say, babies take away stress just by looking clueless and dumb : ) - No, I haven't changed my mind about marriage or babies. I'm too selfish to be a wife or mom. Me likes being girlfriend and Tita until death do us part. Treat me right and I promise not to haunt you in the afterlife - Nyahahaha!

Ok, that's it. Have to go. It's Sunday and I plan to land a freelance job by next weekend before I go broke. Fingers crossed. Ah, the life of starving artists! Haha.

Pictures

I'm making up for all the lost time I should've spent blogging. I have been doing it sparingly but life goes on and does not stop for anyone. I have nothing much to say but here are pics for some quick updates.

1. Baby Pic- The new guy / toy in the house.. We call him Tyo Mike. :) Born two days after the elections, he earned the nickname Binoy. Dark but cuddly in sooo many ways. Grrrr.
2. Books - gifts from baby bro! Finished the Web Design book today. Love it! Recommend it! Must read! I wish all text books were written this way. School would never be boring!
3. Pug - the green pig who made it possible for me to leave for Thailand :D. Butchered him early May I think. Sold him for 2,750 pesos LOL. Enough for the elephant ride and a bit of pasalubong - hahaha.
4. My two remaining pigs - Dodo and Violet :) Dodod currently eats ten peso coins and will take awhile to fatten up. Violet is currently on loan with my nephew Paolo.

Attention Span of a 5 yr old

I was cleaning the mess in my desk this morning and found these:

A speaker once said in a seminar that doodling means your not listening or that you're bored. Then she singled me out and asked me if I was bored. I said "No" and continued doodling. I don't know if I insulted her that way because she kept calling my attention after that. LOL. I'd like to think I heard every word she said.

I think it's her job to keep me interested. If I don't hang on to her every word, maybe she just wasn't that good of a speaker. Haha - gina-justify pa! Anyways, I doodle when listening to people talk. Maybe I'm not just an undiagnosed obsessive-complusive. Maybe I'm autistic too. Hahaha.

I share this bad habit with a couple of siblings and several nieces and nephews. What can I say? Crazy runs in the family.

Quiet

So everything's been quiet and slow around here. I really have nothing to report because I haven't been really doing anything particularly important. Well, a few things here and there but no long term projects for now.

The truth is I've been spending a lot of time feeling good. LOL! I've been running/jogging a lot with my friends. And I have also enrolled myself in a gym :) I don't know if I've told you that before but I'm liking it. I like feeling energized after a workout. I like sweating profusely (LOL) and inhaling huge chunks of fresh air after a sprint.

Am I losing weight? LOL! A bit. Nothing drastic since I still don't want to give up my favorite food but I do choose what I eat. I don't starve myself but I don't reward myself with food either. I am still an emotional eater. But I am losing weight. Not too much. Slow progress. But loving it. Living it. - Us Girls!

It will take me more than 2 years to get to the weight I wanted. But it's not just the goal that is to be enjoyed ... but the journey. : )

Did I tell you that I have fabulously great, supportive and encouraging friends? I do :D

What I like about Bangkok

It's colorful.

It's creative.

Size matters.

Detail does too.

It's modern.

It's old.

It's quite and meditative ...

But fun and noisy at the same time.

Ahhhhh This is what I needed!

If you're good, I believe God will grant your prayers. If you are extra good, he will give you what you need. I love my vacation. I'm having fun. I'm losing weight - although that hasn't been confirmed yet. And I love love love the people I'm with. I promise I will make it a priority to save up for vacations like these. Next time, I wish the whole family would go together. What a blast that would be.

Will post pics soon. For now, I just want the world to know what a great idea this was despite the possibility of a protest, the untimeliness of the situation and the lack of funds.

Stop Trying So Hard

There will be bad hair days and just really bad days.

Yesterday, on the way home, I took the wrong jeepney. Then after realizing this and how late I was, I got into a cab that couldn't take me home because the driver needed to pick up another passenger. So he got me into another cab who had to drop off another passenger at SM City before he could drive me home. So finally got home late and started to change gear for my boardwalk run. I called my friend that I was ready and then realized that I had locked myself out of my bedroom. My keys, my money and my cellphone were inside. And I couldn't get it to open. So I borrowed money from my sister and headed off to Boardwalk. Halfway there, my sister texted my friend (since I didn't have my phone) to let me know that my Dad just sawed off my bedroom window so that he could try to open the door from the inside. Only it wouldn't open from the inside because the lock was jammed (probably because I kicked the door several times). So my Dad took his hammer and broke the doorknob from the outside. And that leaves me with an open window and a broken bedroom door.

On the bright side ... I ran 2.4 km, walked 4.8km and had fun with my friends that night even with bad hair :)
------------------

Was reading through my favorite blogs and found this note from John Mayer on his blog:

I'm living out of a duffel bag and a messenger bag. I'm taking photos and taking cabs and taking chances on restaurants that might be the equivalent of a Spagos or a Shoney's. I'm re-using socks. (once over.) I'm sweating on a treadmill. I'm taking cat naps while in motion. I'm you, only with a guitar and some songs that people can sing along to.

La lang. I'm just happy to  know  that he is re-using his socks once over. Haha.

Motivation

Started going to the gym yesterday with my yahyah buddies. It helps to do it as a group because we all keep encouraging one another to keep up. It's much more fun to get through the routines with a bit of laughter in-between. Not attending the scheduled work-outs means you stood up your friends which we don't want to do to each other. And having Cid Lucero as bodyguard helps a lot too.

Anyway, my friend Super Mama started a trend while we were gritting our teeth through crunches yesterday which prompted me to make a motiovational list while doing all our circuit training exercises. For beginners there are 15-20 counts through each repetition with usually 3 reps for each exercise. There are about 20 exercise for the workout program so it gets harder as you go along. I thought that instead of counting the number of times we grunt our way through a leg raise or a bicep pull, we should recite motivational words to get us through a repetition. They must be recited in order because as the exercises get harder, the stronger the motivation needed. So here's my list: :)

1. long gown
2. skinny jeans
3. tuck-in
4. pantsuits
5. mini-skirts
6. pencil cuts
7. sleevless
8. halter tops
9. spaghetti
10. strapless
11. sarong
12. tube
13. belly-ring
14. see-through
15. backless
16. tangga
17. swimsuit
18. two-piece
19. topless
20. nude :)

Feel free to adapt it in your own workout. If this doesn't work, I don't know what will. Haha.

Season of Good Rain

My friends know I'm a sucker for acoustic guitar music and great movies and great conversations. Combine those, add bamboos, rain and a cute cross-cultural love story - ahhhhh love it! The Director of the film was also the Director of the movie April Snow = love that one too. Anyway, reminds me of Before Sunrise and After Sunset. The actors had to switch from Korean to Chinese but the conversations were mostly English. It is better to get the movie with subs because there are words you they pronounce thats better read :) Likey very much.


This is my third Jung Woo Sung movie. The first one was devine but heart breaking called A Moment To Remember. 

The second one was a re-make of The Good, the Bad and the Ugly but was called "The Good, The Bad and the Weird" of which he won an award as Best Supporting Actor. I did think he wasn't bad at all considering that he had to be compared to Charles Bronson and Dirty Harry : )

Must watch.

Bored - walk

I haven't been blogging much. Sometimes I get caught up with work that I can't remember to post anything. Other times, I find myself having a very slow week with nothing to do and so end up with no topics to post. I remembering that there was a time when I forced myself to write even if I had nothing to write. It's a writing exercise that once you get started, you will soon get to a topic and it will begin a chain of thought that ends up on you blabbering yourself away to kingdom come. Which is why I'm posting today. I've been neglecting this blog far too long.

So what have I been up to? I've been walking in Boardwalk. If you live in Iloilo, you would have heard about the bike lane in Boardwalk.

It's a 1+ kilometer of concrete road alongside the Iloilo River - sort of like the sidewalk in Manila Bay. It begins perpendicular to the Marcos highway and ends on the smaller Tabucan Road. It started as a bike lane. But in the afternoons up to late into the night, it has become a hotspot for healthbuffs and hangout enthusiasts. After office hours, it gets populated with bicycles, street vendors, joggers, motorcycles at controlled speed, strollers, skateboarderss, waveboarderss, skaters, taebo and belly dancing groups right in the middle of the road. It's colorful. Not exactly an ideal place to jog if you are a serious jogger. But it's free and conveniently located right in the center of the hub. Walking distance to Smallville, UP, the real Boardwalk establishments and a short ride to SM City - the one stop shop.

My friends and I have started joining the taebo class - if schedule permits it - at sevenish or 6:30ish in the evening. To support the program, you can drop any amount in the basket they pass around to pay for the trainor and the sound system. Good business if you ask me. It's also a sight to see because people of all ages and all walks of life converge into a dance routine together. I find it enjoyable to watch. There are several older people there who memorized the routine way better than the trainor does which is funny. There are kids jumping up and down together with their moms. And there's us who just wants any excuse to dance and sweat off. My friends and I have started walking at least 3 times a week. While the guys jog, the girls walk back and forth along the road while updating ourselves with the latest gossip and talk about what's happening in our lives. The talk is just as much therapy as the exercise. So by the time we finish, we had a bit of exercise and a bit of fun for two hours.

Hmmm, the post is longer than I expected. I have to go now. Next time, I'll talk about murder - hehehe. I butchered another pig. Will tell you about that later. Or maybe tomorrow. I'm off.

Beauty

I've spent the whole afternoon editing pictures of a beautiful girl to make her picture perfect. As I was doing it, I started to reflect on the body's imperfections and started to love every wrinkle in my face - LOL. I know I would like to be younger, more healthy. more fit and YES, have the body of an image model - or at least her height. But I also realize that every wrinkle in my face represents the bit of wisdom I've acquired through the years. And every scar is a token of somethings survived or a reminder of a past mistake I promised not to do again (but end up doing again anyway LOL). I'm glad this model needed a make-over. Her wrinkles, though I had to hide them, revealed what she had gone through and survived. Makes her more human that way. Makes her more like me - well, maybe a hundred pounds lighter LOL.

While doing this job, I argued with myself a lot. It goes with the territory if you're working alone freelancing. I wanted her to be beautiful. But I also wanted her to be real. A smudge can make so much difference in Photoshop. But do I really want to smudge it there? I know people like looking good. I just wonder if people ever thought that being real is so much better? I follow a lady photographer's blog, and the pictures I really like are the ones where it doesn't hide the person's flaws but it's the flaws themselves that adds beauty to the picture. That's why I really like portrait photography and like to draw people. There's a story behind every line.

Speaking of stories, had client meetings during the week. Talked to a new client, a black British businessman. I usually talk to foreign clients over email and IM or Skype. Most of the time, I just meet up with my local clients to talk of projects or make a pitch. This guy was here for business so I got to talk to him without having to type my words. Which was weird.  I realized I was less nervous speaking to foreigners than I was speaking to my local clients. And I was not intimidated at all. Which was also weird because I always tell my friends that foreign clients tend to give me more stress than my local clients. Maybe because they demand so much? Not true really. Maybe I just give more pressure to myself with foreign clients than with local ones. Is it because they pay more? That's not true either. Maybe in my mind, there are more opportunities with them when it comes to service? One thing I know, this business is broadening my horizons quite a bit. And I like having a better view of the world from where I'm at.

I should blog more. But I've been busy. That's not really an excuse but can't help it. I have very little to say nowadays. Well, that's not really true. I have plenty to say. I just don't say it here quite as often as I should. I'm currently trying to give my life more balance. It's a struggle but it might result to less time with the computer and more time with reality. ; )

Fall In Love 18 Times

I know I post a lot of movies, books and TV series in this blog. But when I do, it's because it's totally worth a post. Paris Je T'aime is a movie of a series of short movies from various artistic directors all different locations of Paris, France and with an impressive cast that describes Paris and love in a very entertaining and creative way. Love the scripts. All of them just ... leaves you thinking, a lot of them ironic but quite lovely. Think "Love Actually" only three times better.

The Americans made their own version with "New York I Love You ". Saw that one too and liked it too but it pales in comparison to Paris Je T'aime. This is a good way to end the weekend.

I started the weekend by watching "Lovely Bones" which was a bad idea because the power keeps going out and kept me in suspense for several hours. Just when you get to the best part, the power goes off and then had to wait until I see the rest of the movie. Because I haven't reached the redemption part of the movie, the scenes kept appearing in my dreams and I would wake up sweating and disturbed. That is why I don't watch horror movies at night. And if I do watch suspense thrillers, I have to see the villain dead or the victim avenged, otherwise - my mind won't give me peace until justice was served ... even if it was just a movie. So after a disturbing Saturday, Paris was a refreshing change.

Anyway, worked all day and rewarded myself with Paris. Perfect ending to a slow weekend.

I LOVE THIS SHIT! Je sentir vivante!

Year of the Tiger is Eye of the Tiger?

It wasn't much of a day-off but I managed to stay away from the PC and just watched TV and relaxed a bit. I had another frantic month and after finishing a website, an annual and a talk with just a 3-day preparation, I finally got a day off yesterday. I spent it doing another passion of mine ... movies ... very good movies ... very disturbing but poignant movies :)

One particular movie that's been circling my mind hours after the credits were over is this Agentinian film that won Best Foreign Language Film in the Oscar's recently: The Secret in Their Eyes (El Secreto de Sus Ojos). MUST WATCH! Left quite an impression on me. One line which strikes me (translated of course to English) goes: "Men cannot change one thing about them. They can change how they look, where they live, but they cannot change their passions." The line just resonates :) I kinda like the idea that there is a bit of predictability in people. I'm not a person for surprises; although I do love the good-natured pranks once in a while. But one reason I love to make programs is because they can be predictable or solved or structured. People are not like that - in a good way. I like that humans have choices and sometimes make those choices, without thought, without plans, with just the expression of the self. Ok enough. Dalum na. Just watch the movie. Love it love it love it!

I have trouble looking people in the eye. It's a habit I formed after being shouted at by a very gay professor back in college in front of faculty - long story LOL. Traumatic experience that left me with a shattered ego and an inability to look at my superiors in the eye. It has become a habit. Just last year, I observed how a mentor would look us in the eye to get a point through. He said that you have to look people in the eye when you toast because if you don't, you will have 100 years of bad sex. LOL. I don't believe that but hey, that made me look at people in the eye when I toast. And just a few weeks ago, it was Anthony Pangilinan who taught us a trick of connecting with people - look them in the eye when you talk. Connect-shift, Connect, shift.It takes practice he said. I haven't made a conscious effort but I want to re-learn that. I want to be able to look people in the eye. Connect. I've been looking at computer monitors far too long. I don't want to live with my shattered ego hehe. I think I have managed to prove to myself that I'm not useless after all. I should add that to my To Do List. LOOK PEOPLE IN THE EYES.

To end, here's a list of Oscar movies you must must must see. I saw them and they were all good.

Avatar (best art direction, cinematography among others)
The Blind Side (Sandra Bullock, best actress in a leading role)
Coraline (nominated, animated feature film)
An Education (love it, nominated for best adapted screenplay)
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (well f=of course, nominated for cinematography)
The Hurt Locker (hot actor in a leading role - haha. Worthy of best direction Oscar)
Inglorious Basterds (worthy of best supporting actor Oscar, funny but disturbing plot, great director)
Invictus (love the story, love Nelson Mandela)
Julie and Julia (not quite impressed with the story but Meryl Streep is impressive as Julia Fairchild - she really gets it!)
The Messenger (worthy to be nominated for best original screenplay; great story)
Precious (Mo'nique is ... wow!)
The Secret in Their Eyes (Love the beard?! Hahaha! Great!)
A Serious Man (Hmmm, disturbing, don't quite get it though)
Sherlock Holmes (Best Sherlock Holmes movie ever!!!!)
Up (two thumbs up)
Up In The Air (if you can look beyond the lovely George Clooney, a lot more is to be appreciated and loved)
The White Ribbon - (disturbing. both love it and hate it)
The Young Victoria (worthy of best costume design)
Bright Star (The John Keats movie)

And here are some more non-Oscar films you also must watch:
Memento (great disturbing movie)
New York I Love You
Sin Nombre
Valentine's Day (what?! I love corny romantic flicks sometimes too)
Daybreakers (Very Hancock but with a twist)

I think I have two or three more but I can't remember the titles. I will post those later.

Oh, and if you get the chance to watch the latest episodes of House, the Office and the Criminal Minds :0 - you will forget that you need a social life too. :)

Will have events to go next week. This weekend, I intend to stay home and just chill.

This is Jim Checking In

I've been busy. No, actually I've been living in an insanely chaotic frenzy. Yup, that's the best way to describe it. I feel so tired and a bout of asthma just attacked me today while I was in the middle of giving a training. I was coughing my way to kingdom come between words and drowned the cough with water to silence it. So, I hope thing will get better tomorrow. Sigh.

I wanted to blog about the books lining up in my bedside waiting for me to read but they remain untouched since December. I wanted to blog about the books my friends sent that I haven't even picked up because ... as I said, I'm in chaos.

I wanted to blog about Anthony Pangilinan (blink blink blink) whose training on Knockout Presentations I attended last Saturday and whose inputs I sooooo highly value. I wanted to tell the world how lovely and entertaining he was and how great his topics were. I wanted to blog that he will give the same talk in Kalibo this Saturday at Sampaguita Gardens and want to convince everyone in Kalibo to attend his talk because it is soooooo worth it.

I wanted to blog about my poet-friend's digital artshow and how cool it was. And that you can still catch it at the new art gallery in the Old Provincial Capitol.

I wanted to blog about the termites attacking my home and that I'm waiting for my house to fall down on my head any time now.

I wanted to kick my dad's ass - I still do - and I wanted to blog about that too, but I do love my Dad no matter how much I want to kick his ass; But GRRRRRRRR, let me just say that.

I wanted to blog about power problems we had at the office (for three weeks) and how it affected work productivity. I mean we never realized how important air-conditioning was until we lost it. And that dang heat immobolized us as effectively as a stun gun would.

I wanted to blog about how stressed I am at work because I'm the only female and the lonesome Admin Support- although I do forget that I'm female most of the time. I wanted to talk about how my best friend wanted to stop my co-workers from calling me, "Parts!" (short for partner) because it's a guy's buddy term. How I pointedly answered that I can't exactly ask them to call me "Girl!" or they would sound gayer than Dinagyang flaglettes.

I wanted to write about the wonderful movies I watched while resting on my back. To name a few: Hurt Locker, It's Complicated, An Education, Invictus, The Messenger among others.

I wanted to write about my new website project which I really like and that I'm working with two cool guys where I can say anything that comes into my head and they can roll with it and that they have the courage to disagree with me - hehe.

I wanted to bitch about the heat, and the lack of funds and the need to get more sleep. I want to bitch about not having enough time to work on my own new website design which I hope to get online by tomorrow.

I wanted to blog about ... hahaha - the highlight of my year but I will keep that one between me and my best friend  :) (blink blink blink)

I've been neglecting this blog far too long and I just wanted to check in so my friends will know I'm still alive. Anyway, while thinking of a title I remembered a quote in this story in my younger years that goes:

I JUST CAME AGAIN TO TELL YOU, LORD, HOW HAPPY I'VE BEEN, SINCE WE FOUND EACH OTHER'S FRIENDSHIP AND YOU TOOK AWAY MY SIN. DON'T KNOW MUCH OF HOW TO PRAY, BUT I THINK ABOUT YOU EVERYDAY. SO, JESUS, THIS IS JIM CHECKING IN."

That's how I pray everyday.

I'm tired. But beautiful - HAHAHA! So this is me checking in. :)

Death by chocolate again

There are days when being the primary bread winner in the family is so much like carrying an anvil in a backpack while trekking through ice in Antartica. I'm having one of those days. A quick death would be relief. Life is giving me a major headache right now. It shouldn't be this hard and burdensome. I shouldn't be feeling this tired. I should have more fun.

A friend of mine and I were talking about death the other day. How we are soooo ready for it. I told her that feeling like this might not be a healthy thing psychologically. It's like we have a death wish and we're daring it to happen. At this point, I really don't care. I have done things I wanted to do. My goals in life are simple. My wishes that haven't been achieved will happen when they happen. I don't want to depend my happiness on them happening because I'm not very good with disappointment. If I should die today, what happens after that will not be my problem. They can just burn my body in a big can and scatter my ashes in the front yard. I have left an unsophisticated written will somewhere in my dairy because Neil Gaiman says it's important to do so. I don't have much so there's nothing much to give away. I also have left instructions on how to deal with whatever things I may left hanging. I'm good to go. So is there's really something seriously wrong with me if I do this?

My friend and I agreed that we will both be very good this year on the premise that good people die young (smirk).  We will try to be good. We will be sooo good that sana kunin na kami ni Lord. I know. It's depressing and morbid. But so was Catcher in the Rye by the late J.D. Salinger but everyone loved it.

Do I care if I go to hell or heaven? Hell, yeah! But I also believe in a forgiving God. And I haven't done anything remotely sinful since I stopped attending mass. Okay, let me rephrase that - nothing on the list of the ten commandments. Okay - that's not necessarily true either - LOL. Let's just say that with the things I've done, God will send me to where I truly deserve to be. I believe in a just God at the very least.

This depressing post is brought yo you by the movies Hurt Locker, It's Complicated, The Blind Side and Up In The Air - very good movies by the way. And by Hershey kisses too.This is something chocolate can cure. Sigh. Mom said there will be days like this.

Dinagyang Part 2

I posted my Dinagyang pics on four of my social networking sites. Each site contains different pics so everyone can have a taste of the different tribes. I will post the links to the other sites as soon as I can upload all of them. All pics were taken with my six years old (?) Canon point and shoot.

Links to other Dinagyang pics posts:
Taga-Iloilo
Flickr
Deviant Art

Last Dinagyang?

It's unlike me to not talk about anything under the sun for more than a week. It's also unlike me to leave my blog unattended for more than a week. But things have been kinda hectic and I'm going through battles with self-pity because I'm overworked, have not slept much and feel more stressed out than I would care to admit. So I took time to address those so I could get back to normal or some semblance of normalcy. I still need a real vacation - one that doesn't let me think of work even in my sleep. But I guess, unless I'm not in some foreign or far away place, that will ever happen. So Lord God and the universe that makes dreams come true, please grant me a vacation to Thailand this year - bwahahaha! I know I need it.

I've been helping out as part of the Dinagyang Committee in Stage 3 Judging Area for the last five years - I think.It started out by volunteering to design the tickets. Since then, I've been designing the Dinagyang and Kasadyahan tickets every year. And every year, I was allowed to help usher people to their seats, explain to difficult people that they can't sit where they're not supposed to, argue with the media on placements and tell people that the tickets in Stage three Dinagyang Area are FREE!!!!! And not for sale!!!! And that they can't complain about our stage rules because having a ticket and a chance to watch Dinagyang at Stage 3  is a privilege and not a God-given right! Hehe. Ok, sorry about that. Guarding the doors gets me into war mode - ready for battle ;)

Anyway, I'm tired from all the running around these last two days. Dinagyang ended at about 1pm today and after a very late lunch, I slept like a log. I just realized that this might be the last Dinagyang Festival I'm going to help out with. We will be changing governors this year and who knows who gets to help out in next year's Dinagyang Festival. I might not make the list next time. But bygones, I've had five years. I think that should be enough. One thing I know though, I will never get tired of taking pictures of Dinagyang. Even with just a point and shoot, I think I did well for an amateur photographer. And I did enjoy watching the dances live. Kudos to the Iloilo Dinagyang Foundation for making it to the Hall of Fame. I do think Dinagyang has improved a lot in terms of quality. Of course, there will always be criticisms about it but that can't be helped if you're in the hall of fame. It goes with the territory I guess.

I'll post the Dinagyang and Kasadyahan pics soon. Right now I just need to chill and enjoy the last few hours of the festivities before I go back to the real stress tomorrow. Decided to go out for dinner with friends and watch street dancing or if I get drunk enough, join in the dancing..

Hay, life is so peculiar. A I keep saying, be careful what you ask for because the world just might give it to you. If there is one more thing I could ask for this year, I don't want Erap to be President.  :) Amen. hehe.

Mysterious Black :)

There's a reason for the title. It's a secret that only women are supposed to know. I can't tell you coz men are lurking in this blog. But should you have a facebook account, watch out for emails that are for women only. If I had my way, I'd like to change it and copy my cousin's color: Barely there :D. Like that one.

Anyway, I'm taking a break from work. I will need to get back to it in a few minutes but I need to rest my back a bit. Currently listening to a piano piece by an unknown artist with an unknown title. All I know is that it's Korean and I like it and would like to learn how to play it. Now, if I could only find a piano, I would lose myself in it. For now, I'm content to playing it over and over again. It's also my wake up alarm tone - and it fails miserable because it just makes me want to go back to sleep.

Today begins a no-weekend week. I worked today and will be working with no weekends until the Dinagyang Festival. That happens annually so I'm getting really used to it. I should turn dark and not my sunny self in a few days so be aware that you might need to avoid me when you see me in the streets. Yup, despite the powers of my lovely rebonded hair - my mood will be very ... unstable. So you know.

On a lighter note, I closed my dudsonline.com financial books yesterday. The verdict: I'm doing good. Not bad for a college dropout with no business sense who works part-time on an online venture with just a website for an office . I'm re-doing my site by the way. Started during Christmas break but haven't had time to finish it. I'm going chocolate this year. Watch out for that soon.

Tradition Tradition Tradition

Just sort of want to mark this date. Every beginning of anything should be marked. I just feel that this year would be significant when I look back later on. So this date is ticked and marked in red - it's the beginning of something - woohooo! Of what? I don't know yet but it will be ;)

Anyway, to recap where I've been hiding these past few days. It's really been one party after another, but surprisingly I had very little booze. I kinda like the natural flow of adrenalin by just friends and family holed up in one place. But I really kinda like just staying home and chilling. I can't seem to get enough of that for some reason. I feel that vacation is just too short.

I really have to make it a point to visit Nanay today - just to let her know that we're still alive and all = not that she wouldn't know hehe. I haven't gone to see her since November - tsk tsk tsk. And I just think we should remember our dead during the holidays too. We miss her dearly. Nobody prepares for Christmas and New Year like my mom.

I went to mass at Christmas Eve - where we had the flash mob :) before the mass began. Unfortunately I was too shy to join coz I really can't remember the dance steps. Sayang. Will make sure I join the next one though.

We had the annual Daquilanea Christmas Party on the 26th - that was a a blast. We had the traditional gift exchange with a maximum amount of P20 each. That alone is a challenge because you really can't buy anything at P20 nowadays and there is a required proof of purchase. I got a knife this year - from Passi market :) One of the kids got it and had to trade a used-bookstore-book to make sure nobody gets hurt with that knife - which I doubt can cut through anything but it might be a good letter opener in the future.

We had a year-end party at work last Tuesday. It was kinda nice. We had breakfast together at JD Roadhouse, then lunch together at Allan's in Oton. We would've had dinner together too had it not been for an upset stomach due to overeating. The guys don't let us pay so we were spoiled princesses for a day which is a bit refreshing.

I spent the last day of the year holed up in a beauty salon for 11 hours having my annual hair touch-up. It's become almost a tradition. Hair rebond every year end so I'm sporting a new look - long spiky hair. I had to cut about three inches of the mane and the salon owner wished I didn't chop it off but I'm really getting tired of all that hair. I would've done shorter but it will make my face more robust :)

I watched fireworks with friends at the plaza just before midnight and had a late lunch/dinner and early new year snack after that and headed off to bed. I heard the world turn a year older but I was too tired to get up. I woke up early just now coz of the diana - the marching band that wakes everybody up for the fiesta mass at 4 in the morning. I love traditions.

That's about it. I'm going back to bed and wishing the world new blessings this year. I hope we all get what we want this year ;) - just be careful what youa sk for - hehehe. Happy New Year!